Who Really Knows Me?

As a kid I watched my sister, the witty, fun extrovert, charm her way into the hearts of many and wished I could be like her. People joked with her, enjoyed her, sought her out. While I sat in the corner. Taking it all in.

At some point, I realized by hiding myself I didn't give people a reason to care. Slowly I started opening up--to individuals, at Bible study, in small groups of friends, on this blog. It didn't take long to see the more vulnerable I made myself, the more people cared, the more they asked how I was doing or told me they were praying. Being willing to share a bit of what went on in my heart and head (especially the ugly stuff) cleared the way to a whole new world of relationships.

It's been exciting and freeing. People seem genuinely happy to see me. Sometimes they even seek me out. Kind words buoy me. I'm held up in prayer. Taking risks is worth it. I finally understand my own insecurities have held me back from experiencing meaningful relationships. Now I know to push through for the prize of friendship.

But there are times, no matter how personal I get with others, no matter how much I let people in, it becomes apparent I'm not known as well as I thought. An offhand comment leaves me wondering. I realize I haven't met someone's expectations. Criticism meant to sharpen me still smarts. Harsh words burrow deep. A joke hits too close to home.

I feel defeated and think, "Do they know me at all?"

When those thoughts creep in and doubt hovers, God whispers sweetly in my ear.

I know you. I delight in you. I love you.

And I'm so thankful, for a God who sees, who recognizes my human flaws and loves me in spite of them. I'm thankful He knows exactly where I've come from, what my motives are and where we're headed.

O Lord, you have searched me and you know me. You know when I sit and when I rise; you perceive my thoughts from afar. You discern my going out and my lying down; you are familiar with all my ways. Before a word is on my tongue you know it completely, O Lord. You hem me in--behind and before; you have laid your hand upon me.

Psalm 139:1-5

Being known by the living God brings strength and confidence to keep putting myself out there. It means I have no need to justify myself or live up to varying standards of people around me. There is no need to explain myself. In Him, I can be me.

And be treasured, flaws and all.

The Lord is my light and my salvation--whom shall I fear? The Lord is the stronghold of my life--of whom shall I be afraid?

Psalm 27:1

Walk on in confidence, my friends, knowing your God sees who you are. He created you for a specific reason. He knows you. He values you. You make Him smile.



Photo Credit: RejiK

7 Quick Takes (Volume 147)

1) I had a GREAT time at a Women of Faith conference last weekend. Our seats were awesome (You ROCK, Rachelle!) and the speakers walked right by us every time they entered and exited the stage. Their "porch" was just a few feet away. One of the highlights was getting autographs and a picture with Mandisa. She was a sweetheart.


2) Kevin sang with a men's quartet at an assisted living facility and much to my surprise, Drama Queen wanted to know what time they were singing.

Me: Why? You want to go?

Drama Queen: Hello?! It's quartet music.

Who is this person and what has she done with my daughter?!

Me: I'm not going. I've got too much to do. Besides, quartet music isn't my thing. Your grandparents are going if you want to go with them.

So she did! Later I got a text from her.

"Once again . . . your husband is a freaking stud. You're missin out."

Who knew Kevin would get such points for singing quartet music?!

3) One of the reasons dinner is never boring at our house:


4) It was a week of firsts. Miss Innocent One started school on Tuesday.


Ladies Man started school on Wednesday.


We took Drama Queen to college on Thursday.


5) And speaking of Drama Queen and college . . . oh boy, leaving that girl was hard. A few people have asked me if it was easier having done it before, but I can say from experience now--Are you freaking kidding me?! Still tough. Every child gone is a unique loss.

Before I left, I had to get my last "Mom" words in.

Me: I love you. It's going to be great. It's normal to feel homesick and sad, but it will be okay. This will be a really good thing for you.

Drama Queen: Are you saying this to me or to you?

Yep. Nailed me. I wasn't five minutes down the road when I got a text from her saying, "You're not crying and driving right? You shoulda taken a water bottle for the ride home to replenish your fluids."

Ha! She knows me. Love you babe!

6) Let's talk about something happier now, shall we? Miss Innocent One was quite excited to receive the latest issue of American Girl magazine.


She entered a contest to design tennis shoes and her design was chosen! Here's the page where it appears. Hers is smack dab in the middle, the one with cookies and milk.


Congratulations babe!

7) We're headed up to the University of Nebraska to watch Drummer Boy at the Cornhusker Band Exhibition. It's become a family tradition now and always a good time. Drummer Boy says his hair is grown out some already so we won't have to be afraid of him. If any of you are interested in a free, fun evening at Memorial Stadium, venture on up.

That's all for this Friday, folks. I gotta say I'm glad to be finishing this one. The week's taken a toll on me. I'm ready for a weekend! Hope you enjoy yours too. Look for more Quick Takes at Conversion Diary.

Today's the Day

The day has finally arrived. Today we move Drama Queen to college.

Sigh.

She's been a kick to have in our home, providing hours of entertainment her whole life. There's never a dull moment with this girl around. And though her exterior is tough, she is jello on the inside, a young woman with a heart for people and their problems, a person who is a faithful friend and dependable confidant.

