Tuesday, April 28, 2009

Assumptions

I'm an ordinary person. In seconds I could give you a list of my glaring faults. I have nothing for a person to be intimidated by, yet I've been told before one gets to know me, I seem unapproachable. Last week an anonymous commenter on this blog said they were glad to know I was human. Sheesh. What kind of vibe am I sending out? What kind of rose-colored glasses are people looking through and where can I get some?

What about you? What do you say without words?

Lots of women don't LOOK like they need friends. They come off very confident, very sure, very together. But are they? Really? I can't tell you the number of "together" women I've talked to who are lonely and seeking deep, meaningful relationships.

Are we guilty of assuming too much about each other? Why do we compare ourselves and come up short every time? Why are we so easily intimidated? Why should a size 12 think she's not in the same league as a size 6? Why do we come to conclusions about people we don't know? What do we base those opinions on? Is it fair to write ourselves off as inferior for things we only see on the outside?

She may have a beautiful wardrobe, but it doesn't mean she's feeling as good as she looks. In fact, most women I find very beautiful don't see it in themselves at all. She may look as if she has a slew of friends, but what if everyone thought that about her and no one called?

Every woman I've ever met can point out ten faults for every strength admired by another. Behind every pretty face is a person with thoughts and feelings and insecurities. If we started looking at each other through that knowledge instead of envy, would it change how we related to each other? Would we let our guards down? Would we reach out more?

I'm guilty of getting ready in the morning and sighing as I take that final look in the mirror (for reasons I will not mention--why would I identify my flaws for you?), but I don't think I'm the only one. The "together" woman sitting across the aisle from me in church probably did the same thing, as did the beautiful woman singing special and the lovely woman who has an easy hug and smile for everyone. The pastor's wife did it and the lady in choir with the perfect nails did it and so did the pretty young thing with the hunky husband as well as the driver of that expensive new car.

We need to quit letting Satan fill our minds with these false assumptions. The truth is we all feel inadequate. We all wish we were better. We are all in the same boat. Let's start being on the same team instead of sizing up the competition.

Friday, April 24, 2009

7 Quick Takes (Volume 30)



1) I'm still thinking about my butt dilemma. Do you think it would help if I varied my chairs?

2) I got a strange comment on that post. Someone, whose name I did not recognize, suggested I need some professional help for depression/anxiety disorder. At first I thought, well, the person just doesn't understand my humor, but then I wondered if maybe it was the other way around.

This got me going. How do strangers who read your blog gain an understanding of your real personality, your voice, your humor? How does the written word communicate who we really are?

It's a challenge, for sure, but I know I've stumbled onto something when someone says to me, "You write exactly how you talk."

3) I took my ten-year-old and a friend to lunch this week. When our food came I decided against our usual little prayer before eating, not knowing how the friend would react. I already had a bite in my mouth when my daughter said, "We need to pray." She did the honors innocently and unashamedly. I was so proud of her. She wasn't making a statement or trying to witness. She was just living life, exercising her faith as naturally as tying her shoe.

4) Is it just me or does denim shrink over the years? The longer I own a pair of jeans, the smaller they seem to get. I discussed this with a friend the other day and she did not concur which led me to berate myself again for my losing battle with the bulge. But yesterday I wore an ancient pair of jeans which were plenty snug, leaving me feeling defeated until I went shopping. I tried on a few pairs in the very same size and they were all too big.

I once addressed the phenomena with my tiny thing of a mother-in-law. She popped my wishful thinking by telling me she believes manufacturers are making clothes bigger these days. Poop.

5) I'm tired of thinking of cutesy names for my Quick Takes. If you've been reading long, you've noticed my creativity fizzling out. I'm going to follow Jennifer's lead and number them from now on. It's okay. I can do this. I've been there from the beginning. It's hard to believe I've done thirty Quick Takes posts. Even more surprising is I've published 360 blog posts. Who knew I had so much to say (or is it so much to drone on and on about)?

6) I had a HORRIBLE night's sleep last night. A neighbor's dog was barking and barking and barking (are you thinking of Elaine's nightmare on Seinfeld? yep, a lot like that). Once the dog stopped, each of my girls came in an hour apart asking me about things I don't even remember this morning, but I'm pretty sure I didn't help either one. Think strung out mom half awake who blinks her eyes and says repeatedly, "Now what?" until her children tire of her inability to comprehend the situation. Then my oldest is back from college for the weekend with a friend and they were stomping up the stairs outside our bedroom very late. About two a.m. I wanted to punch something. The day had been very full, one of those that make you look forward to crawling in bed to relax. Nothing doing. Poop again.

