Will the Real Mama Please Stand Up?

"'If Mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy!'" We smile as we read the wall plaque in the novelty store. But our smile quickly turns to a frown if truly "Mama ain't happy." This is because the wife and mother in a family often "sets the tone" in the home. The "tone" God wants her to set is one of joy, optimism, and a delight in the Lord and in her family. If your family were called upon to describe you, what would they say?"
~Martha Peace, "The Excellent Wife"

Ooh. I'm not sure I want to ask my family this after last week's surprise surgery. I'm pretty sure they'd describe me as a sleeping machine!! Who knew a grown woman could sleep as many hours as a newborn?! Hey, what day is it any way?

This last week aside, though, I'd still be reluctant to ask my family to describe me. They know more than anyone how much I mess up. They see me at my worst more than they see me at my best. Lately I've wondered how much impact I have on my teenagers in particular. They are much more enamored with their friends and youth pastors than me. I'm just Mom, that lady that rides their tail about homework, asks them a lot of questions they'd rather not answer and makes them eat.

I know I should strive to set a good "tone" in our home and for the most part, I think I do, but sometimes Mama's gotta put the smack down which isn't always popular. It's tough being a mom. I must admit I think I do a poor job of it most days. I get tired and overwhelmed with everything that needs to be done. I'm not Mary Sunshine (gasp!), and I don't try to be. It's just not me. Honestly, I think it would creep them out. My goal is to be the same with them as I am with anyone else. Now sometimes this means they cry, "TMI" (too much information) or even "WTMI" (Waaaay too much information), but I feel it's more important for them to know the real me than an ideal I'll never reach. It means I apologize and ask forgiveness quite a bit, but aren't these skills they need to learn as well? I do my best by them and pray God molds them into amazing people.

Yes, it is important for Mama to be positive and joyful, but I think it just as important for Mama to be who God has created her to be. It is no mistake any woman is mother to the children placed in her care. Those kids are there to learn specifically from her. I can't be something I am not. Besides, kids can see through a fake. I think it essential for women to admit their failings and confess their bad behavior to their children. We're going to mess up. We're human. We might as well teach our kids how to handle their sinful behavior by showing them what to do with it.

When their worlds were jostled last week, I got a glimpse that despite the irritations my kids suffer at my hand, above all else, they do love me. I saw it in my older kids who kicked in gear without hesitation to take care of their siblings in the wee hours of the night and morning while we were visiting the emergency room. I saw it in the tears shed by my younger kids at the first visit to the hospital and the unexpected appearance of my teenagers on their way home. I saw it in the little bud vase placed near my head on the couch with flowers from the yard changed as often as they wilted. I experienced quietness I never knew possible in my house (Do I hear the "Hallelujah Chorus"?). I think it says something that all but one of them have crashed enough to miss a day of school since Mama was down. I may not hear how they appreciate me, but they have shown me. Just as I love them when they are not perfect, they love me when I am not too.

Yes, Mama sets a tone, but every Mama should set the tone God places in her own ear. There should be no striving to meet an image or maintain a perfectly happy house, but a commitment to being real and showing her children how Jesus fills her gaps. Honest and real helps her children prepare for the world better than sweet and quiet.

Visit Christin at As Gold Refined for more In "Other" Words impressions.

Resting

Twenty-four hours ago, I couldn't get comfortable. The pain in my gut wouldn't let me sit still. It was my second trip to the ER that night/morning? and the edict fell. That gall bladder has to come out.

Out it came a few hours later. So,if this post sounds a little disjointed and sloppy, you can blame it on the drugs.

I just needed to say today I am thankful for a close hospital and kind nurses. I'm thankful for a doctor who crammed me in his already busy schedule, over his noon hour no less, just so I could feel better. I'm thankful for thoughtful friends, parents who drop everything to help, kids who roll with the punches and my sweet husband whose presence makes everything better.

In the words of a dear friend, "This is good for you to let others worry and care for you... see that you are loved deeply..." Ah, indeed I am and I am humbled.

