Monday, May 11, 2009

Steps to Connection: Understand All Have Insecurities

For some reason (shall we blame it on busyness, unrealistic images in the media, and Satan?), people are lacking a real sense of connection with each other. We want to feel KNOWN, appreciated, understood. We want someone to really "get" us, but those relationships are hard to find.

It's a problem. Every time I blog about relationships or whenever the topic comes up in Bible study, women perk up. People relate. We want deep friendships and aren't experiencing them.

What's a girl to do?

Well, first I think we need to talk about it and look for ways to work on the problem. Now I'm no relationship expert, so I'm counting on some helpful suggestions from all of you (I mean it. Tell how you have built relationships in the comments.) Let's send Satan reeling and get this connection thing worked out.

Step one in my book on finding meaningful relationships with people is understanding all of us have insecurities. Even the most attractive and talented women are able to list their flaws in a second. The same woman who told me I seemed unapproachable told me it was because I was "so put together" to which I uttered an immediate "Psshht, whatever." That is the last way I would describe myself. Easily intimidated? Yes. Well aware of my faults ? Yes. Jealous of the great qualities in others? Yes. Put together? No.

I find that most women I know are the same way, completely oblivious to the effect they have on others, thinking they are no where close to "together." This includes the skinny ones, the well-dressed, the talented, the young, the smart, the pretty, those many people admire.

How can this knowledge help us in developing relationships? If we know the amazing lady next to us feels just like we do, are we more likely to reach out and open up? Will we have greater confidence in our interactions, more empathy, less intimidation? Will we be able to enjoy each other instead of sizing each other up?

It's worth a shot.

Everyone feels inadequate. Everyone has flaws. Everyone has insecurities.


Let's use them to find common ground to bond over.

Watch for more Steps to Connection in the weeks to come.

Related posts:
Satan's Best Trick


e-Mom said...

Excellent thoughts Tami. Everyone ha insequrities. Once, when I expressed a lack of confidence about a certain girlfriendship I was developing, my Mom said, "Just imagine them in their underwear!"
Her point? We're all human!

I just got back from Bible study at church. We've been reviewing the videos to Beth Moore's series "Stepping Up." Tonight's lesson was on your topic, building authentic relationships. We all need them. Beth challenges us to reach out and support each other as sisters, no matter what our denominational stripe.

Looking forward to your future posts on this topic. (((Hugs)))

Susan said...

Hey Tami,

You are such a blessing, you truly have a way to keep us all thinking!

I love the challenges you put out.

So, relationships, insecurities, how true.

Many years ago I felt so INTIMIDATED by a woman I wanted to befriend. After many months I finally confessed this to her and she was totally shocked.

Many times we can't see how others perceive us. I find saying something kind and sincere, it helps break down the walls.

The enemy really hates relationships, he knows how powerful they can be.

I treasure our relationship even if it's just "online".


Jaime (ChaseNKids) said...

This was indeed a post that was a blessing for me. Well-written and thought provoking...I needed to read this today.

Thank you!

Emiley said...

TONS of my female friends deal with this, me include But I don't think my husband does and I just don't see it in, maybe we need to learn from them. I know that for my hubby, life is very black and white. He strives to obey and honor God and doesn't really give a second thought to what other people think. Maybe I should learn from that, huh?

Annette said...

Well said as always. Your words are wonderful.