What The Kids Don't Take When They Leave

Suddenly the bathroom is all mine. The house is quiet. I can come and go as I please.

My kids are growing up and leaving me.

I never thought this day would come. As a young mother with four little kids I couldn’t imagine an hour of quiet. A full night’s sleep only occurred in my dreams. I felt destined to endless days of whining and poop and snot. I thought my life would be on hold forever.

And now my children are gradually migrating, leaving a slow leak in my heart. I just moved my third kid to college. There’s only one left. How did this happen? How am I supposed to switch gears when my life has revolved around these people? For a quarter of a century I’ve run every decision through the sieve of them and now I’m expected to just let them go?

Find the rest of the post at Deeper Waters.

7 Quick Takes (Volume 295)

--- 1 ---

I ended up spending a lot of time with Ladies Man and his girlfriend over the weekend. Woot! Woot! It was homecoming weekend at his college and they were playing our alma mater, so Kevin and I attended the game and got to see him in action with the Mighty Tiger Marching Band.


On Sunday I attended his Homecoming Concert with The Girlfriend. We enjoyed some wonderful selections and got a good laugh out of the Symphonic Wind Ensemble's performance of "Extraction Number 9" which mimicked the panic and fear one may feel in a dentist's chair. At one point in the piece a guy came out with a lab coat on carrying a chain saw and laughing like a crazed lunatic. Apparently it was all very effective because as soon as the piece got over there was a little kid in the audience crying like he was scared to death.

Later as we left the music building, Ladies Man was carrying his choir robe and complaining about his garment bag.

Ladies Man: It just broke today. I went to zip it up and the zipper just didn't work.

I wasn't really feeling panicked about his garment bag. There are such bigger things to worry about, aren't there? But he didn't let it go.

Ladies Man: I thought about asking for a really nice garment bag for my birthday.

Me (not believing what I'm hearing): Oh?

Ladies Man: Yeah, you know you're getting old when you want a garment bag for your birthday. And also when you like the fact that you own your own towels.

Ha! I was too afraid to ask why.

--- 2 ---

A woman in my Bible study asked me about the Bible app I use on my iPad and the Bible translation called The Message. I explained to her that it isn't something for serious study, but sometimes when I'm confused about a passage I like to read it to see if it sparks a thought and then take that thought back to a different Bible version to compare. When I pulled it up on my iPad she laughed at the abbreviation used.

Bible study friend: MSG! Too much of it isn't good for you, but it sure adds flavor!

Perfect. Don't you love it?!

--- 3 ---

I've been trying to get my gang here all at the same time for a family dinner. The best way to communicate about such things is on our private family Facebook page. Our little "discussion" reminded me why I love my kids so much. They are so much FUN!

Me: So . . . we have a free Friday night this Friday. How about a family dinner at our house?

Friday night was a bust, so I took a suggestion by Drama Queen.

Me: Does Sunday work for everybody?

And crickets chirped for 23 hours. No response. At all. Finally Drama Queen broke the ice.

Drama Queen: SUNDAY WORKS FOR ME SO EVERYBODY ELSE SHOULD COMMENT SO I CAN WRITE THINGS DOWN ACCORDINGLY IN MY PLANNER.

Which I DIED laughing at because this is so her--aggressive AND organized.

Me: Oh man, Drama Queen, I am dying!!

Drama Queen: #eventplannerprobs

And suddenly Ladies Man chimed in . . .

Ladies Man: #carrots

Me: So, is this a yes, Ladies Man? And hello, Drummer Boy, what say you?

Drummer Boy: Could probs do dat!

Oh my . . .

Drama Queen: I could hook ya up with a ride Drummer Boy.

Drummer Boy: Not an issue but WOOOOOOOOOOO!

Ladies Man: Well ya know I am a pretty busy and important man on campus soooooo....yea that works great.

Drummer Boy: Does dingus need a ride too?

Drummer Boy: dingus = Ladies Man

Ladies Man: Nah i think I'm coming down Friday.......maybe

I can already imagine the craziness that will be ensuing at my house on Sunday. Can't wait. LOVE YOU GUYS!

--- 4 ---

Kevin and I saw a movie trailer for Best of Me. From what I could gather, it's about a couple who fell in love as young people and then for whatever reason were separated for twenty years and came back together for some amazing love affair. I must have been feeling old and cynical that night.

Me: Oh brother. Does that really happen? Do people really pine away for each other for twenty years? Do they wait for someone that long or pursue them that long? Really?!