Thank You, Lord.

For more Thankful Thursday posts, visit Iris.

No Other Option

"To be intimate with others is to reveal our innermost selves to them, including our emotions, thoughts and desires. For such deep sharing of the soul and spirit to occur, people must respect and trust each other. ... In a world controlled by sin, however, to choose to be intimate is to choose to be hurt. Yet Jesus calls us to this kind of intimacy with Him and with one another."
~ Kenneth A. Schmidt ~

We celebrated every birthday together. We knew every minor detail of each other's families. We walked, prayed, laughed, and cried together. We didn't always see eye to eye on every issue, but we knew we had each other's backs.

Yet slowly things began to change. I can't put my finger on what happened exactly. Did I say too much? Did I do too little? Did I give off a bad vibe? How did I fail this friendship? It's easy to dismiss it as part of life. Relationships change, I know, but the knowledge does nothing to ease the pain that lingers in my heart.

I think I have a little Horton in me. "I meant what I said and I said what I meant. An elephant's faithful one hundred percent." When I give my heart away to someone, I consider them a friend for life. I may not give them the time they deserve, I may get annoyed or disappointed, but my heart does not waver. When I love someone, I will always love them. So when a friendship goes awry, it hurts. A lot. For a long time.

I look at the relationships I enjoy now and wonder how many will exist in five years. Will they get tired of me? Will they grow weary of my thinking? Will they think me too full of myself? Will I do something stupid to offend them? How long will it take for them to realize my human weakness? When will they see me for the sinner I am?

I have a friend who says she appreciates my transparency. I understand it is meant as a compliment, but opening myself up that way comes at a cost. For every person who truly sees me, how many others dislike what they see? Letting people in opens me up for hurt. Big time hurt. Do I want to risk that?

It makes me want to hide myself and say very little. Even as I write this, I am tempted to delete it all and not reveal so much of what goes through my mind, yet God tells me, "Be who I created you to be." This is who I am, a woman who over analyzes and sincerely wants to love and be loved. I am compelled, truly compelled, to talk about my struggles and victories in hopes that it may point others to my perfect, loving God. If people are aware of His presence and blessing in an ordinary woman, will they be attracted to Him? If I don't let people see where I've come from, how can they see God's transforming work?

Yet some won't understand. Some will miss His hand completely and see only the failures. Some will be disappointed. Some will expect more. Sigh.

I was discussing this with a wise man last week, explaining how past hurts made it hard for me to want to put myself out there. This man, who has seen his share of hurt at the hands of people he loved and trusted, said to me without a bit of hesitation, "But we have to. It's what we do."

I know he's right. Jesus is all about relationships and I must be too. Living with people can be exciting and fulfilling, but it can also be tricky and confusing and down right painful.

But we have to. It's what we do.

I have to risk it because I love God and trust He knows what's best for me. He tells me, "Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins." So I will. I will love deeply and experience joy in my relationships. And sometimes I will hurt deeply and experience the comfort only He can give.

We have to. It's what we do.

Lord, give me courage. Give me perseverance. Give me grace. May I reflect You more than myself.

Join Bonnie at Ink It Blog for more In "Other" Words.

The dreary weather permeates my pores and seeps into my spirit. The rain reproduces the mud I think should have dried up by now. Puddles reflect things I'd rather forget so I tiptoe around them to avoid murky waters. Though I know something better lies beyond them, clouds prevent me from seeing clearly. The dark skies bid me to hide and I gratefully oblige.

But tomorrow is a new day. And though sometimes I wish for time to stand still, this day I am glad it marches on.

Thank You, Lord.

For more Thankful Thursday posts, visit Iris.

Three Wishes

One of the most wonderful things about knowing God is that there's always so much more to know, so much more to discover. Just when we least expect it, He intrudes into our neat and tidy notions about who He is and how He works.

