Everybody Has A Story

Everybody has a story.

Behind the charming smile, the pleasant demeanor, the capable persona, is a person who has lived in an imperfect world, trying to make the best of it. There's history, maybe an ugly one. They may have overcome years of hurt, or personal tragedy or survived a harrowing experience.

They have lived life. Who knows where they've come from or what they're dealing with today? They may have overdrawn their checking account or be sleeping in a separate room from their spouse. They may live with shame over a past act or not get along with their mother. Their troubles may have kept them up half the night. They may suffer with an illness you can't detect. An event from childhood may haunt them. They may be exhausted from caring for an elderly parent or sick child. They may wonder how they'll get through another day, but push themselves to do so.

Everybody has a story.

They don't think they measure up either and are hoping you don't notice. They find you just as intimidating as you do them. They long to fit in and be helpful and say the right thing. They want to be special and significant and possess a distinct purpose in life. They want their time on earth to matter too. They question themselves and sigh at their mirror and hope they're doing a good job raising their children. They look at you and envy one of your good qualities.

Everybody has a story.

And yet, we assume they're more "together" than we are. We can't imagine they have any problems at all. We envy their "perfect" lives. We hide our own insecurities thinking they wouldn't understand or think less of us. We isolate instead of communing they way God intended us to, all because of perceptions which probably aren't true.

Everybody has a story.

There is no such thing as a perfect life. Like gold and silver purified in fire, that beautiful person you see is a result of much refining. They have prayed out in desperation, shed many tears and keep picking themselves up to do the next thing. They are a work in progress.

Just like you.

Everybody has a story.

Can you look beyond the exterior? Can you change your assumptions remembering no one gets through life pain free?

Can you remember everybody has a story?



Photo Credit: Clipartpal

A Prayer for a Calm and Divine Soul

Abide in me; o'ershadow by Thy love.
Each half-formed purpose and dark thought of sin;
Quench, ere it rise, each selfish, low desire,
And keep my soul as Thine, calm and divine.

Harriet Beecher Stowe

To have a soul calm and divine . . . if only I could get there. Is mine not so because of my selfish, low desires? Do I struggle because of my half-formed purposes? Does my sin prevent my soul from entering the calm, the divine?

Abide in me too, Lord. Overshadow my human weakness with Your love. Make me. Mold me.

Give me a soul, calm and divine.



Photo Credit: sarniebill1

The Curse

Childbearing was only the tip of the iceberg. Genesis 3 doesn't come out and say it, but when Adam and Eve bit into that stinkin' piece of fruit, we women inherited raging hormones. Think about it. If all was butterflies and roses before then, Eve certainly didn't do the ugly a few weeks each month like I do, right? That came AFTER the Fall. And what makes childbearing painful? Don't unstable hormones play a part? The curse brought on much worse than tough birthing. The pain of childbearing passes. Hormones keep coming back.

Ugh.

Last week my hormones convinced me life was too hard and everything looked terrible. This week life seems manageable. What made the difference? Yeah, you know what I'm talking about, that is, if you're female! I HATE the mood fluctuations. Shouldn't I be able to be more consistent in my emotions? What kind of weak sap am I if I can't overcome the way I feel? Isn't the Holy Spirit within me? Am I not relying on His power? Am I some kind of wimpy Christian? Does falling victim to fluctuating hormones make me unspiritual?

But see, there he is again, that crafty serpent suggesting I may as well give up. What's that verse about smacking him with our heels? Get kickin', girls, we have truth on our side.

The truth is, though I had a tough week emotionally, I used self-control and didn't rip anybody's head off like I wanted to. My family still got fed (maybe not well, but nobody starved). I was a fairly functional adult if you don't count my little weepy bouts. Though it was tougher, I DID keep it together. I DID.

I think God smiles at that. He knows we women struggle. He knows we must rise above a lot of yuck on some days. He knows we're giving the best we can and even though we don't feel too lovable, He sees us through the eyes of our Savior, Jesus, who made us holy, and says, "Isn't she beautiful?"

It's true the curse makes life harder for us. It presents us with a continual temptation to give into our feelings and I know how easy it is to go there friends. Believe me! But we need to remember WHOSE we are. We are daughters of the Most High God. He has declared us holy and righteous through the blood of Jesus. The battle is already won. We need only to press on, stuff the ugly and endure.

I'm right there with you girls! May He continue to give us strength and self-control. Hang in there, you awesome women, deeply loved by God.

The Best Way to Hide

As a child I was good at hiding, both in the physical sense and emotionally. Along with any quiet kid comes an ability to retreat into themselves and I took advantage of mine. It was super easy to sit in a crowded room and watch without getting involved. Nobody worried about what I thought. No one gave it a consideration. I learned a lot about human behavior and body language and communication. Taking in so much and keeping it secret felt powerful. All my impressions were mine alone. I had no reason to fear criticism or judgment.

