How People See Me

People have impressions of me, impressions I don't understand. They use words that seem out of place in a sentence including my name, words foreign to who I have known myself to be.

I wish I could see what you do!

I want to scream, "Hey, what planet are you living on?! Don't believe the lies Satan is giving you that I don't struggle or that my life is perfect. Don't look at me without remembering God is powerful and faithful and never gives up on His kids. I've had my share of tears and pain and impossible situations. I know loss and regret. I've hurt people and messed up and wished I was different."

I am not the words people say I am.

I am only a woman, a self-centered, weak woman, trying to do the best she can with what God's given. I am a person fully aware of my humanity, completely reliant on the Holy Spirit to make each day matter.

So while the words are sweet, they also bother me because if that's how people really see me, how helpful can I be? If I'm viewed as charmed or talented or intimidating, aren't I useless to others? Those feelings will keep us apart, keep us from true connection, prevent us from learning from each other and becoming stronger.

And all the while Satan grins at our inability to look beyond the surface.

I've shared my struggles, my inadequacies, my weaknesses over and over again on this blog, yet flowery perceptions still exist. We humans look at each other and form ideas without really knowing any background information. We presume and assume and isolate ourselves with notions which may not be true. We label and categorize with little fact. We're clouded by our own hangups or insecurities and come up short in any comparison.

But really, we're all the same. We all fight with our husbands. We all carry baggage from our past. We all worry about our kids and regret things we've said and wish we could change ourselves. We all want to lose weight and get more fit and improve our abilities. Each of us can spout off a list of twenty faults in ten seconds flat.

What we perceive when we look at others is not all there is.

The thought urges me to look beyond the beautiful exterior of you, to look for the ways God has worked, has helped you overcome. For if I put you in a category out of my league, I won't see God's touch. I won't find inspiration and encouragement to keep pressing on. If I assume I'm not as good as you, I might miss an opportunity to gain strength in our association. If I think you are perfect and have no problems, how will I find hope for my own struggles?

Worse yet, these feelings keep us from each other. We are stronger TOGETHER. We need to quit harboring impressions which cannot be true.

So put away all falsehoods and tell your neighbor the truth because we belong to each other.

Ephesians 4:25

So today I'm here to tell you to put away those falsehoods. I am not all the words you think I am. The truth is we are all the same. We're all muddling through each day wishing we were better people. Would we have greater success if we relied on each other instead of falling for Satan's comparison trap? We belong to each other. We need each other. We are stronger together. Let's quit holding each other at a distance.

How is the body of Christ hurt by inaccurate perceptions?


Photo Credit: KimiVengenz

7 Quick Takes (Volume 181)

1) My guys have finished their P90X series. I've gotta give 'em credit. They made it. I thought it would last a few weeks and they'd be done, but they proved me wrong. And I don't even mind not being able to say, "I told you so."

Ladies Man is scaring me slightly though, as he's been cutting sleeves off shirts like nobody's business. This week we caught him wearing two of Drama Queen's cutoff shirts! The tighter the shirt, the more the guns show, you know. He bursts into a room and does as many plyo pushups (pushups with a clap in the middle and your feet leaving the floor too!) as he can. The pull-up bar has become a fixture in the doorway between the kitchen and the office and he absolutely cannot pass by it without ripping off some pull-ups. As much as I want to shake my head and roll my eyes, I'm taking great joy in seeing his confidence level rise.

The question for them has become, "Now what?" Kevin is quite certain he's not going to embark on another routine requiring grueling workouts six days a week, but doesn't want to lose the muscle tone he's worked so hard for. Any suggestions?

2) Congratulations to Drummer Boy who found out he'll be the snare drum rank leader in the University of Nebraska band next fall. He wrote something on Facebook about how he'd already been living his middle school dream of playing on the line and never imagined he'd get to LEAD it someday. I remember him in middle school, how he'd put on his Eric Crouch jersey and be so serious about the game. If it wasn't going well he'd stomp up to his room all upset and we'd need to give him some space. But I also remember he wasn't one of those who took half time to stretch and get snacks. He always waited to see if they were going to show the band and talked about how one day he wanted to be one of those guys. One day has come and gone beyond now. Wow.

When he texted me the big news I responded with: So my little drummer boy is center stick at a major big ten university. impressive! proud of you!

For some reason he didn't text me back after that. You don't suppose at nearly 22 years old he's sick of being referred to as "my little drummer boy," do you? Whatever. We're happy for you and so proud, my dear son. Congratulations!

3) Miss Innocent One tried her hand at the Katniss braid.