We're going to miss her at home (You better come back, you hear?!), and although I'm sad today, I'm so very thankful to be forever connected to this girl, this completely unique and gifted woman. God is good, isn't He? Though my heart is heavy thinking of my little girl moving away, I know she will always be mine, always my daughter, always tied to me in a special way. Friends come and go, your MOTHER does not (Let's savor the moment, Drama Queen--no quips needed here).

Today I thank God for my precious daughter, for her fiery spirit and tender heart. I thank Him in advance for the wonderful things He has planned for her and the privilege I have to be privy to them. There were many days I wasn't sure I had it in me to mother this child, but true to who He is, God helped me. Now I stand back in awe of His work. She is something.

And to my dear, dear Drama Queen--you amaze me. You surprise me. Sometimes you frustrate the snot out of me, but you'll always have my heart. We are so proud of you and excited to see what God has in store for your future. Remember we are always in your corner, cheering you on, praying like crazy. You can always come home. We love you so much.


For more Thankful Thursday posts, visit Laurie at Women Taking a Stand.

The Power of Words

I went to get some alterations done on a dress yesterday and the seamstress couldn't have been more complimentary. She praised my marriage, my kids, my figure, even my lackluster, spider-veined legs. She laid it on so thick that when she leaned in and whispered, "You are beautiful," I got so flustered I had to leave.

But here's the thing. I walked out smiling. I liked it! She made me feel like a million bucks! In my head I doubted her kind words were warranted. Hello? I've been living with myself a long time. I've got my number. Yet, I wanted to believe everything she said was true.

I know this woman. I know her character. She was sincere. A bit over the top maybe, but genuine. It is just like her to encourage others this way. No doubt everyone who leaves her feels lighter, more confident, special. It's a gift she uses well.

She reminded me to utter out loud the things I think in my head. If a woman looks great in that shade of blue, I should tell her. If her laugh makes me smile, shouldn't it be made known? When I admire how her hair shines in the sun, I should say something. If I appreciate her soothing voice or gentle words, why don't I speak of it? She should know if I notice how white her teeth are or how healthy her tan makes her look. If standing in her presence brings me peace, she may like hearing about it. Some may scoff as I did, but I'm certain a fuzzy glow will go with them.

I walked by a total stranger Saturday who was all dressed up, I guessed, for a wedding, maybe even the mother of the bride or groom. Her dress sparkled and she looked so classy waiting for her ride I couldn't help but say something. And you should have seen her face.

"Thank you," she said, "that's nice of you."

I hope she walked into her wedding a little taller, confident in who she was because in my eyes she was beautiful. And if I thought it, what was God thinking?

Yesterday, when I didn't know what to do with all the nice things the seamstress said, she told me to accept that God, as the Creator of beauty, is delighted to see me celebrate it. I'm not sure I'm evolved enough to accept that, but I sure hoped the stranger I complimented did.

For when we accept the encouragement of others, it enables us to confidently do what God asks of us.

So thank you my silver-tongued, encouraging, seamstress friend. You give me courage and fortitude to forge ahead confidently in my walk with God and others. You remind me how powerful words can be.

Let's do this together, friends. It's easy to find something you appreciate in another. Don't keep it to yourself. Say it out loud and lift another up. I challenge you to look for one positive thing to say to everyone you encounter today. See how it softens their day.

But encourage one another daily, as long as it is called Today, so that none of you may be hardened by sin's deceitfulness.

Hebrews 3:13

To Choose Wisely

I know myself.

I know if I don't exercise right away in the morning, I won't get it done. If the clock reaches 9:AM and I haven't hit the streets or the gym, it ain't happening, people.

But I also like to start out my day gradually, sitting quietly with a cup of tea in my office, checking emails, Facebook, reading blogs. And I know I need some quiet time with God in prayer, reading His Word, soaking in what it has to say, taking the time to put thoughts to paper to cement what I'm learning.

To accomplish all this by 9:AM requires me to either get up pretty early, which I often do, give something up, or be extremely disciplined, which I'm not. Every day, every single day is a challenge, a battle. A cloudy morning makes my bed more appealing. I oversleep and feel bloaty so I choose the Y instead of my quiet office and Bible. I check Facebook first and get lost in cyberspace. A online bunny trail steals my time.

"I must make a conscious, deliberate, daily choice to sit at His feet, to listen to His Word, to receive His love, to let Him change me, and to pour out my heart’s devotion to Him. When I get into His presence, the whole world looks different.”

A Place of Quiet Rest by Nancy Leigh DeMoss

How can I choose wisely? How can I force myself to make that deliberate decision to do what I know to be best? I remember the prize--the perspective shift I gain in His presence, the peace and direction which only come from Him. I mean, c'mon, which would you rather do, run three miles or find calming guidance for your day? No contest.

Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one gets the prize? Run in such a way as to get the prize.

1 Corinthians 9:24

To choose wisely, I think of the prize, not the discipline.

Join our host Debbie at Heart Choices for more thoughts on this quote.