But time changed me. College professors encouraged expressions of opinion. My work as a teacher put me front and center with a responsibility to release my inner assessments. I married a man in ministry, thrusting our family into the public eye on a regular basis. I helped with a Bible study and found when I admitted to personal thoughts and emotions, even the ugly ones, others related and found comfort. Slowly I emerged, embracing each change as part of growing up, as a step in making me who God had in mind.

But there are days I miss those hiding years, the years as a child when no one knew what ideas ran through my head and no expectations were placed on me because of them. Being stuck at home sick last week brought back the comfort of hiding and made me wonder what God expects of me. Am I to follow my natural instinct to hide or accept where God placed me and allow myself to be out there?

You are the light of the world. A town built on a hill cannot be hidden. Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven.

Matthew 5:14-16

Doesn't sound like much room for hiding there, huh? Yet I know He's designed me as an introvert. This doesn't get me off the hook from shining His light, but how can I stay true to His creation in me yet faithful to the call He's placed on my life?

I do all my hiding in Him.

How abundant are the good things that you have stored up for those who fear you, that you bestow in the sight of all, on those who take refuge in you.
In the shelter of your presence you hide them from all human intrigues; you keep them safe in your dwelling from accusing tongues.

Psalm 31:19-20

When I want to escape, I don't run for the privacy of my mind, I run to His presence.

Are you like me? Do you have days you yearn to hide? Call out to Him. Immerse yourself in prayer. Put yourself in His presence. Ignore the expectations around you and focus on One thing.

Find the best way to hide.



Photo Credit: Susan NYC

Revealing Satan's Best Trick

More play days necessitate more reruns. This post originally appeared October 21, 2008.



Woman A notices Woman B's workout routine is starting to pay off, catches sight of her own hips in the window and grimaces. Woman B wishes she had hair like Woman C, who wonders how Woman A got her teeth so white.

Woman X offers Woman Y a breath mint. Woman Y immediately starts analyzing whether she needs it or not while Woman X hopes being polite does not expose her own halitosis.

Woman D becomes paranoid as Woman E keeps staring at her waist, certain she notices her PMS bloating. Woman E envies Woman D's belt.

Woman R sighs as she steps away from the sink, thinking her hair looks bad. Woman S frowns at her reflection, silently bemoaning the new wrinkles she sees. Woman T enters the bathroom, smiles at them both, secretly wishing she was as together as they are.

Woman L is self-conscious of the zit on her chin as she talks with Woman M who is embarrassed her earrings don't match her shirt.

Woman F wishes she were as thin as Woman G. Woman G longs for a chest like Woman H. Woman H wants to be as young as Woman I. Woman I yearns for pretty eyes like Woman F.

Eyes roam. Comparisons abound. Satan laughs.

What is a woman to do?



Photo Credit: I wish i was the Royal Trux

Our Weakness, God's Strength

“Sin crouches at our doors, looking for fault lines, searching for a point of entry into our hearts and souls. Which is why it’s so important to allow God to expose and confront the cracks in our characters.”

by Joanna Weaver
Having a Mary Spirit

Weaknesses? I've got plenty, enough to beat myself up forever. I try not to go there, though, because one of my worst flaws is self-absorption and stewing over my faults feeds it too much. But I'd be lying if I didn't admit to wishing for greater fortitude and pining away to feel more grown up and sure of myself. I desire a tougher gut, greater decisiveness, an ability to forsake my own comfort for the sake of God's kingdom. God is teaching me, but I'm on a huge learning curve.

And yet God designed me this way. Specifically. For a reason. I need to look at my shortcomings correctly, like Paul who rejoices that His Lord must fill in those gaps.

But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.". . .For when I am weak, then I am strong.

2 Corinthians 12:9-10

I waste my deficiencies if I don't allow God to work on me and use them to His glory. My weaknesses are only weaknesses if I don't let God have His way with me. It can be scary to give Him reign like that in my life. What may He ask me to do? What might He put me through? How much pain will be involved? What will He require of me?

But if I don't allow God to do what He must, my flaws are for nothing except easy attack points for the enemy. This is why one of my consistent prayers is "Make me better than I am, Lord. Make me into YOUR image of me and give me the courage to do what it takes."

. . .For when I am weak, then I am strong.



Join this week's host, Deborah, at Chocolate And Coffee for more ideas on this quote.



Photo Credit: genibee

Smashing the Myth

I see her walk in the room and I sigh. She's so beautiful, smart, spiritual. Her kids are well-behaved. Her husband adores her. She's got her life all together. "She wouldn't understand me," I think, "She's out of my league." What I don't know is she has a volatile relationship with her mother, one of her kids has a learning disability and she and her husband fought all the way to church.

Nobody's perfect. Nobody's life is perfect.

