Finding the Right Mark

PURPOSE
something set up as an object or end to be attained: intention, resolution, determination

Does God build into each of us a desire to do something BIG in life? Or is it our own egos wanting to be known for something? What is it in us that belittles anything we do? Why do we feel whatever we have done is not enough? Am I the only one who asks herself these questions?

What makes you get out of bed in the morning?

What is your purpose?

What is your end goal? What do you determine to do? Where are you heading? How does your daily life get you there?

(If you're thinking, "Oh, boy, Tami, aren't we hitting it a little hard here? Get a cup of coffee or something and chill already," you're not alone. The same thought just crossed my own mind!)

We put a lot of pressure on ourselves, don't we? Well, maybe you don't, but I do. I want my life to count for something. I think I need to accomplish some amazing feat for it to matter. Surely I need an impressive title or credits to my name. Shouldn't I be working towards something significant to have real purpose in life?

I too easily overlook what is right before me. I have purpose, YOU have purpose, in the ordinary. It is no small thing to be a mother. There is value in cultivating integrity and completing any job well, whether anyone else notices or not. Simply connecting with people is great work. Why do I let Satan tell me otherwise? Most ordinary tasks do not bring attention or notoriety, but does that make them less important in God's eyes? I often think those things done quietly and consistently are more pleasing to Him because they are done without expecting pats on the back. They are done purely out of love.

As I struggle with these thoughts, I can't help but think of Jesus' words to Martha, "you are worried and upset about many things, but only one thing is needed." I imagine Him saying the same thing to me.

"Tami, Tami, you are worried and upset about many things, but only one thing is needed. Concentrate on Me and I will lead you where you are to go. Your purpose is to seek Me and follow. That's all. One day at a time, in determination, consistency and trust. I am your purpose."

Forgive me, Lord, for getting lost in my head, lost in my culture, plain lost. Remind me each morning You, and You alone, are my purpose. When I seek to follow You first, You will guide my every step and the rest will be added in Your time. Thank You, Lord. You ease the burden.

Getting Doinked

The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.
John 10:10

A series of unfortunate events caused her bank account to dwindle. Doink. Every time she turned around another problem arose, some big, some very minor, all very irritating. Doink, doink. Though she was determined to press on, the annoyances kept coming, so much so that soon she wasn't even surprised anymore and started responding with a sigh and an "of course". She knew what was happening.

Some mornings she would awake with a jolt, as if someone had suddenly shaken her and panic swept through. DOINK! It was irrational, she knew. Guilt suggested it was probably disrespectful to God as well. Doink. The battle was exhausting and so disheartening, making her question herself and her value. Doink, doink, doink.

Yet there was no choice except to fight. Seeking after the Only Solution, she found Him faithful. He soothed the doink wounds and pulled her through. She took great comfort in knowing no matter how the thief may attack, her powerful God would use it to make her better. He would see her through the anxiety and at the same time produce strength and tenacity. He could make her soul full and rich despite, or maybe because of earthly adversities.

And so she sang,

Great is Thy faithfulness,
great is Thy faithfulness.
Morning by morning new mercies I see.
All I have needed Thy hand hath provided.
Great is Thy faithfulness, Lord unto me.

Can you praise your way through the doinks?

Be sure to visit Iris for more Thankful Thursday posts.

What is the right way?

Can I let you in on a little secret?

I've always had a hard time with witnessing. To be honest, the word itself makes me clench my teeth. It seems like it sets we Christians up as the superior, all-knowing people out to save the ignorant saps below.

Okay, okay, I know that's a little strong and not fair at all. I have great respect for people who are good at evangelism (I much prefer this word to "witnessing"), great respect and awe. Perhaps the devil has planted these images in my head to discourage me from participating. I assure you I understand my responsibility to tell others about Christ. More so, I desire to be obedient to the God I love. I purpose to do it, though I often question myself wondering if I've done it "right" or done enough. And I'm usually scared spitless.

It's not because I don't have experience. I've done stints with different organizations where I've gone door to door to strangers and was so uncomfortable I thought I would vomit. I've felt an actual physical ache to share my faith with others, but heard my pulse in my ears when I recognized the opportunity I'd prayed for. I've chickened out and lived to regret it. I've let it rip and lived to regret it. I've talked to people purely out of obedience to God, taking me out of every comfort zone I've ever known, and yet seen no result. I've talked to people who have responded and to those who've looked at me as if I actually DID vomit on their living room carpet.

I fear coming off condescending. I hate it when someone assumes I need spiritual help and I don't want to belittle anyone that way. I don't want to offend. Yes, yes, I know the gospel is offensive to those in darkness. I understand all that. It's just that I want a softer approach. I want to show sincere love and respect. I want people to be drawn to me as they were to Jesus. Lest you think me full of myself, let me remind you people SHOULD be drawn to His Spirit living in me.