Not a bad job, except people asked her all day why she didn't finish the braid. She said it looked weird, but I think she just got tired of braiding. One kid asked her why she was sporting the side ponytail and her dad said she looked a little "deb-like" after the character in Napolean Dynamite. I'm just glad she's able to do these things on her own now. Her hair-challenged mother has to exercise extreme self-control not to swear or throw a hissy fit whenever doing hair. I hate it and stink at it. I informed my girls at an early age not to expect much. Miss Innocent One was okay with it until Drama Queen moved out. Now she's sucking it up and figuring it out on her own.

I'm bad at hair, don't like doing crafts, hate cleaning, and have made maybe two pies in my lifetime, but at least I don't mind shopping now. I may still qualify as a woman.

4) I did something I rarely do last week. I waxed and plucked my eyebrows. MAMA!!!!, did it hurt! I thought myself a total wimp until a couple days later I noticed I had a few SCABS where eyebrows used to be! I've always accepted that I have coarse hair, but hello, leaving SCABS confirms this is a major hairy deal for me, doesn't it? (Yes, I see what I just said!) No wonder I've avoided this so long. On the plus side, my eyebrows do look better (if you don't notice the scabs).

5) Ladies Man is adding to his harmonica repertoire. This week he added "Happy Birthday" and the Bridal March. And I do believe I heard remnants of the Andy Griffith Show theme song. Kevin ordered him two new real harmonicas, so you may want to be praying for us. We're going to fall asleep each night by harmonica. And you'd be surprised at the number of places he thinks harmonica music adds ambiance. It's fun hearing his new songs, but I'm still glad I have an office with a door.

6) And speaking of Ladies Man, he has big news too. He found out he'll be a drum major next year in his high school band. Miss Innocent One said it should work out well as he's so big he may not even need a ladder! It will be fun seeing him walk out on the field with his fellow drum major, a girl who's at least a foot shorter than him. I think he'll be terrific at it. He is a loud kinda guy who loves to pump people up. Congratulations, bud. We're proud of you!

7) We have another low-key weekend on tap which I find completely glorious. These things don't happen often in our house and probably won't for another month so I will definitely be relishing it. First up, lunch with Drama Queen today (whoop! whoop! and BONUS!!!! she'll be moving home soon for the summer). The rest of Friday and Saturday is totally open. I can do whatever I want, whenever I want to do it. Spectacular. Can you hear me sighing? Ahhhhhhhhhh.

Let the weekend begin! Start yours by taking in more Quick Takes at Conversion Diary.

Put Up or Shut Up

I mean well. Doesn't that count for something?

I make big goals and bold statements to God. I tell Him I'll do whatever He asks. But when the task isn't as glamorous or exciting as I'd like, I get disappointed. I question Him. I whine.

I forget God is a fan of Do What You Say.

Do not be quick with your mouth, do not be hasty in your heart to utter anything before God. God is in heaven and you are on earth, so let your words be few. When you make a vow to God, do not delay in fulfilling it. He has no pleasure in fools; fulfill your vow. It is better not to vow than to make a vow and not fulfill it.

If I say I'll do whatever He asks, that includes whatever He asks, whether I deem it worthy or not. He doesn't require us to promise anything. He just wants us to follow through on what we do. If it comes out of our mouth, He'll hold us to it. He's a God of His Word. He wants us to be too. If I say I'll do anything, I better do anything! God's not much for smooth talkers either.

These people come near to me with their mouth and honor me with their lips, but their hearts are far from me.

Is that a nice way of saying, "Put up or shut up?" Am I guilty of talking big, but delivering little? Do I put on a good show, yet fail to reflect it inwardly? Do my actions match up with my words? If I say, "I'm Your girl, God," yet sigh over the lackluster job He gives, have I condemned myself? Have I proven my heart is far from Him?

Do I believe what I say? Do I DO what I say?

“The kind of religion that God requires, and will accept, does not consist in weak, dull, and lifeless “wouldings”–those weak inclinations that lack convictions–that raise us but a little above indifference. God, in his word, greatly insists that we be in good earnest, fervent in spirit, and that our hearts be engaged vigorously in our religion.”

Jonathan Edwards

Am I just a woman with good intentions or am I a godly woman? How can I tell? How do I know if my "religion" honors God or disgusts Him?

Whoever has my commands and obeys them, he is the one who loves me. He who loves me will be loved by my Father, and I too will love him and show myself to him.

Faith that honors God, does what He says, does whatever He says. Faith that He accepts, is genuine and active, not frustrated and whiny.

Lord, I'm guilty of saying I'll do anything for you, but complaining about what You set before me. Make me earnest, fervent and engaged in any assignment You give. Help me put up or shut up.

How can you "put up" better?

What do you think of this Jonathan Edwards' quote? Link up and share your thoughts.




