What if that's not what I want for you? Are you willing to accept that?
"But Your word says, 'Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart.' You promised."
Do you love Me enough to give up that dream?
More tears. Lots and lots of tears.
"What choice do I have, Lord? How can I get along without You?"
Then trust Me.
I nearly cried myself to sleep on that hard floor, too weary to fight Him anymore. I reasoned with myself that if He created me, His plan would bring me the greatest happiness, whether it fit my dreams or not.
"Okay, Lord, You win. I give up. If You want me to be single, I'll be single."
A month later my future husband, who I had known for years, knocked on my door unexpectedly. The rest, as they say, is history.
Except that over twenty years later I sit again, not able to sleep, wondering what God is asking of me now. The desire is so similar--a certainty that God can do the impossible despite my feelings of insignificance, yet a continual slamming of the door as I get my hopes up. "What are we doing here, Lord?"
Be faithful to what I have given you.
"I'm trying to, Lord, and working hard to press on and be patient."
Then trust Me.
"I do, I really do. I just get distracted by the people around me and Satan dogs me at every turn. He really does a number on me sometimes, making me believe all sorts of things, confusing me until I'm not sure what to do anymore."
Trust God from the bottom of your heart; don't try to figure out everything on your own. Listen for God's voice in everything you do, everywhere you go; he's the one who will keep you on track.
Just like last time, I'm not sure I can really give it up, but I recognize I have no choice. His plan is perfect. Right thinking, correct action is made one choice at a time, so for today I choose to trust Him. I will give Him my desire to be used for His purposes, in His timing, not my own. I'll make the choice again tomorrow and the next day and the one after that until one day, the fulfillment of that desire may unexpectedly knock on my door.
And if it never does?
Have I really wasted my time trusting God? Have I missed anything by walking with Him, basking in His presence? No. I may feel disappointed, but I can take heart that this world is temporary and the one to come will bring something much better.
Press on, my friends. Waiting on God is win-win.
Photo:mayr
5 comments:
There's that word again, surrender.
Why does it feel like giving up all control??? Why does it feel like a bad thing. In the movies, you never want to surrender, you want to win, to keep fighting. I guess with God, surrendering is winning. Love you my friend!
I wonder if He uses us for the fulfillment of His purposes sometimes without our knowledge, so we will not forget our need to stay close to Him? It seems so much harder that way some days though. "Right thinking, correct action is made one choice at a time, so for today I choose to trust Him." Love this post Tami. It spoke to my heart on several levels. Thank you!
(And just a sidenote... when I saw that picture I kind of caught my breath. The sky was almost that exact color when I was driving home from work the other night, and it prompted a short converstaion with God about my desire for a husband, and HIS ability to touch my heart. I thought, "I wish I had my camera!" Wow... God covers it all doesn't he?)
Luv ya!
Hi Tami-
I couldn't find your email on the page but I wanted to thank you for your very wise words. I agree that I am not showing them my joy because I am so defensive. I am going to continue to pray about this and am seriously considering inviting them to my blog. I'll let you know how it goes.
Again, thank you for your guidance and wisdom.
Your sister in Christ,
Jenny
I'm so glad to be um, let's just say, "a woman of a certain age." I've been a Christian so long now, that I have the experience of many years of the Lord's faithfulness behind me. It's so much easier to trust and have faith in His love and promises now. Remembering specific answers to prayer and His presence through difficult circumstances helps to keep me calm when the going gets tough. :~)
I've had those dreams that when faced with surrendering them to God, I too cried my eyes out. Sometimes it's the pouring of tears that helps empty us out and allows God to fill us up with the good He desires in us. He blesses beyond measure, sometimes He requires complete surrender, but His plans are divinely perfect and I love the intimacy He gives me when I surrender all and choose only Him.
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