And then there's the whole issue of how you actually EXPLAIN God. Is that truly possible? I am very secure in my relationship with Jesus and wholeheartedly believe He is the way, the truth and the life, yet how do you EXPLAIN that to someone? How can we ever do Him justice?

Now I know there are times we must be ready to give an account. When my father turned to me in the oncologist's office and said, "It kind of makes you think about the after life," I needed a reply. I blew it the first time, but God was gracious to give me another shot and my dad died in peace. So I get that. I have to be ready, but man, the whole evangelism burden gets awfully heavy some days.

Some of you may think me crazy, but I've decided to approach evangelism kind of backwards. Instead of assuming the people around me are "lost", in need of Jesus, and I am their only connection (wow, that's a LOT of pressure), I assume others believe the same way about Christ as I do. I work very hard to converse with people as if we're all on the same page, as if they sat in on Bible study every Wednesday at my house. I find I don't fear their reaction so much and am more sincere. I'm telling them how Jesus fits in my every day life. Plus I'm being true to the uniqueness of me, created specifically by God and feeling more natural and comfortable doing it. I'm just being me. That isn't scary at all (shh, don't say it, no comments, please!). I am not trying to be the authority or point out their "needs" and they are still exposed to the living God in an ordinary woman.

I suppose everyone has their own ideas about evangelism. Don't let this be one-sided. What are your thoughts on it?

Un-nesting

The year of Tami feeling old continues. . .

Yesterday we took our son to his college's Summer Advising and Enrollment day. Yes, this is really happening. It was pretty weird sitting through the sessions, remembering exactly how it felt over twenty-five years ago when I was the potential student. I'm sure I wasn't alone in my feelings as my husband kept looking around the room saying, "We look younger than them, don't we? They're older than us, don't you think? We're probably some of the youngest ones here, wouldn't you say?" I didn't burst his bubble and just let him live in lala land, shrugging my shoulders and raising my eyebrows politely.

He, on the other hand, kept telling me to take a breath and calm down. What I thought was cheerful, fun-loving conversation, he decided was running off at the mouth. "Honey, really, you're talking 500 miles an hour. Take a breath." Yeah. Right. King Blabbermouth was trying to tell me to zip it. Where does he get off? When I appealed to Keygan for help, he just shook his head and laughed saying, "Geez, Mom."

Okay, so maybe I was a wee bit anxious about being there. Nah, had to be too much caffeine.

Throughout the day matronly control slipped from my fingers. (Who am I kidding? When was the last time I was really in control?!) I was slapped up side the head with the realization I am going to have to let the kid go. I know. I'm working on it, truly I am. And I must say the college did a good job of helping me. Obviously they've dealt with this. I'm pretty sure they designed the day to be baby steps for moms like me. We were together with our kids for the whole morning, but after lunch they took the students to register for classes AWAY from us. We got no say. I couldn't even mumble or sigh over his shoulder to direct his choices. It felt like a deliberate snip of the apron strings. And they may as well have given every afternoon speaker a megaphone to scream, "Back off, woman!"

I got the message loud and clear. I've got to let him sink or swim. Dang.

Lord, help us both!

A Blogger's Prayer

Lord Jesus,

You say in Proverbs, "When words are many, sin is not absent" and I know the more I write here, the more likely I am to fall. It scares me, Lord. I know people cannot hear my tone of voice as they read. They aren't able to clue into my body language or see the tears in my eyes. They don't know how long it takes to choose the right word or find words at all. They can't see how I agonize over being respectful and sensitive while trying to relay what You've put on my heart. There is no way for them to know how many words, paragraphs, posts are left out in an attempt to spare feelings.

But You know, Lord. You know my heart's intent. At the core of who I am is a woman who desperately wants to honor You and point others Your way, but I am human. Despite my best efforts, I will fail. I do fail. When words are many, sin is not absent. I have hurt people, Lord, not intentionally, but that doesn't make my heart hurt less. I have offended and will probably, unknowingly do it again. You know how that grieves me, Lord. So much so, that many days it does not seem worth the risk.

Yet something in me, something I sense as Your spirit will not let me rest if I quit. Even on my lowest days a questions haunts me. How do you tell God no?

So today, Lord, I ask You to go before me. I echo the words of Moses saying if Your presence does not go with me, do not send me. What else will distinguish me from all the other people on the face of the earth? Don't let me be self-indulgent, wasting words and time. Give me wisdom and discernment, grace and sensitivity.

Mostly, Lord, get me, this very ordinary woman, out of Your way. Speak to us, Lord. May those who come to this blog look past me to see You.

I love You, Lord. I want to be Your girl. Enable me to do so.

In Your Holy name I pray,
Amen

Slaying Monkeys

The monkey clung to her, weighing her down, making every task more difficult. She tried shaking it off, but it wouldn't let go. In the darkness of night it woke her suddenly, frightening her with its grip. She would lay very still, breathe as deeply as she could and pray for relief. She would recite in her head as many Bible verses as she could remember and utter the name of Jesus over and over until eventually the monkey let her sleep. But even in her dreams, it found a way of haunting her and each morning she pulled herself out of bed, already weary of the burden.