Scripture passages taken from: Ecclesiastes 5:2, 4-5; Isaiah 29:13; John 14:21

One Flesh

husband and wife
without shame
familiarity
tenderness
security
comfort
God's plan
binding two as one
in body
in heart
in spirit
one flesh
forever connected



Photo Credit: mikecogh

7 Quick Takes (Volume 180)

1) We attended Drummer Boy's Percussion Ensemble concert at the University of Nebraska this week. What a great concert! There were many moments of odd sounds and instruments. At one point it looked like they were banging on bowls and I flashed back to toddler Drummer Boy clearing out my kitchen cabinets and banging on pans with wooden spoons. I had no idea I was fostering his skills by letting him do it! While these students were playing, hands were flying so fast they were blurry. Sounds melded together in unusual ways and you wondered how in the world they put them together. A few times I wasn't sure they WERE together, but they call that 20th century music. In the first piece, Drummer Boy and two other guys each had a station of equipment and often sounded like they were playing three different songs, yet somehow fit it together. I never did quite figure it out. Drummer Boy had the coveted cow bell solo on the last piece and we had a really entertaining evening. Nice work, son.

2) Ladies Man took up the harmonica last week. In a few days time he taught himself to play "I Have Decided to Follow Jesus" and "Amazing Grace" and the ever spiritual classic, the theme song from The Office. He pulled his harmonica out of his pocket after Drummer Boy's concert to show him. He whipped through "I Have Decided to Follow Jesus," then proceeded to play it again, this time with his nose instead of his mouth.

Drummer Boy: Wow. Way to worship.

3) Graduation exercises in our school district fall on Mother's Day this year. What kind of cruel joke is that? Mothers are already a wreck at their kids' commencement and now we're going to do it on their special day?! Isn't that like waving a cheeseburger in front of a guy whose jaw is wired shut? You're a mother, but your children will be ditching you soon. It's an extra jab to our delicate sensibilities. It's enough to know your chicks will be leaving the nest. Why commemorate the painful ordeal on Mother's Day?! Whose idea was that?

Must have been a man.

4) I'm thinking of banning my husband from reading the morning newspaper. Every day he finds something to get in a wad about and he's not even drinking caffeine. This week it was a blurb in a magazine insert that identified a common activity for people in Nebraska to be floating down rivers in cow tanks.

Kevin: Oh my gosh! This is a national magazine. Great. Everyone's going to think people from Nebraska are a bunch of back road hicks. "Yeup. I'm gonna float down that there river in a cow tank." Cause that's all we know here. That's all we do. We just float down the river and shoot the breeze.

I couldn't stop laughing.

Kevin: You want people reading your blog and saying, "Hey, she's from Nebraska. I wonder if she floats down the river in a cow tank?"

I couldn't say anything I was laughing so hard.

Kevin: They might as well say we eat out of pig troughs too. Oh brother.

So I suppose I should tell you for the record, yes, I am from Nebraska, but no, I have never floated down the river in a cow tank, although it sounds like it could be fun and now that I think about it, I believe my brothers have done it. Hey, if we took Drummer Boy with his cow bell it would be perfect. Would that make it better, my darling husband?

And honey, maybe it's time to find a new morning habit.

5) Miss Innocent One's middle school show choir sang for a retirement village the other day.

Me: How was it?

Miss Innocent One: They weren't much of an audience. One lady was smiling and nodding at us and I liked her, but the rest of them were pulling their "Napolean Dynamite" with 'tudes.

Ha! I can actually imagine it. Can't you?

6) And speaking of Miss Innocent One, I'm starting to think she and Drama Queen have switched bodies. Drama Queen is super sweet and appreciative of me now and Miss Innocent One is telling me, "You know, you're kind of a freak sometimes" and "Calm down, Mommy!" Lucky for me Drama Queen will be home this weekend. Glory!

7) We're headed up the road today to watch Ladies Man perform for District Music Contest. He's playing with the Wind Ensemble and performing a trombone trio with a couple of friends. He says they're going to suck, but he says that about everything. We'll see how accurate he is.

I have good and bad memories of District Music Contest. One year I had a killer and I mean, KILLER, clarinet solo that I won the Elkhorn Band Olympics with, beating 50 clarinet players. I was ready to go in and WOW the judge, but on my way out of one building into the next, I nicked my reed on the door jam and ended up squeaking all the way through my performance. I got a II rating and was disappointed to say the least, but it got much worse when everyone in my school that year, EVERYONE, got a I rating except me. And I had the KILLER SOLO!

It was the first of many lessons in humility God has given me. Sigh. It was good for me, I know, but still smarted. And you better believe I am a nazi about using my mouthpiece cover now. I cringe whenever I see kids carrying around reed instruments without one. CRINGE!

Hopefully Ladies Man will have a better time of it today. And, BONUS, I get to hang with Drama Queen all day while we listen. Yes.