7) I walked into the gym yesterday to cool down after my intensive workout (yeah, let's say that) and encountered a group of preschoolers. Picture three, four and five year-olds clutching, kicking and bouncing basketballs. One girl wanted a ball out of a cart as tall as she was and decided to climb in after it. I nearly laughed out loud as a little guy ran over to help saying, "Watch and learn, Madeline. Watch and learn."


Happy Friday, friends. Take a little time to visit Jennifer at Conversion Diary for more Quick Takes.

Tuesday, April 21, 2009

My Irrational Fear

I spend a lot of time on my computer every week and I've started to worry a bit.

What if my butt gets bigger?

I'm not kidding. Think about it. Sitting for hours at a time it's bound to start spreading, isn't it? When God calls you to a work, he doesn't automatically remove the occupational hazards, does He? Dentists probably get bit every once in a while. Firefighters risk their lives every time they go out on a call. Hairdressers cut themselves on sharp scissors. Coal miners never come out of a mine clean. Mechanics live with greasy fingers. Singers get hoarse after a long tour. Young mothers are consistently bleary eyed. Politicians get windy. Celebrities gain stalkers. Even the most skilled carpenter hammers their thumb now and then.

Do aspiring writers get big butts?

I exercise regularly, but an hour several times a week can't outweigh many hours on my tushy, can it?

This is not good.

Got any suggestions? I know of an author who situated her desk so she could sit on one of those big exercise balls as she typed away. I'm not sure I have the coordination for typing and balancing at the same time. I once broke my wrist rolling a tire down my driveway.

Is it self-centered to pray your backside doesn't grow?

Friday, April 17, 2009

Another Friday



1) I had an interesting experience yesterday, visiting the school I taught at twenty years ago. It was one of those rare times where different stages of your life intersect together. A friend who used to live in the town we do now is the band director there and I went to work with her clarinet players. While I was there I met up with a former student who is now a math teacher. And I knew the principal and his wife, an art teacher there, from the year we lived in Wahoo. All these people from different areas and times together in the same room. Weird. Fun and enjoyable, but weird.

It reminded me of a time we had dinner at the home of my husband's cousin who became great friends with a woman I used to babysit for when I was a teenager. The same woman was a youth group sponsor to a former student of mine and years later we sat together over dinner--the cousin, the lady I babysat for and the student. Relationships spanning different decades of my life all standing in the same room. It makes you feel like you should start looking for cameras or something.

2) The linden tree outside my dining room window is starting to blossom and is so pretty. I think Spring is finally here (unless you live in Denver). I'm not one of those people who longs for Spring all Winter. I don't mind the winter months. I love snow and sweaters and getting cozy on the couch with blankets. Spring reminds me summer is coming--my least favorite season.

3) It's been nice having our Saturdays back lately. The winter months keep us hopping to our kids' musical events, but that season is over now. I'm remembering how much can be accomplished with an entire day at home and enjoying a more easy going pace on Saturday mornings. Aah. . .

4) I was watching television while working out this morning at the Y. Kelly Ripa was on with her husband, Mark Conseulos, filling in for Regis and they were doing a segment on "recession proof cars" which they described as cars under $25,000. Both of them were like, "Do you get more than just wheels and a windshield? What kind of car can you really buy for under $25,000?!" What kind of fantasy world do these people live in? I don't think I've ever paid more than $10,000 for a car in my life. I've never owned a brand new car either, but still. C'mon.

5) As a kid I remember watching my parents and their friends talk and wondering what it must be like to be a grown-up. I'm still wondering. Why don't I feel like an adult yet when I have four children of my own, one of which is out of the house?

6) We had a disturbing discussion at Bible study this week regarding relationships and the difficulty in finding deep, meaningful ones, even at church. I remember feeling the same way when we moved to town. For several years I felt pretty lonely and unknown, but eventually I made some good friends I could rely on.

The frustration seems to be the lack of depth people find in their relationships. Ten minutes after a worship service isn't cutting it and I heard women lament that few people are reaching out and cultivating real friendships. This is tough. You can't force connection. You can be friendly and available, but you can't convince someone to rely on you. You can't manufacture a feeling of closeness or understanding. How do you produce the comfort level that tells you it's okay to call someone late at night or tease them about their bed head?

Doesn't this take time? And how much of this is related to admitting our need, to taking risks and asking something of others? Should we expect some reciprocation when we attempt to forge a friendship? Why is this so hard?

In these sorts of discussions, I always feel like someone is being blamed and I feel guilty, but then feel resentful for feeling guilty because I try really hard to connect with people.

What is the answer?