My husband has always been a romantic and proved it with his response.

Kevin: I don't know. I was just lucky to find the love of my life and have her with me always.

Cheesy? Yes. Did he still score points? Oh baby!!

--- 5 ---

My darling, cheesy husband has joined the Dollar Shave Club. Facebook finally wore him down with their smartly placed ads and he signed up. I couldn't believe how excited he was to get his first shipment. This company was made for men, I tell you. I want to work on their promotional staff as they must have a blast coming up with their materials. The package of Shave Butter (yes, that's really the name of it--SHAVE BUTTER) included these instructions:

1. Empty butter into palm. About a half dollar-sized amount is ideal.
2. Gently pat the butter onto your face and spread. You want a nice layer across the entire area.
3. Let your face marinate in the butter for about 15 seconds, approximately enough time to remind yourself how much ______ you're going to kick today. Now Shave.

The description on the Shave Butter says, "Dr. Carver's easy Shave Butter unforgettably transforms the dread of shaving into the joy of softly wiping whiskers off your face. Like the friend you've been missing your whole life, you'll wonder how you managed with anything else. . ."

Uh, WOMEN are dramatic?!

And then with each shipment you get the latest edition of the Bathroom Minutes which Kevin dutifully placed.


Yes, on the back of the toilet. Sheesh. I think they're really hooking men with their MEN ONLY products (hello, women shave too!) and the fact that they get a little box in the mail addressed to them every month. It reminds me of how excited I got as a kid when I knew it was almost time for my magazine subscription to come in the mail. Or school book orders. Yeah, it's like that. For grownup men.

--- 6 ---

I'm trying not to be offended, but Kevin wasn't nearly as excited when our new P90 exercise video series arrived in the mail yesterday. He's been whining forever about how he "should probably do something" in the exercise realm and being the loving, in-tune wife that I am, I simply tried to find a way to accommodate those desires. It had nothing to do with the delicious abs Kevin had a few years ago after completing P90X with Ladies Man. This is about HEALTH, people. And maybe also a little fear. I want this guy around for a while so he's gotta do what it takes to stay healthy.

C'mon, honey, you got this! Do your best and forget the rest. Remember? No fuddy duddy husbands!

--- 7 ---

Lest you feel sorry for poor Kevin with his exercise nazi wife, here's a story to prove he is dearly loved and appreciated. Princess Dawdle came home with a hankering for some Mexican food and begged to go to out for supper. I told her she needed to ask her dad. Their texting interchange went something like this.

Princess Dawdle: Playa for dinner?

Kevin: What did Mom say?

Princess Dawdle: She said to ask you.

Kevin: You both know I'm a sucker.

Princess Dawdle: Haha. Is that a yes?

Kevin: If I must be drug there, I suppose.

Princess Dawdle: Baha you must. I don't know if you're gonna survive this one.

Kevin: I might not.

Princess Dawdle: I'll hold your hand every step of the way old man ;)

Kevin: I hear you cluckin', big chicken!

My favorite part of this scene? Her comments to me DURING the texting.

Princess Dawdle: Dad's the best. I like Dad. I'm a lucky person, you know?

Yes you are, babe.



So are we all! We love you Kevin! I hope you have a great weekend enjoying the people you love most. Give yourself a break and read more Quick Takes at Conversion Diary.

7 Quick Takes (Volume 294)

--- 1 ---

Well I missed you all last Friday. I had one of those old person procedures whose prep knocked me for a loop. I can't remember the last time I felt so icky. Thank the good Lord that time passes and for creating drugs and food.

And now let's move on, shall we? Who wants to hear about my bodily functions? Kevin will accuse me of talking like an old person again. Nope. Not. Gonna. Happen.

--- 2 ---

In the last edition of Quick Takes I was whining about missing my kids. I finally got to see them and boy was I one happy mama! We had a lovely dinner together to celebrate Kevin's birthday. As soon as I saw them I just kept mauling hugging them saying, "It's so good to see. I missed you. How are you? I'm so glad to see you! This makes me so happy!" I must have been bad, because Princess Dawdle told me a few days later that Drummer Boy actually asked her, "Is Mom okay?!" Well I am now!

We stayed at the restaurant over 3 and half hours chatting it up and just being us. I loved it. I've got some great kids, I tell you.


Pardon me for a second as I leave a note for my children: Save your mother's sanity and come home now and then, okay? Love you guys!