Why is it women can so easily SAY nobody's perfect, but have such a hard time applying it in real life? Why do we too easily forget to look past one's persona to see the real person with real problems? Satan is sure good at warping our thinking, isn't he?

I've been chewing on this post a week now after someone told me they found me "unapproachable" (a word I've heard before from others) until she started reading this blog. My teen-aged daughter sat in the next room chuckling and shook her head. She knows better. I have the same junk everyone does.

But if reading the blog clues people into the real me, proving I'm definitely NOT all that, making them feel comfortable enough to share their own concerns with me, I'm thinking it's important for Christians to admit to our weaknesses. We must do so for the sake of those around us, being vulnerable enough to show others they're not alone in their issues. If we are to build one another up in Christ, it's essential to destroy the myths others may have about us and let them see the real us, flaws and all. Only then can we relate to one another and truly strengthen each other's hearts.

Haven't you felt better hearing someone you respect admit to the same problems you have? Aren't you encouraged that you too can overcome it? Sharing our struggles ministers to others and develops relationships.

Are people getting the wrong impression of you? Admit to your flaws, vocalize your difficulties and crush the untruth. It's a good way to love others and you may find help for your journey.

Do My Expectations of Myself Give the Wrong Message?

For as long as I can remember, truly, since I was a kid, I've struggled with my weight. I've prayed for God to make it a non-issue over and over and over, but He doesn't. I guess it's my "thorn in the flesh," my eternal weakness God doesn't take away so I am forced to rely on Him.

Okay.

Yeah, I say that now. Believe me, I've had plenty of temper tantrums about it. I wish I could say I've quit obsessing about it, but I'd be lying. I'm working on not, or rather, God's working on me. Today He brought me a new reason to get over it already.

If I obsess about it publicly, even if it's only with my closest friends, do I project my expectations of myself onto them? If I expect myself to look a certain way, will my friends think they should too? If I cannot be happy with myself, will they start to believe they must be a certain way to gain my love and acceptance?

Even worse, what do I say to my daughters?

Do I inadvertently place expectations on my loved ones when I put them on myself? I don't want that. I don't want to place ANY expectations on those I love. I want them to feel valued and important no matter what. I want them to know I'm in their corner at all times, that they are deeply loved , that they are safe and esteemed, no matter what their circumstances.

But if I don't give myself the same courtesy, why should they expect me to give it to them?

A Balm of Truth

I've had a rough week feeling lousy about myself.

I know I'm not the only one to struggle with this. On the days you feel less than you want to be, I see it in your eyes. The sparkle is gone. You cross your arms. You speak less. You take more notice of women around you. Your lips do not open when you smile. You hide a little bit.

And you wish you were more.

In the moment we determine ourselves lacking, what does God think? What does He see? If He chose to audibly speak to us, what would He say?

I have loved you with an everlasting love; I have drawn you with loving-kindness. I will build you up again. . .

Come to Me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.

The Lord your God is with you, He is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, He will quiet you with His love, He will rejoice over you with singing.*

We don't have to understand.

We are only to believe it.



*God's Truth from Jeremiah 31:3-4, Matthew 11:28, Zephaniah 3:17

Learning From My Mistakes

As we backed out of the parking stall at the doctor's office, a woman stumbled to her car. She walked so awkwardly, she couldn't be missed. Our eyes followed her to where she fell into the driver's seat and let her head rest on the steering wheel without even shutting her door.

"What in the world?" my daughter muttered.

I wondered the same thing, but pushed aside the thought that said I should make sure she was okay. I was in a hurry after all. I had less than two hours before people were coming to my house for Bible study. I had errands to run, dinner to make and clean up, and who knew what my house looked like since I left six kids tearing around in it while I took this one to the doctor. Besides, this woman just came out of the office herself. She's in the best place if she has a problem.

I stuffed the guilt and moved on.

I know. Don't say it. I had the same argument in my little head.

It didn't take long for the guilt to resurface a few hours later in Bible study. When someone mentioned (wait, could it have really been me?) how little actions make big statements, guess who wanted to slink under her chair? I privately beat myself up about it. How much time would it have taken, really?

As I sat there, feeling heavy and so disappointed in myself, God showed me I had a choice to make. I could continue berating myself, feeling like a horrible person, wallowing in regret, or I could learn from my mistake. If I let myself fall into the familiar guilt pit, would that blind me from other needs? Would it keep me focused on me instead of looking outward? I decided to ask for God's forgiveness, accept it, forgive myself and remember. I cemented in my mind a picture of the woman's head on her steering wheel and prayed I would do better next time.

My next time came sooner than expected. Twelve hours later, I saw an acquaintance I know has been struggling. It would have been easy to pretend I didn't see him. It was a big room. I knew he probably wouldn't stop me. I could have slipped by him without any effort. I needed to pick up my daughter and didn't have a lot of time. I didn't know what to say or how to approach him, but the nudge was there to do it. And I remembered. Real love makes an effort and trusts God for the outcome.