7) Sigh. Thinking on #6 put me in a melancholy mood. It's true that when one person in the Body suffers, we all do. Any insight or advice would be appreciated!

Enjoy the weekend, friends and take a peek at Conversion Diary for more Quick Takes.

Monday, April 13, 2009

Pretty People Have Problems Too

I've made an important discovery.

Being attractive is not all it's cracked up to be.

I have been deceived for many years, thinking beautiful people have an easier life than me. For instance, I was watching a television anchor one day and was absolutely star struck by how pretty he was. He was interviewing the Jonas brothers, I think, and doing all kinds of crazy stuff with them. No matter what sort of outfit they put him in, he looked awesome. He wasn't doing anything remarkable, but he was so good-looking, you wanted to watch him and root for him. "Can you imagine how easy his life must be?" I asked my husband, "People must just fall all over him. He can get anyone to do anything for him just by smiling their way. He doesn't have to be good at anything. All he has to do is show up." I thought him the perfect example of how pretty people get ahead in life because of their looks.

But the other day I was watching two beautiful people interact. Both the man and woman were young and extremely attractive, with pretty faces and spectacular bodies to match. As they talked there was this little flirty thing going on, which was entertaining for me, but I wondered what their significant others would think. For the first time it occurred to me how very good-looking people face temptations I do not. It would be easy to get wrapped up in flirtatious encounters and let them go too far. Do they deal with that every day? What must it be like to have men eager to talk to you all the time? How do they handle the attention appropriately?

Either they have people falling all over them all the time or they face the other extreme. They are left alone because others think they are "out of their league" or think too highly of themselves. Do the pretty people of the world have more wrong assumptions made about them than others? Do individuals truly hate them only because they're beautiful?

There's a lot of burden. It's time for me to quit being jealous.


Friday, April 10, 2009

Wanting More for my Brother

It won't go away.

The heaviness I feel for my brother.

He's a good guy who makes choices I don't understand. He muddles along in life, waiting for nice things to come his way that never seem to arrive. He and I have a hard time communicating, yet underlying the awkward silences and surface level chit-chat is a desire on both sides to be connected. Why can't we get there?

Every time I talk with him, I'm aware of his hopelessness. My heart hurts for him and I don't know what to say or how to help.

He needs grace.

We are very much alike, he and I, in temperament, in sensitivity, in how we view our place in life. I have hope and direction, peace and confidence, only because of one thing.

Were it not for grace,
I can tell you where I'd be
wand'ring down some pointless road to nowhere
with my salvation up to me.
I know how that would go,
the battles I would face;
forever running, but losing the race,
were it not for grace.

"Were It Not for Grace"
Words by Phill McHugh


Because of His grace, because my Jesus looked down and said, "You're worth it. I will suffer on that cross to spare you," I know there is so much more.

I love my brother.

More than he knows.

I want him to be rescued as I was, to know the reality he wakes up to is not all there is, to find meaning and purpose in life. I want him to understand a life of following God is not about giving up everything, but about gaining so much more. I want him to know there is a way to sleep peacefully at night and wake up excited at the possibility in a new day. But I can't explain it. I can't make him understand. I can only say one thing.

There is more.

On this Good Friday I think of Jesus hanging on that cross, displaying His love to people who do not understand. And I pray He opens my brother's eyes. For isn't that the message of Easter? Isn't that the good news?

"I have come that they may have life," Jesus said, "and have it to the full." He lives so we can really live too.

I want my brother to really live, to believe there is more, to hope for big dreams, to experience all God has for him, not only in eternity, but also on this earth.

There is so much more.

He weighs heavy on my heart.

Lord, reach for him. Show him Your grace. Give him more.

Wednesday, April 08, 2009

Making Me Burn Brighter



I light the candles--something to provide a little ambiance and color to an otherwise dreary morning. But I can't take my eyes off them. I'm so easily distracted by those flames. There's something very soothing about them. I'm tired of thinking and seek the retreat of staring blankly at those candles. One starts to die out and I drain the melted wax off to give it more room to burn. As I do, the flame brightens. I make a little channel for wax to flow away itself and trim the edges, smoothing the rough parts that broke off. I know that rolling in the edges of each candle as they burn will help them melt more evenly, giving them a longer life, so I do that too.

And God shows me I am a candle. He trims and rolls my edges so I'll last longer. He must drain me so my flame can burn brighter. Only then can I soothe another's soul with my presence as these candles soothe mine.

If let Him do this work, this trimming and rolling and draining, will others have a hard time looking away?
You, O Lord, keep my lamp burning; my God turns my darkness into light.