~ Joni Eareckson Tada ~

I've always been a firm believer in the power of prayer. My first encounter with God was the result of a "Hail Mary" prayer I sent up as a ten-year-old. I knew God could do anything. I just needed to be bold enough to ask for it. So, shortly after I was married, I decided upon three things I wanted in my life in the next five to ten years. I started asking God for a house, a baby and a van. I was flexible enough that I didn't even care what order they came in. (I'm good like that!)

God granted my first "wish" with a baby that had to have been conceived on our very first try. See, you just have to believe.

Next to come was the house which was nothing short of a miracle. Of the four years we'd been married, we had only one year where both of us worked full-time, so we weren't exactly rolling in the dough. Yet God provided a great little house for us in an unexpected way. Check number two. Way to go, God.

One more thing and my life would be complete. The trouble is it took a while for the van. I told myself we didn't really NEED a van. We only had one kid, so a van was probably overkill. I didn't quit believing, but I didn't stop praying either. A few years later came kid #2 and things were a little more cramped in our Chevy Cavalier, but God provided a bigger car and we were fine. When we filled the back seat of the Corsica a few years later with kid #3, I knew our want had become a need and I got excited knowing His word promised, "my God will meet all your needs. . ."

True to His form, God directed us to the van. Not just any van, one with all the bells and whistles. Very cool. It was almost too good to be true. We had spent all of our married life scraping by and this was MORE than what we NEEDED, so I felt a little guilty. I reminded myself I had been praying for this for years. I needed to be thankful, not distrustful.

I didn't sleep well the night we brought the van home. A general sense of anxiety kept me awake most of the night. I tried to shrug it off as being worried about the money, but I knew it was more than that a few days later as I was reading the paper. I saw an article about the dealership where we purchased the van. The owner had been arrested for fraud. People were paying for cars, but not receiving the titles on them so they couldn't claim ownership on them. Banks started repossessing the purchased cars to pay the debt of the dealer. My heart started beating pretty hard. Guess who hadn't received their title yet?!

The nightmare got worse when the transmission suddenly went kaput. We were facing a $1700 repair for a van we didn't officially own. Add to our financial worry the cost of an attorney to help us sort out the mess and this tight wad was stressed out!! I wasn't exactly thrilled with the "answered prayer" that sat in my driveway for four months.

God, what are we doing here? I implored. I've prayed about this for nearly ten years. I trusted You to provide. But this...this is scary. Are you going to get us through?

One day in the thick of the ordeal, an unusual thing happened. I got a phone call from the wife of the dealer. She was a smooth talker and I imagined this being an embarrassment for her with her country club friends. I was polite, but inside I was seething. I wanted to tell her, "We live in a little house with three little kids and live on one income. You and your husband's irresponsibility are causing a major upheaval in my family's financial picture. Don't expect any favors from me." But I didn't. I let her talk. She tried to make excuses I didn't buy and promises I didn't believe. She wanted us to give them more time to make good on our deal, but the practical side of me knew that was going to be pretty much impossible while her husband sat in jail. Yet something in me felt bad for her so I finally said, "Look, you know we can't let this go, but you need to know I'm going to pray for you. I can't imagine the pressure you are under right now."

She quit schmoozing me immediately and got very quiet. When she finally did speak, her voice cracked, "Yes, yes I am. Thank you for your prayers. We really need them."

I never heard from her again and I have no idea what happened to her or her family. We ended up being one of the lucky ones, actually getting our title. After a costly repair, life went on as normal for us. Others were not so fortunate. One couple lost $20,000.

As I look back on it now, that four months was a minor blip in the story of our lives, yet at the time it threatened to be financial disaster. It didn't fit into my plan of who God was. It made no sense, but God taught me some VERY IMPORTANT lessons.

I learned life is not all about me (go figure!). I found He is trustworthy, especially when I can't see a way out. He taught me not to get too far ahead of myself. The concept of resting in His Word became very real. I grasped what it meant to care for the pain of another in the midst of my own. He showed me all people worry and hurt no matter what kind of facade they project. He taught me to live one day at a time.