That's all I got today, friends. Check out Conversion Diary for more Quick Takes.

A Perfect Friend

I must have surprised her when I told her she was perfect, because three days later she mentioned it in passing, but brushed it off.

"Whatever," she said.

But I meant it. And she knew it.

It's not that she's flawless, not that I idolize her. It's not because I don't know her hangups or issues. But when I look at her, I see a warm soul, a tender spirit, my friend. I see a woman unafraid to be who she is, giving me the courage to do likewise. I love her so much I don't see the faults.

She has extended the same grace to me for sure. She doesn't make me feel like a nutcase though I've given her many reasons to think so. Instead, she hugs me and tells me to quit being so hard on myself and calls me "E.F." (From the old commercials--"When EF Hutton talks, people listen.") Neither of us is actually perfect, but we see each other that way through lenses of love and grace. We think the best though we know the worst.

If human beings, sinful, flawed people can do this, how must God view us? Isn't His capacity for grace and forgiveness exponentially more than ours? If we can overlook mistakes and shortcomings and call each other "perfect," how much more must His heart overflow with love for us? Isn't it quite likely He looks down at us and says, "Oh sure, she's got some junk to work on, but look at her. Isn't she beautiful? Don't you just love her?"

If the blood of Christ washes us clean, why wouldn't He see us this way?

Hallelujah, Glory Be and Praise the Lord!

To him who is able to keep you from falling and to present you before his glorious presence without fault and with great joy--to the only God our Savior be glory, majesty, power and authority, through Jesus Christ our Lord, before all ages, now and forevermore! Amen.

Jude 24-25

Jesus makes us like Him, spotless before God, able to see as He does. He IS the perfect Friend.

And makes us perfect friends.

A Leap of Faith

He hated his job. Every Sunday night, he'd feel sick to his stomach. He knew he didn't want to return to the same school district the next fall, but our first baby was due in a month. We always planned for me to stay home once we added kids to our family, and were committed to it, so the sole responsibility of providing fell to him.

His principal pushed him to sign his contract for the following year. "This is how it's done. Sign the contract. If you get another job, we'll let you out of it."

But Kevin told me, "I can't do it. It's not right to sign a contract knowing you're not going to honor it."

The principal thought he was nuts. "You've got a baby on the way!"

A big part of me agreed. I wanted him to sign the stupid thing, knowing he'd at least have a job if he couldn't find another position. But I found his stance noble. And honorable. And I admired his commitment to staying true to his word. So I followed his lead, but not without fear.

He began the search immediately, looking at teaching jobs and a church position. By the time any firm offers came it was July. The church wanted to see how we clicked with youth group kids and asked us to work with them on a trial basis for three weeks. Meanwhile two schools offered jobs and needed an answer within the week. Our son was two months old and we only had another month of money coming in.

Pursuing the church job required a leap of faith--turning down two other positions without a guarantee he'd be hired. As crazy as it sounds, I don't remember feeling scared. I should have been! If my own children were faced with the same situation, I'd be a nervous wreck. I'd be pushing for the sure thing. But we felt confident we had what the church needed so we followed the Spirit's prompting, took the plunge, turned down the teaching jobs and agreed to the trial period.

We believed God had a plan, and He gave us the courage needed to carry it out. And what a plan it was--we've been at that church 21 years now, enjoying wonderful relationships and opportunities.

And yet I wonder if faced with a similar situation today if I would have the same courage. Would I be able to turn down the sure thing and trust God to work it out now? It's not that He hasn't come through. There have been other financially stressful times, of course--medical bills from a having a new baby and a child facing a serious illness in the same period, owning two houses for seven years, raising four kids on one income. As we speak I have to tell myself not to hyperventilate with two kids in college, four people on our cell phone plan, a kid in braces, and five cars and five drivers on our auto insurance. In our entire married life, we have BOTH worked full-time for only one year.

It hasn't been easy, but we've seen His hand. He's provided. He's gotten us through some bleak years. I guess it's important to remember He will give us what we need to carry out His plan. He will supply the wisdom, the discernment, the courage to help you follow whatever financial path He deems necessary.

The one who calls you is faithful and he will do it.

1 Thessalonians 5:24

God has been very faithful to the Boesiger bunch and He will be to you too. If He calls you to take a leap of faith, He'll give you what you need to jump.

Are you willing to trust Him with your money situation? Have you taken a leap of faith?

Read more Marriage Monday posts at Chrysalis.

7 Quick Takes (Volume 179)

1) We had a fantastic Easter with all the chicks in the nest. My kids continually amaze me at how they seem to like us. The older three came to church later than we did and as soon as they got there hunted for both Kevin and I. Without any prompting from me at all, they said they were sitting with us which hardly ever happens as they normally sit with youth group kids. Even Drummer Boy made it down and warmed my heart as he came to give me a hug without regard to anyone around. All our chicks (and a few extras) filled our row. Wonderful.