--- 3 ---

On Husker home game Saturdays, we often watch Drama Queen's band rehearsal at Memorial Stadium. There's always a bunch of people there and we often wonder if she even knows we're in the stands until we meet up with her afterwards. She assured us she does.

Drama Queen: I can always find you in the stands. I tell my friends to look for the guy talking with his hands and it works every time. Even the ones who have never met you will be like, wait, is that your dad? And it always is.

Ha! Kevin's busted!

This last Saturday Ladies Man and The Girlfriend came along, as well as my nephew. We joined The Boyfriend and another friend of Drama Queen's to watch the rehearsal. It was so sweet seeing my nephew enjoying his spot between Ladies Man and The Boyfriend.


It was an awesome day hanging with my gang (although we missed Drummer Boy) and the weather was perfect. Sigh. Life can be really good, no?

Also I have to mention that if you haven't seen it yet, you've got to click on this link to see the highlight of the marching band show last Saturday night. We've got some creative band directors.

And I love whoever handles the Facebook page for the band because they post awesome pictures like this with my daughter in action!


Thank you Mr./Ms. Mystery Facebook Administrator of the UNL Bands Facebook page!

--- 4 ---

Kevin and I did a little shopping for his birthday. He was trying on a bunch of stuff and when we met up later he showed me why hanging out with him is so fun.

Me: So, find something?

Kevin: Yeah, I'll get these jeans. The other ones fit, but they had a little too much party in the back.

Which means there was more stuff on the pockets than he likes. This guy never ceases to make me laugh. Love you, babe!

--- 5 ---

Today would have been my dad's 73rd birthday. I'll never forget this week nine years ago when the oncologist left the room and Dad said to me, "Well, I think I'll make 64, but I don't know about 65." We never could have guessed he'd be gone in less than 6 weeks. The loss of my uncle and now this birthday has put Dad on my mind a lot lately. So on Wednesday I visited his grave and left him a Butterfinger bar, his favorite. I was shocked that the cashews I left him around Memorial Day WERE STILL THERE! I thought for sure a groundskeeper would have scooped them up and thrown them away with a scowl a long, long time ago. That cemetery is swarming with squirrels too. Wouldn't you think a bag of nuts would be an easy target? But there wasn't even a rip in the bag. Weird! While I was there, a flock of geese wandered through, and I mean a FLOCK. I bet there were twenty of them. How in the world have those cashews survived?

And how many times can I leave little things like that before the grounds crew gets annoyed? How many wrappers have to pile up on a grave before they're removed?

And what in the world is my problem that I take time to think about silly things like this? Oy!

--- 6 ---

Kevin and I were discussing a dear woman who's always had a gentle, calm way about her, like someone beyond her age.

Kevin: She's always seemed older than she is, you know?

Me: I know exactly what you mean.

Kevin: Yeah, like she'll be a really great elderly person.

Me: Yeah! She's gonna really come into her own when she turns 80.

Something about that just tickled me and depressed me at the same time. Who wants to wait to be 80 to reach their prime?!

--- 7 ---

We're looking at a busy, busy weekend with our clan scattered all over the place. Drama Queen leaves this morning for Michigan to play with the band at the Michigan State game. It's homecoming at our high school tonight. Tomorrow Drummer Boy accompanies the drum line he instructs to Iowa for a competition. We're attending Princess Dawdle's marching band competition in the morning and evening, and in between scrunching in the homecoming game and parent's day at Ladies Man's college where they'll be playing our alma mater. Sunday is SUNDAY at our house which means we spend most of it at church, but this week I'll be ducking out of a rehearsal or two to catch Ladies Man's concert. It should prove to be worth it as he warns me the band plays a piece involving a chain saw. A few weeks ago there was a youtube video of his band director in a lion suit singing, "If I Were King of the Forest," so who knows what the guy may have up his sleeve. I'm looking forward to it!

It just occurred to me this proves we are a family of band geeks. True story. And we love it.



And thus ends another edition of Quick Takes. I hope your weekend includes whatever you need and that you'll take in more Quick Takes at Conversion Diary.

Living, Leaving, and Loving

I've heard it said many times that death is a part of life.

I can accept that.

Until it's someone I love.

I sat through the funeral of my uncle this week, a man who occupied so many of my childhood memories, whose family intertwined with mine nearly every weekend. Of course I was sad. He was so close to my dad it was like losing a piece of my father all over again. Memories of family gatherings and fishing at Grandpa's pond and Val's pizza and animated card games flooded my mind. And laughter. There was always laughter.