Psalm 18:28




Photo Credit: Peter Becker

Monday, April 06, 2009

Friendship in Christian Marriage

1st Monday Every Month at Chrysalis


Signs my husband is also my friend:

  • If anything strange or exciting or surprising happens in my day, he's the first person I think of to tell.
  • We go out to dinner to talk.
  • He listens to me, even when he'd rather be sleeping.
  • We know each other's favorites.
  • Though he'll be home in a few hours, he e-mails me a letter he's working on to get my opinion.
  • We get excited over the successes of the other.
  • Days of coming and going make me miss him, even though we live in the same house.
  • He laughs for me, at me and with me.
  • We buy each other the same movie for Christmas.
  • I love him, but I really like him too.

What makes your husband your friend? See what others had to say in their Marriage Monday posts by visiting e-Mom at Chrysalis.

Friday, April 03, 2009

A Few More Quick Takes



1) I went on a field trip with my daughter's class to our state capitol. I've been there many times, but I am always struck by the symbolism built into this building. The varied forms of art--mosaics, paintings, carvings--appear EVERYWHERE and is truly amazing. One could spend hours taking it all in. Quotations etched in stone and busts of people important to the state of Nebraska grace the halls. All of these represent who we are and where we have come from. The one I found most interesting was a saying carved into the wood behind the Supreme Court bench. It read, "Eyes and ears are poor witnesses when the soul is barbarous." What does that mean? You can't trust a witness with evil intent?

The visit made me appreciate the thought which went into designing our state capitol building and glad that art is an integral part of it. Who says Nebraskans are simple and uncultured?

2) Speaking of being uncultured, in college I went on a band tour that took us to the East Coast. We stayed with families in the communities we performed in along the way and people in Pennsylvania actually asked us if we had running water! This was in the 80's, people, the 1980s! They honestly thought of Nebraska as a pioneer state. Still. They wanted to know if we had run ins with the Indians and such or saw tepees. We don't have the kind of encounters they were thinking of, but if you ask my sister about this, you'll get an earful!

To those who have never visited our fair state, rest assured we have all the amenities you do. We no longer use outhouses and horses and buggies are a thing of the past (unless we're trying to make a wedding more romantic). Believe it or not, we have Starbucks and malls AND clean air to boot.

3) Why are we mothers so hard on ourselves? I cringe when I hear my kids say something which isn't too pleasant and realize they got it from me. I blame myself for their bad habits or irresponsible behavior. But when they do something good, I think, "Wow, God, You've done a great job on them." I take credit for the bad, but not the good.

Maybe it's because I know myself. I know there's nothing in me that is good, except for God's work in me. So any good is to His credit, right? In the long run I guess it really doesn't matter who gets the credit as long as they are good kids who love God and enjoy an authentic relationship with Him.

4) My daughter got her driver's license about a month ago and the poor girl got into an accident already. She wasn't seriously hurt and it wasn't her fault, but her little car was totaled. Even though both cars were towed off, everyone walked away unharmed.

It was pretty upsetting to her, but she's a tough cookie, never one to let something get her down. She got home and immediately asked if she could use the van because she had to be back to school in 15 minutes. I knew she was merely trying to put up a good front when her dad offered to take her and she accepted without discussion.

Thank the Lord she was okay and is getting over the shock of it quite fine. She is an awesome, awesome kid.

5) Did you fall for any April Fool's jokes? I was surprised to see a Facebook notification that I was a fourth cousin to Barack Obama. When others in the blogosphere were mentioning it too, I got the joke. My son went onto YouTube to find all the letters upside down and backwards, like he needed to put it up to a mirror to read it. A youth group sponsor from our church posted that he totaled his truck, which gave my daughter a kindred spirit until he admitted it was a joke. He may have to be hit.

6) I have been overwhelmed again this week by the suffering around me. I look out at our congregation and see people in treatment for cancer, people whose jobs are tenuous, whose relationships are difficult, people who grieve, who try to live life on their own terms without regard for God's plan, people who lack hope. It is so very sad and I often wonder what God is thinking. My heart hurts for them, and I feel helpless. All I can do is pray for Him to bring good out of the pain. How do people make sense of it all apart from God? How do they persevere without knowing there is a bigger picture?

7) I've been a little under the weather this week which is pretty unusual for me. I spent nearly all of Thursday in bed. Maybe this is why I was cranky earlier in the week, ya think? Anyway, it made me appreciate flexible schedules and a husband who knows how to pick up the slack. And a quiet house all to myself for a whole day--GLORIOUS!

There's my week in a nutshell. I hope yours was good too. Be sure to pop over to Conversion Diary for more Quick Takes. Have a terrific weekend, people!