After church, we spent the entire Sunday at home, another rarity. The kids had a good time playing video games together, we laid around watching movies and ordered pizza later. Ahhhhhh. Totally loved it. Thanks for making my day, guys. LOVE YOU!

2) Though my kids may seem too old for dying eggs, they tried their hand at it. Ladies Man was a little lazier than the others using a Sharpie, but he sure makes a few scratches look good. Isn't this cute?

Never mind the cracked eggs below this one. Guess who boiled the things too long? I didn't give my kids the best canvas to start with. My fault. Again.

3) Are you superstitious? Today is Friday the 13th. Does that make you nervous? I've never been a superstitious sort, but when I was a teenager a very scary thing happened in my community. I was babysitting late into the night on Friday, January 13th when I got a call from a friend telling me one of our teachers had taken two students snowmobiling. While sliding across a frozen lake, the ice broke and all three tumbled in. I remember feeling a bit freaked out because there was a lake across the street from the house I was babysitting at, not THE lake, but I kept looking out the picture window imagining. ((shudder)) One of the students was able to get out, but the teacher and the other student died. I think of them every Friday the 13th. So sad.

4) I was feeling particularly grouchy this week about my lack of being able to eat anything good and somehow started regaling my poor husband on all the injustices I've suffered in life. As a child I ate everything I wanted (and then some), and my body showed it.

Me: I had to wear chubby sizes.

Kevin: What?! They called it chubby?!

Me: YES! Of course they don't now. That wouldn't be politically correct, but when I was a kid, the big girl sizes were called chubby and the big boy was called husky.

Kevin: That's terrible!

Me: Is it any wonder I still have a hard time looking at myself in the mirror?! I spent my childhood in chubby sizes!

Kevin: Well, there's more fat kids now, so maybe that was a good thing. Maybe using the word chubby made kids more aware of their bodies.

Me: It didn't help me! I still ate my biscuits and gravy in the mornings. All it did for me was hurt my self-esteem.

Kevin: So now we have a bunch of fat kids with good self-esteem?

Me: At least they won't have a complex the rest of their lives like me.

The crazy thing is whenever I show someone a picture of me from the days I considered myself fat, they always say, "You don't look that bad." So why did I feel gargantuan? Stupid childhood hangups.

5) Drama Queen informed me this week that Ladies Man's feet are so big, his toes are as big as fingers. She pointed out that her pinky finger was smaller than his second toe. Miss Innocent One and I found the same phenomenon. If feet gross you out, especially big smelly man feet, you may want to skip on to number 6.


6) One day this week hormones got the best of me and I was naggy mom, annoyed and mouthy mom, mean mom and whiny wife, all in the same day. Lord, help my poor family! Drama Queen, you are the only one who got out unscathed. Consider yourself fortunate. To the rest of you, I'm sorry.

7) I'm looking forward to a weekend with nothing on the calendar. Nothing. I'm hoping to get some very needed yard work done and maybe a little relaxing. I'm getting tired of always having something pressing to do.

I hope your weekend is relaxing too, friends. If you're laying around looking for something to read, click over to Conversion Diary for more Quick Takes.

Feeling Sorry For Myself

I look at my husband's plate where a cheeseburger rests, piled high with all the fixings on a fluffy white bun, Doritos AND Cheetos scattered around it. I look at my own and see a hamburger on a thin, wheat bun and a mountain of greens in the bowl next to me. I sigh and say nothing until we're done eating, then chide him about the pie he told his mother to leave after Easter dinner.

"You're the one who wanted it. It's taunting me in the kitchen. I told her she should take it. You better eat that."

He obliges, but when he brings the bowl with the luscious pie heaped with ice cream to the table, I can hardly take it.

"I am so jealous you can eat that. You don't even have to think about it. You eat whatever you want whenever you want. I'm so jealous."

Poor me.

I only get to page three in my new Bible study book when it hits me. This author is good, really good. I suck. Why bother?

Poor me.

My friends are off on Easter getaways taking advantage of some days off school to hang with their families and as a pastor's wife I can never be gone from church on Easter. Ever. I can never blow off Bible study because I need time to catch up at home or skip choir if I don't feel like going.

Poor me.

I force myself to the gym, feeling defeated and melancholy on the ride over. Some people don't put in a minute of exercise and maintain a good shape, a healthy body. Why does it have to be such a struggle for me? Why do I have to kill myself regularly? Must a person always have sore muscles and joints? Why does it have to be so hard?

Poor me.