It was hard to watch the slide show of Uncle Jim's life and see the faces of others I've loved who've left us, other uncles, aunts, Grandma, my dad. It made life seem like a cruel joke. We're here long enough to get attached and then people slowly leave us. Though death can happen any time, I know too well that as I get older the odds of losing someone I love increase. In the last 6 months alone I've lost a dear aunt and now my uncle, people who framed my childhood. As I flip pages on my calendar more of my loved ones will surely leave me. How will my heart ever take it?

And yet death is a part of life.

I can't change it, can't stop it. I can only endure it.

With living comes loving. I will always love those who pass on. But though life ends, love never dies. My aching heart confirms it. I wonder if that ache exists, persists, for a reason. The love that lingers long after someone exits this life whispers to my soul, "There must be something more. Surely this can't be it. You live. You die. You love. You lose. Life can't be this pointless."

In allowing us to love, in putting within us the capacity to carry love for others forever, dead or alive, is God showing us the eternal? And if God is love, is this ability to love a glimpse of Him? In letting us experience eternal love is He showing us Himself? Is the love we harbor deep within a very piece of God?

If so, the pang left in our hearts after someone we love dies is gift. Pure, beautiful, gracious gift.

That gift is God.

Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God. Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love. This is how God showed his love among us: He sent his one and only Son into the world that we might live through him. This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins. Dear friends, since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. No one has ever seen God; but if we love one another, God lives in us and his love is made complete in us.

1 John 4:7-12

His love is made complete in us. As we love.

People live. People leave. But love remains. Death may be a part of life in this world, but love transcends this world into the next.

Love is God.

God is love.

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Relationships are More than Pretty Facebook Pics

Facebook. The bane of relationships.

Pretty pictures tell a story, but only a part, a very small part. Smiles reveal happiness, but not the work that got the smilers there. Statuses regaling loving acts are a great way to say thank you, but not so good at giving an accurate perspective.

Relationships are way more than pretty Facebook pics.

For real relationships, real, honest, deep, abiding relationships, are made in secret, in hard words and patience and perseverance.

Real relationships require courage to reach out in tearful phone calls and compassion answering, "I'm coming over." They push aside insecurities and celebrate with others and refuse to let the awkwardness linger.

Real relationships persevere through disagreements and believe the best. They dig through the hurt to hear the heart. They realize hugs are sometimes the only answer and freely give them, especially when no one knows what else to say.

Real relationships muddle through painful conversations and gut honesty and are willing to get thin skin scuffed for the sake of growth and depth. They hold tight until the dam breaks and cry along, with or without understanding.

Real relationships love and trust enough to show the junk, the ugly, the imperfect and struggling. They hear what isn't said and share the helplessness, the worry, the fear. They cheer others on, even while fighting their own battles.

Real relationships are full of "I'm sorry"s and "I love you"s and deep breaths and bold moves and consistent presence. They are messy and uncomfortable, but willing to hang in there for the beauty on the other side.

Real relationships say, "You are important enough to work through this with." They require opening up, being available, honest and brave.

Real relationships are more than pretty Facebook pics.

So the next time you're tempted to "Aahhh" at a picture, concentrate instead on the work that may have produced those smiles, on the secrets behind joyous faces. Nothing good is ever gained by giving nothing.

What are you willing to give for real relationships?

7 Quick Takes (Volume 293)

--- 1 ---

If you prayed for the conference I attended last weekend, let me tell you God answered every single request and THEN SOME! What an amazing day it was! The women were warm and welcoming and very receptive. We shared a beautiful day together amid God's healing spirit. I find committed, like-minded, beautiful women everywhere I go. Something about that gives me great hope.

And if that weren't enough, I spent Saturday evening with two amazing women, hashing over the troubles of life together, offering love and support and hope. It was like everything we'd talked about during the day was perfectly illustrated in the deep sharing that night. It left me floating for a few days at the beautiful plan God has designed in friendship, in giving us people to help us on this journey, to point us in the right direction, His direction.

God is smart.

--- 2 ---

And speaking of dear companions for the journey, I spent a few days away with some wonderful friends this week too. (Don't worry about my husband. He's a big boy. All this time away will make him appreciate me more, right? Besides, this time I left him some food. You should be more worried about Elmo. No one attends to that poor animal when I'm gone.)

I'd give you the highlights, but we have a sworn oath: What happens at the lake, stays at the lake.

Just don't let your imagination go wild.

--- 3 ---

I'm having an eyelash problem.

