It's hard to live with people. There is no way to get into each other's heads. We can't predict how one may take our sense of humor. It's difficult to completely understand another's perspective on any given issue. We don't know where someone has come from or what experience may have caused a sensitive spot for them. And so, in our encounters with people, even those we love, we are bound to hurt each other. It is rarely intentional, yet, I think, inevitable. We are human.
I discussed it with a couple of friends, who felt hurt by the words or actions of someone close to them. "What do you do with those feelings? How do you get rid of them?" we asked. "I know the Christian thing is to forgive and move on," one woman said, "but I just can't shake the feelings."
What do you do when you get your feelings hurt? Do you say something? Do you let it go? I've thought about it all week and wondered at the best way to handle it. I have asked God over and over again, "What am I supposed to do with the feelings?"
His response was not what I wanted to hear and will be even harder to put into practice, but here goes. . .
I am not innocent. I have inadvertently hurt, no doubt, lots of people. How would I want them to react to me? Would I want them to stew about it and not let me off the hook?
Reject the "right" to be hurt. Maybe what they did or said was unjustified, but maybe there is an ounce of truth in it. This requires you to suck it up and make the other person more important. "Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves." (Philippians 2:3) Why are MY feelings most important? SHOULD my feelings be most important?
Have the humility to be hurt. "If someone strikes you on one cheek, turn to him the other also. If someone takes your cloak, do not stop him from taking your tunic. Give to everyone who asks you, and if anyone takes what belongs to you, do not demand it back. Do to others as you would have them do to you." (Luke 6:29-31) If someone's going to be hurt, why NOT me? Should it be the other person instead? Is that a way to love others? It may not seem fair and we may not like it, but if we model Christ, we need to remember He chose to take our pain.
Don't assume anything. Don't assume the worst. Rarely is someone jabbing you on purpose. A hasty comment may be only that, words said before being thought out too well. I completely blow at this. I've got to quit making something of nothing. Being sensitive in this way totally exposes my pride. If I take things personally, I must think everything is about me, right? Oh, brother, Tami, get over yourself!
Forgive and forgive and forgive. Do I really need to quote the verse about 70 x 7? Enough said.
Trust the people you love to be honest with you and if you have doubts, have the courage to bring it up. I often waffle over whether I should tell someone when they've hurt me. I've decided most of the time it only serves to make ME feel better, not necessarily resolve the situation. However, if the hurt is damaging your relationship, maybe it is time to say something. In doing so, it is important not accuse and to admit your part in the problem. Once it is lovingly put out there, the big elephant can be taken out of the room. You can reconnect in honesty and move on.
Maybe we don't have to get rid of the feelings. Maybe we need to put them in the right place. Maybe we need to deny them. Maybe that is what humility is about, doing what is right despite how we are feeling.
I leave you with the scripture that has been bouncing around in my puny brain all week.
"If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone." (Romans 12:18)
"Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love which binds them all together in perfect unity." (Colossians 3:12-14)
(Photo courtesy of
jimfrazier at
flickr.)