But while stopped at an intersection on my way to the gym, I see a sweet mentally handicapped woman trying to decide if she should cross the street or wait for me to pass. Just stepping off the curb was a chore for her, but she patiently kept at it. Her walking was labored, yet she pushed ahead smiling, happy to be off to her destination.

And I thought, "What is the matter with you, Tami? Some people have real problems." Reality check.

We all have our issues, our weaknesses, characteristics we wish were different in ourselves, but aren't all placed there for a reason? Don't they make us into the people God intends us to be? What good does it do to whine over them?

What sorrow awaits those who argue with their Creator. Does a clay pot argue with its maker? Does the clay dispute with the one who shapes it, saying, "Stop, you’re doing it wrong!" Does the pot exclaim, "How clumsy can you be?"

Isaiah 45:9

Do we anger God with our complaining? In focusing on the things we don't like, do we miss the good things He's given? Wouldn't our energy be better spent working on our weaknesses? Would we feel better accepting the way things are and figuring out how to deal with it?

Shame on poor me. It's time to get busy and quit my bellyaching.

How do you stop feeling sorry for yourself?



Photo Credit: Christian Cable

1000 POSTS!

Can you believe it?! Plenty of late nights and early mornings, countless hours spent thinking and listening and typing, trails of scribbled notes, and brainstorms in the shower have resulted in 1000 posts. 1000 days of anxiety and joy, of honesty and struggle, of wonder and confusion. I have swallowed hard 1000 times and clicked "Publish." 1000!

How does one commemorate this? I want to celebrate and make a big deal of it, yet I know God is the one who's made it happen. Perhaps I should just sit and ponder like Mary. I am indebted to God for the lessons He's taught in this endeavor, truths about myself and people and how He works.

What have I learned through writing 1000 posts?

1. God can make good out of anything, even a middle-aged woman's drivel.

2. We all need reminders of simple truths.

3. No one may care about what you say, but that doesn't release you from God's command to say it.

4. Honest words are powerful.

5. There's something helpful about knowing you're not alone.

6. You can't predict how people will react.

7. You can't please everybody.

8. People are reading even if they don't comment. (I can tell by the way people I know in real life react to me.)

9. Opening yourself up can be risky but worth it if it helps someone.

10. People are amazingly similar in their worries and fears, yet hesitant to be the first one to bring it up. How much more connected would we be if we were willing to talk about our dirt with each other?

For the most part, this blogging journey has been a good ride, not without a few bumps, but a good ride nonetheless. As I look to the future, though, I still breathe heavy at the responsibility. My spirit longs for God's touch to make it matter. And I beseech a Holy God the same way I did nearly four years ago in A Blogger's Prayer.

Thank you, my friends, for your kind words, for making this ordinary woman know she's not alone, for sharing your own beautiful words. I am better because of our relationship.

Thank you for 1000 posts.



Photo Credit: kslaven

Building Homes

HOME: 1) the place where one lives permanently, 2) a place from which something flourishes, is most typically found, or from which it originates, 3) the family or social unit occupying such a place

You know how they say "the church" is not a building, but the body of believers that inhabit it? I think "home" is a similar word. It's not an actual structure, but a group of people occupying the same space.

My home is not an old house on 8th street. It's my husband, my children, my people. They are where my heart lives permanently. They are where I am typically found. They are where I flourish.

But just as a dwelling isn't erected by itself, homes--people sanctuaries--do not magically appear. It requires effort on our part.

The wise woman builds her house, but with her own hands the foolish one tears hers down.

Proverbs 14:1

To have a strong home, I need to resist the urge to tear down my people, a pretty tall order. Spend enough time with anyone and they'll eventually get on your nerves, right? But if I want to create a place from which I and my loved ones flourish I've got to build them up. This means no matter how many times he leaves his clothes on the floor, there is no place for pointing fingers or blaming. Even when I get frustrated with bad habits and annoying practices, I should avoid flinging weaknesses or mistakes in the faces of those I love. Complaining or belittling does nothing to build anyone up, does it? I must extend inordinate grace, knowing I'm no peach to live with either.

If only we came equipped with a buzzer that would go off every time we were tempted to tear down.

"You always forget your lunch money!"

BUZZ! Don't be a fool!

"How many times do I have to ask you to do that?!"

BUZZ! Fool!

"Don't be an idiot."

BUZZ! FOOL!

You know what I'm talking about? It's so easy to sling the bad, but much harder to take a breath and search for a better thing to say. Our words can be powerful nails or destructive crowbars. We must choose them carefully.

I want to create a sanctuary so I pray God reminds me to point out the good they do, to speak of their admirable qualities. I need to spend more time determining what is true about them and finding their strengths instead of searching for witty jabs or vengeful comebacks.

Building homes takes work, but sanctuary is worth it to me.

What about you? How do you build your home?