Yes, it is that serious. I have tried probably 6-10 different eyelash curlers and STILL my eyelashes don't stay curled. They're up and gorgeous for all of ten seconds and then they fall flat. Apparently my eyelash hairs did not inherit the same natural curl of my head hairs. I think they did get the coarseness though. Could it be they are so coarse that when I add mascara they are just too heavy to stay up? And don't even suggest I use less mascara. I already have one gray eyelash. I simply cannot take the chance of it being seen.

This is a problem because when my eyelashes don't stay up, my eyes look droopy, like I'm not quite ready for the day. There is no bright-eyed and bushy-tailed in this chicka. (Wait, what does bushy-tailed look like? I might have that.)

Oh, the issues of my life. Don't you feel sorry for me?

--- 4 ---

Don't ask me why, but Princess Dawdle has always been a big fan of birthday cake flavored stuff, you know, the birthday cake ice cream (ew!) or birthday cake M & Ms (isn't that sacrilegious?! blehk!)

While I was gone over the weekend, she had a friend over and they tried a Pinterest recipe for birthday cake cookie dough. Apparently it was fantastic (I would not try it in order to corroborate!) and when she came home from school on Monday she wanted to make some more.

Me: Well, you could, but you'll have to wash the bowl you used. You didn't really clean up after yourself before and I just stuck it in the dishwasher.

Princess Dawdle paused for a long time, peering into the pantry, salivating at the birthday cake mix calling her name, but thinking long and hard.

Me: What?

Princess Dawdle: I'm not sure I want it THAT bad!

Oh brother. She ended up shutting the pantry door and starting on her homework instead. Later in the evening, AFTER the dishwasher had run, I heard the mixer going. Mmmm hmmm. Grrrrrr.....

--- 5 ---

I sat across the booth from Kevin watching him eat a Chicken Cordon Bleu sandwich. The fried chicken breast, the cheese oozing out on every side, the white fluffy bun--all things I don't let myself eat. And I was a little jealous.

Me: That looks like a really good sandwich.

And he laughed at me. I wanted to smack him because he can eat stuff like that and not worry about it settling on his hips, but then he explained himself.

Kevin: That's an old person thing to say. They're always talking about their food and their medications.

Then I accidentally plopped a glob of mustard on my pants and as we were walking out I had to agree with him.

Me: I talk about food and dribble on myself. I guess I am old. Sigh.

And he laughed again. I don't know why he finds me so entertaining, but I'm glad he does. He's kinda stuck with me.

--- 6 ---

My dryer has completely stopped making noises! No squealing, no chirping, just the pleasant hum I know and love. I can't explain it. Perhaps it ate a sock that roamed around the inside and got trapped around a belt or something. But where is it now? Did it just get disintegrate with the rubbing of the belt? And if that's the case, why haven't I heard that squealing before? I've had PLENTY of socks eaten by the dryer. Do you feel my pain? Ladies Man's socks are particularly prone to this malady. Drummer Boy's were now too, come to think of it. Then again, I never did any field research to see if all their socks actually made it to the hamper. I wasn't too crazy about picking up those sick nasty things with my bare hands you know. Plus the rule at my house is: I'm happy to do your laundry, but it has to make it to the laundry room. I won't go looking for work!

I fear one day, when I finally gear up the oomph to deep clean my house and clear out all the stuff my kids left behind, I'm going to find hundreds of lone socks. They will snicker at me feeling they've won the Great Laundry Battle. Sorrow will overcome me thinking of the money spent replacing socks that were here all along. Through tears I'll fill garbage bag after garbage bag of socks with no match, chiding myself for not having the patience over the years to wait for the other half to show up. The socks will mock me whispering, "ha ha ha, we got you" and I'll rack my brain for days to find ways to recycle these stray strips of fabric.

Maybe my dryer is letting off some kind of fumes as it disintegrates socks . . .

--- 7 ---

Guess who has a birthday this weekend?


Yes, this guy. MY guy. The guy I can't live without. And do you know what this means?! This means I finally get to see all my kids tonight! I'm looking WAYYYY forward to it! Hey honey, thanks for being born so I can stay in contact with our offspring.

Seriously, though, I am grateful you were born. I can't imagine who I would be if you hadn't been so much of my life. I thank God every day for you. Every. Single. Day. See how I celebrate you?! I love you dearly and love being your wife. Happy, happy birthday.



And that does it for this edition of Quick Takes. If you have a hankering for more, visit Conversion Diary.