The weight of the monkey made her resistance low, causing her to say things she shouldn't to those she loved and when she realized what was happening, the monkey just laughed, "See, you messed it up again." It mocked her, pointing out her every flaw,whispering lies in her ear--"See, I told you you couldn't do it right" or "What you do doesn't matter" or "Nobody cares what you think."

When she quit listening to it, the monkey held onto her neck with one arm and used the other to wreak havoc in her house, taunting her with mishaps, breakdowns and illness to distract and stir up anxiety. It flashed dollar signs in her head to make her think of the temporary instead of the eternal.

The monkey hung tight, casting a shadow on her life, yet experience told her there was one solution. She found if she went about her business, if she plowed through to do what she was supposed to do, no matter how difficult it may be, the monkey grew tired too and would loosen its hold. Even if it took five times longer to finish the job, when she did, the monkey lost some strength. She knew if she kept pushing forward it may eventually give up.

You need to persevere so that when you have done the will of God, you will receive what he has promised. For in just a very little while, "He who is coming will come and will not delay. But my righteous one will live by faith. And if he shrinks back, I will not be pleased with him." But we are not of those who shrink back and are destroyed, but of those who believe and are saved.

Hebrews 10:36-39

Are you fighting your monkey by pressing on?


Photo Credit: dboy

Above Reproach

Twenty-five years ago my husband belonged to a Christian singing group that toured the country. The organization had strict regulations on what its members could or could not do. Women were NEVER allowed to wear pants, not even to exercise. They wore culottes (sort of a skirt looking thing with a split legs). Men could not have facial hair and were required to shave every day whether they needed to or not. Sandy Patty was too radical for music. They were only allowed to read the King James version of the Bible. If a member was over their "tour weight", they didn't get to perform. Many people would call their rules radical and legalistic. Since they were performing in churches across the country, they thought it important to be careful to offend no one. They were staying above reproach.

It's a good concept. I understand the theory behind their thinking even if I find the rules outrageous. Many Christians today wish to do the same, keep themselves set apart from the world and above reproach of their fellow believers, but I wonder if we are fooling ourselves.

Is it truly possible to stay above reproach?

My husband and I write programs and musicals for our church. We spend MONTHS researching facts and searching out what God says about things in His Word. We start praying about and for the Christmas musical at least as early as May. We understand the great responsibility and know apart from God our efforts mean nothing, yet not a production goes by where we don't hear criticism about something. We are NOT above reproach. But we feel completely in God's will doing what we do. How do you explain that?

If we stay "safe" as Christians, other believers may say we aren't "relevant". If we try to be "authentic", we're blamed for being "worldly". Why is it so hard for us to see eye to eye on things? How can we miss recognizing God's Spirit in each other? Why does God give us such differing opinions?

What are your thoughts? Have you found a way to stay above reproach?

Our Wedding

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Five things that could have ruined our wedding.

1. The pastor I grew up with was too ill to do the ceremony. Our second choice, a pastor who had also been one of our professors in college, was unavailable. We ended up with a guy named Reverend Bump. Our initial meeting confirmed his name suited him.

2. It rained HARD all day and my cousin called to say we wouldn't be able to use his Model A because it didn't have windshield wipers.

3. The zipper in my dress split open when my mom zipped me into it. Being the smart cookie she is, she tried again, nonchalantly suggested we put a few pins in for good measure and didn't tell me about it until the next day.


4. We wanted to take communion as our first act as a married couple. Due to my miscommunication, we discovered a few minutes before the ceremony we had no bread. We scrounged the church kitchen and found some croutons. We later wished we would've checked the expiration date when we spent half the wedding digging them out of our teeth.

5. We decided to do traditional vows AS WELL AS our own statements to one another. Did you ever have to give a really important speech in front of 400 people when your insides were already mush?




Five things that DIDN'T ruin our wedding.

1. Reverend Bump turned out to be a pretty decent guy. He apparently listened intently to our personal statements and used them later in his message to make things more personal for these kids he'd only met once. Most importantly, the marriage is still legal!

2. It quit raining toward late afternoon and the sun came out. The rain served to cool off what could have been a hot August day. We had a beautiful evening and the time of our lives cruising to the reception in the rumble seat of the Model A.




3. The dress held secure with no mishaps until we didn't want it to anymore. Enough said.


4. We still laugh about the croutons. Chewy! Ew!

5. When I finally got down the aisle and saw how excited my man was to being marrying me, I didn't think too much about other people. He held my hands tight as I told him what was in my heart and it felt like we were on campus after one of our romantic walks, planted in front of the Jesus window, dreaming about our future together. I could hardly stand still as we recited our vows knowing our future as husband and wife was finally beginning.



Fast forward nearly 22 years and we're still together. Still. God is GOOD!


Are you a sucker for romance? Read more wedding stories at Chrysalis.