Photo Credit: tamaki

7 Quick Takes (Volume 178)

1) We ventured up to Omaha for the Heartland Winter Arts Association Percussion Championships last weekend to see Drummer Boy perform. Though he said otherwise, I thought they looked good and are quite impressive. These people are moving at an amazing clip with drums strapped to them and playing nearly the whole time. He's always VERY sweaty afterwards, but I hug him anyway. Gotta do it when you got 'em, right? They're headed to world championships in Dayton, OH in a few weeks.

Yes, Drummer Boy has a blue streak running down his face, part of his costume you see. And I'm so impressed with us. With the exception of Ladies Man's shorts, we are color coordinated! We don't do this well for family picture time!

2) The adventures in Omaha continued as our van went haywire after we ate dinner. The sliding doors wouldn't open, it wouldn't start and the clock was moving backwards! We sat in the Applebee's parking lot forever, but the weather was fantastic, so it didn't seem so terrible. We ended up having to tow it away and cram into Drummer Boy's car to get home. We had four women in the back seat of his Grand Prix! Good thing we like each other.

Even more frustrating is the fact that no one can find anything wrong with the van! Checking it on the computer diagnostics showed nothing and it runs fine now. Weird. It makes a person slightly nervous to drive around in it wondering when it will get fruity again. I guess we can call it another lesson in trust.

3) This is what happens when the parents have to travel back to Omaha to pick up a van and aren't around to nag their kids about doing their homework. Miss Innocent One and Ladies Man decided to procrastinate and make it somewhat palatable by creating this birthday video. Be sure to keep watching even when the song is over for more goofiness. (Email subscribers will need to click over to the blog to view this.)



4) I am continually amazed by how connected Drama Queen and I really are. I guess I never realized it until she moved out. When you live with a person, you don't always say the things on your mind because you figure you can do it any time. But when you don't have that convenience any more, you tend to say it when you have the chance.

Case in point--this text I received from Drama Queen.

"I wouldn't have a problem at all seeing you every day this week."

Now this is something she NEVER said while living at home, and I imagine never even thought, but being separated puts things into perspective, doesn't it? I guess there are some positives to having your children grow up and move out. Love you, babe!

5) We attended another Wet Ink! concert this week, the concerts where composition students debut their pieces. This time Drummer Boy wrote a piano piece and asked Kevin to play it for the concert. When he announced his piece and introduced his dad, the audience actually went "Awwww!" It reminded me of this picture taken when he was just two years old.

And now he's all grown up, working with his daddy again. I like it.

The University's newspaper, The Daily Nebraskan, wrote this about it:

"One of the night’s most sentimental moments was the performance of 'Quietus Quelled,' a number composed by senior music composition major Keygan Boesiger, whose father, Kevin, performed the song as a favor to his son.

The title, which translates to 'death conquered,' is a reflection of the story of Jesus’ crucifixion and resurrection, as Boesiger explained prior to his performance."

6) I've decided that Drama Queen is my alter ego. She says and does all the things I wish I had the guts to say and do. At the Wet Ink! concert the other night, one of the presenters was a little too perky for my tastes, making corny jokes and wearing me out just watching her. She gave her quirky little speech, then sat at the piano to begin her piece. Before the music began Drama Queen leaned over to me and said, "I'm already annoyed." And I couldn't help it. I laughed and laughed cause she pegged exactly what I was feeling.

You think it's too late for me to want to be her when I grow up?

7) Congratulations to Miss Innocent One and her eCYBERMISSION team, whose entry won first place in the state competition with an experiment that created hydrogen. Sadly, they don't get to move on to regionals, but the $500 prize per team member softened the blow. Great work, guys!

That's the week at the Boesiger house, friends. I pray you have a Happy Easter and take some time to reflect on its significance. Christ rose from the dead so we may be joined with God in eternity. Definitely tough to grasp with human minds, but I'm thankful nonetheless. Where would we be if He wouldn't have come? Thank You Jesus!

Mothering Adults

I think I stink at it.

It's been a hard transition, figuring out what my role is supposed to be in the lives of my adult children. First of all, I can't believe I HAVE adult children. Though my mirror tells me otherwise, I still feel like I'm about 12.

My oldest moving out for college tugged hard on my heart. Really, I feel sorry for poor Drummer Boy who has to be the one to experience all the firsts his mother is forced to deal with. When the guy went to kindergarten I cried every day for at least a week. The summer before he went to college was horrible. I dreamed about him leaving and worried about how it would affect our family. After he left, looking at his empty place at the table every night made me so sad. To protect my weak heart, I adopted an "out of sight, out of mind" attitude. Talking to him made me miss him more. Hearing about issues he might be having made me worry and fret. I felt better if I wasn't reminded of our missing piece, our little Drummer Boy. No one needed to worry about me being a helicopter parent. I erred on the side of not enough communication. Yeah, cowardly. I know. Not proud of it.