I took a deep breath and wandered his way. Though it felt uncomfortable at first, he was nice. I asked a few questions and before I knew how it happened, he was talking of his pain, telling me more than I ever thought he'd feel comfortable sharing. I had no fancy words, nothing to soothe him, only a sympathetic ear and a pat on the shoulder. Though it didn't seem like much, I hope he felt loved.

I was late picking up my daughter, but wasn't bothered by it. She'll get over it too. The important thing is that God's still working. He's teaching me each day, each encounter is a practice run for heaven. Some days we're on, others we're way off. No matter how we perform, we're getting stronger if we allow Him to keep putting us through the drills. Even though yesterday's "practice" was a total disaster, it helped me for today's which went much better.

May we never forget the pain in messing up. May we learn from our mistakes. May God give us the courage to love others well.

Satan's Best Trick

Woman A notices Woman B's workout routine is starting to pay off, catches sight of her own hips in the window and grimaces. Woman B wishes she had hair like Woman C, who wonders how Woman A got her teeth so white.

Woman X offers Woman Y a breath mint. Woman Y immediately starts analyzing whether she needs it or not while Woman X hopes being polite does not expose her own halitosis.

Woman D becomes paranoid as Woman E keeps staring at her waist, certain she notices her PMS bloating. Woman E envies Woman D's belt.

Woman R sighs as she steps away from the sink, thinking her hair looks bad. Woman S frowns at her reflection, silently bemoaning the new wrinkles she sees. Woman T enters the bathroom, smiles at them both, secretly wishing she was as together as they are.

Woman L is self-conscious of the zit on her chin as she talks with Woman M who is embarrassed her earrings don't match her shirt.

Woman F wishes she were as thin as Woman G. Woman G longs for a chest like Woman H. Woman H wants to be as young as Woman I. Woman I yearns for pretty eyes like Woman F.

Eyes roam. Comparisons abound. Satan laughs.

What is a woman to do?



Photo Credit: I wish i was the Royal Trux

Trying too Hard

Oh, Lord, I think I said too much. I SHOULD have done this. I SHOULDN'T have said that.

Be still, child.

Why can't I get it right? When will I learn?

Shh. . .

I don't want to mess things up.

Where can you go from my Spirit? How can you flee my presence? Isn't my Spirit with you always? Do I not make everything work together for good? How can you "mess up?"

But I don't feel right about it. Isn't that a sign I did it wrong?

I'm still in the process of working on you. You aren't done yet.

I want to be so much more.

Are you saying I'm doing a bad job on you?

Well. . .no. . .

I don't make mistakes.

I didn't say that.

Then stop. Trust me. Be still. Stop thinking so hard. Be who you are. Trust me to make your words and actions powerful. Align yourself with me, be refreshed in my Spirit and your life will count for eternity.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight.
Proverbs 3:5-6

For more Thankful Thursday posts, visit Iris.

Worth and Weakness

"Until you settle the issue of your own worth, it's impossible to bring holiness into anyone else's life. Until you understand that your worth is already determined by the fact of your birth, everything else is an exercise in propping up a dying tree."

~ Carol Brazo ~
"No Ordinary Home"

I've had a real problem with this quote.

Something kept nagging me about seeing my own worth. People (and commenters) tell me I am too hard on myself. I don't see it as beating myself up. I see it as knowing who I am. But I've noticed my children have inherited from their mother an uncanny ability to recognize their own flaws. I refute them and tell them all the wonderful things I see in them, but they, like me, assume I am just being nice (Your mother HAS to think you're special, right?). Last night, in a room of college kids, I was joking around about the nature of my aging skin and battles with weight junk. I noticed as I automatically downplayed myself (I really don't try to put myself down, but it must come out that way) how the eyes of the people in the room shifted to the ceiling and someone uttered an "Oh, whatever, Tami." Is God trying to tell me something regarding my view of myself? Do I dishonor Him when I am keenly aware of my imperfections?

But is it all bad to recognize our deficiencies? Isn't that where the work of God is displayed? When God takes a shy little girl and makes her a leader in her church, doesn't that cause those who knew her when to think, "How did that happen?" Aren't they forced to acknowledge the power of Almighty God? In talking about my personal faults, I mean to show my college girls how far I have come. Can't they see God's hand in that? Shouldn't it bring others hope to see God's power made perfect in our weakness?

I don't agree it is impossible to bring holiness into the lives of others unless we have our self-worth questions figured out. It was my own issues of feeling less than ideal that caused me to reach out to God in the first place. When we, in humility, admit our weakness to Him, doesn't He fill us with His Spirit, doing the work THROUGH us? You know, "When we are weak, He is strong." How can that not be holy?


Be sure to visit our host, Christine.