Were those lessons worth four months of anxiety and turmoil? At the time I would have said no, but now, well now I know they were needed and I am thankful.

What about you? Are you in the middle of a trying situation wondering where God is? Do you doubt He is listening to you? Does it feel like He's left you out to dry? God may not always work how we would like, but HE IS ALWAYS WORKING. Can you trust Him for that? Can you wait on His timing and keep praying, knowing He is orchestrating what is best for all?

The Lord is faithful to all his promises and loving toward all he has made.
Psalm 145:13b

Visit Susan at Forever His for more impressions of this quote.

A Smile and Greeting Go a Long Way

I should be at the Y. It is my normal time, yet the cloudy, rainy weather in Nebraska today makes me want to hunker down inside.

I'm not a fitness freak, though I wish I were. I need incentive to work out. I used to meet friends there so I couldn't wuss out. Middle age hammering on my already low metabolism is motivating and so are the little aches and pains that come with getting older.

But there is one unexpected perk I get at the Y, something that makes me glad I went. The workers there make me feel like a million bucks. From the moment I swipe my card, they are smiling, acting genuinely happy to see me, calling me by name. I don't know much about them and vice versa. We chit chat about the weather or local events, but that's about it. We don't have deep spiritual conversations and I don't feel any need to. I just like being their friend, being greeted warmly and sent happily on my way with a "Have a great day, Tami." I walk out of there feeling like a celebrity, even without makeup!

Thank you Patti and Norma and Gary. Your kindness and smiles have touched me. There have been many days I have walked in there grudgingly, but walked out blessed to have been there.

You know, I think I may get dressed after all and go on over.

Have a great day, friends.





Visit Iris for more Thankful Thursday posts.

Marriage: For Happiness or Holiness?

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From the first day they shared a bedroom, they sensed the sacred quality of this chamber.

In this room conversations last until the wee hours of the morning.

They muffle their laughter under covers so as not to wake the kids.

Tears dampen pillows.

Comfort comes from the warmth of the body next to them and sleep is difficult when one is gone.

Here is where they form the bond to know what the other is thinking by merely catching their eye.

Trust allows them to process the difficulties of life out loud.

Dreams and confessions fill the air.

They endure such tense and awkward moments they are thankful for the dark of night.

The vulnerability occurring in this room softens their hearts.

The acceptance builds their confidence.

They are one in body, mind and spirit.

They understand God's edict, "Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral." To disturb the hallow ground of the marriage bed would affect all areas of their marriage.

For Happiness or Holiness?

BOTH.



Hop over and visit e-Mom at Chrysalis for more Marriage Monday posts.

Trying too Hard

Oh, Lord, I think I said too much. I SHOULD have done this. I SHOULDN'T have said that.

Be still, child.

Why can't I get it right? When will I learn?

Shh. . .

I don't want to mess things up.

Where can you go from my Spirit? How can you flee my presence? Isn't my Spirit with you always? Do I not make everything work together for good? How can you "mess up?"

But I don't feel right about it. Isn't that a sign I did it wrong?

I'm still in the process of working on you. You aren't done yet.

I want to be so much more.

Are you saying I'm doing a bad job on you?

Well. . .no. . .

I don't make mistakes.

I didn't say that.

Then stop. Trust me. Be still. Stop thinking so hard. Be who you are. Trust me to make your words and actions powerful. Align yourself with me, be refreshed in my Spirit and your life will count for eternity.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight.
Proverbs 3:5-6

For more Thankful Thursday posts, visit Iris.

Links to CCC Babes

Many of you I know IRL have asked about the blogs of people from our church. So here's the links to people you know and love from good ole Nebraska.

Finding Joy in the "MOM"ent--Denise R.
JOY today--Emiley B.
Living With RAD--Brenda N.
My Brady Bunch--Pam S.
Seeking Him--Mari F.
Surrendering to God's Gift of Ellie Grace--Rachelle W.

Check 'em out and leave 'em some love, okay?