I'm not sure I ever got a handle on the loss of Drummer Boy in our every day lives, when I lost another child to adulthood. Throughout her entire senior year of high school, thinking about Drama Queen leaving the nest left a pit in my stomach. Because their personalities are so different, my worries for her varied from my concerns for her brother, but the familiar ache was there. Somehow I didn't stress about it quite as much the summer before she left. Maybe dealing with her broken wrist helped, plus I remembered how miserable our last summer with Drummer Boy was and didn't want to repeat it. Every time I felt the panic about it, I pushed it aside, determined to enjoy our last months with her home.

When Drama Queen moved out, people asked me if it was easier since we'd done it before. No way. Not even close. Each child is a unique loss, you know, with specific strengths and traits they bring to the family. How can it be easier to lose another piece of us? Another empty place at the table brings it front and center every day. I'm such a wimp that after I left her at college, less than an hour away, I cried half the way home.

But I'm learning. While it might be easier for me personally to have an "out of sight, out of mind" attitude, it didn't feel right. Honestly, I felt weak and lame and worried about it sending the wrong message to my kids even though I've explained it to them. God's been working hard on me to give my adult children to Him. He's teaching me to detach myself from their every emotion and problem. This phase of mothering requires giving them space, letting them figure things out for themselves which might be tough to watch. I'm learning, slowly, to trust God with it.

I've decided instead of worrying, I need to remind them who they are (members of both our family and God's). I set up a Boesiger Bunch page on Facebook which is just for our family and occasionally post things there--old pictures, verses which hit me, videos I know they'd get a kick out of. It's a simple way to stay us.

I'm learning I don't need to know all the details unless they need to talk about them. I still don't call very much, but I text when I'm thinking of them. I don't question their every move. If I have concerns I voice them and leave it. I don't freak when I read stressful sounding Facebook statuses or notice a posting at 3:AM.

I pray, pray, pray. So much praying.

I'm finding this stage of motherhood the hardest yet. I can't do it for them. I don't dictate the path. I can't block the hazards. I'm only the sounding board when asked. But in muddling through, in bringing my anxieties to a very good God, I'm learning to trust Him, the One who writes the plan, who loves them more than I do, to bring about His glory in their lives.

And I grow too. Maybe more than they do. Isn't that just like God?

Do you have adult children? How do you mother them?

If He Wouldn't Have Come

I have a hard time truly understanding the Resurrection. Every year I pray for greater comprehension of Easter and its monumental message, but I can't say I've gotten a better handle on it. I must pare away the churchy words and bring it down to a level I can catch. So this year I decided to think on what my life would be like if He wouldn't have come.

If Jesus wouldn't have come, died, and conquered death by coming back to life . . .

. . . I would be slaughtering animals, OFTEN, to pay for my mistakes. Ew.

. . . I couldn't approach God with any amount of confidence.

. . . there would be no clear way to heaven.

. . . my life would lack meaning and purpose.

. . . I'd always be waiting for the other shoe to drop, certain I'd offended God.

. . . the Holy Spirit wouldn't reside within, guiding and teaching me each day.

. . . I would not know the comfort of a sympathetic God.

. . . there would be no mansion waiting for me in heaven.

. . . I would not have a friend that sticks closer than a brother, available to me any time, anywhere, for any reason.

. . . I would be lost.

By coming back to life, Jesus proved He is God. He provided a way to unite with our Heavenly Father and ensured a place for us in heaven. These are HUGE implications for our lives, yet tough to grasp. I've decided to accept it anyway.

Because I am changed.

I know who I was and who I am since choosing to believe the Truth about Jesus. I know the impact our relationship has on me. I can muddle through no matter how gray the days are on earth, knowing the best is yet to come. Because of Him, I cope with the stresses of life. I know anything hard will be made good. There is beauty in life. Because Jesus came, died and yet still lives, I have hope and a future.

“No one can remain neutral regarding Jesus’ resurrection. The claim is too staggering, the event too earthshaking, the implications too significant and the matter too serious. We must either receive it or reject it as truth for us. To remain indifferent or undecided is to reject it.”

Mark Driscoll

Even though I don't fully understand it, I accept the Resurrection because I am changed.

What about you? Have you believed Jesus, the Son of God, died on your behalf and rose again to unite you with God? Just as ignoring or dismissing a red light doesn't save you from the consequences, ignoring or dismissing Jesus doesn't nullify His work and the impact it has on your future.

How would your life be different if He wouldn't have come? What do you believe about the Resurrection?

Visit Loni at Writing Canvas for more thoughts on this quote.



Photo Credit: David Gunter