A Way to Overlook

I'm not sure when it happened, when I stopped thinking the best of her. I suppose it was about the time I assumed too much of her reaction. At some point I felt judged and found lacking and instead of mentioning it right away, I stuffed it. But then resentment built and my speculations (which may or may not have been true) grew, making me certain she thought ill of me.

We hurt each other. We disappointed and let down and got defensive. We pulled away.

Walls went up.

Grace fell.

And it's bothered me. A lot. I've always thought myself good at relationships. They've been easy for me. I've never had a tough time making or keeping friends, or I didn't use to. Why have my adult years muddied the waters of relationships?

God answered my prayers in an unusual way. When someone asked me about an entirely different subject and person, I heard myself say, "I know where she's come from and how hard it's been on her. I guess I love her so much I can't think bad of her."

A bell went off in my head taking me to my troubled relationship. That's what I've been missing.

I haven't loved her enough.

I haven't loved her enough to overlook the words that hurt, the things I assume she's thinking (which she may not be). I've forgotten what she's been through and how far she's come and the burdens she plows through every day in obedience to God who keeps telling her to go in.

I love her so much I can't think bad of her.

Why haven't I applied it to her?

Friendships can be complicated. The older I get, the more defeated I feel about being a good friend. Experience has taught me I can't meet the expectations of everybody. Demands on my time cause me to shrink away. I unintentionally disappoint. My own hurt feelings cloud correct thinking.

Walls go up.

Grace falls.

But does it have to be this way? Can't we do something?

We must love so much we can't think bad. Love looks past today. Love considers another's history, remembering that where a person comes from shapes the way they interact now. Love looks for soft spots and tries to be sensitive. Love acknowledges their work to overcome.

Love covers over a multitude of sins.

I love her so much I can't think bad of her.

Lord, make this true in all my relationships. Give me Your eyes to see into the past. Give me a greater, stronger, deeper heart. Help me love this much.



Photo Credit: :: Hello Mizu ::

7 Quick Takes (Volume 146)

1) My sister gave me some peppers and cucumbers out of her garden (and I don't think she read about my produce woes ). There were two kinds of peppers. One I recognized as jalapenos and know from experience to handle with care. The other was a long green stringy looking pepper I'd never seen before.


I was not intimidated. I love hot spicy. If it doesn't make your nose run it isn't spicy in my book. I was excited to stir-fry it with some onions and shrimp to wrap in a tortilla for dinner. I knew my family would not be as adventurous, so I only made enough for me. I used only a portion of one jalapeno. I know how fresh ones pack a punch and then cut up about half of another pepper. It didn't smell hot, so I kept throwing a little more in. I threw it all in a pan with some onions and olive oil and it smelled divine. I got excited about my new adventure for dinner and while stirring the taco meat I made for everyone else, I threw the shrimp into the pan of peppers.

The minute the shrimp hit the pan, some strange sort of fume rose, choking me up. My eyes watered, my nose got drippy and I started coughing. And coughing and coughing. Once I stirred the concoction up it got better, but when Kevin came in the kitchen, he started coughing. And one by one, as each family member entered the kitchen, they immediately broke into coughing fits.

"Watch out," Ladies Man squeaked out, "the kitchen is toxic."

We got a good laugh out of it--enter the kitchen, cough, exit the kitchen, stop, enter the kitchen, cough, exit the kitchen, stop--and the kids were shocked I actually planned on eating it. It was delicious and not that hot really, but baby, did it send out some fumes. I haven't tried using the peppers since, but I'm not done with them. Any ideas on how to use them without gassing out my family?

2) We've had more laughs this week about Ladies Man's size. Get a load of these two pics. The first picture is my four-year-old nephew playing Superman with Ladies Man whose feet as are big as his entire torso. See Ladies Man's toe sticking out by his shoulder?


The next picture comes from band camp. This one makes me smile. Isn't it funny?


3) How about a lesson in teenage vernacular? Here are a few new words Drama Queen and Ladies Man taught me this summer.

janked--messed up as in "That kid is janked." Not sure why we need another phrase for messed up, but whatever.

chi-mo--child molester, as in "Geez, Dad, that look on your face made you look like a chi-mo." Yeah, not crazy about that one myself.

Oh, and I also learned a new search engine thing you can do on your cell phone. You can text any question to ChaCha (242242) and it will give you an answer like Google. When I texted the question, "What is ChaCha?" I got this answer.

"ChaCha is a service where human guides answer your questions. Just call or text for free. ChaCha is ad-supported. Got another Q? *Win $50K! Txt SOLOW2 to 23687."

and

"We send 2 OR more texts back 2 ur questions, including ads. We never send u spam AND we don't SHARE ur personal info. Ads always START WITH an *."

Not crazy about putting my cell phone number in some "human guides" hands, but I see how it could be useful in certain situations. I tried using it on our way to Lincoln the other night to find a restaurant, but it couldn't locate it for me. And for the fun of it, we asked a question about married couples and it came back with survey information that sort of answered the question. When we couldn't tell Drama Queen exactly what we asked (I mean, she really didn't want to know, if you get my drift), she got annoyed.

Drama Queen: I should have never told you about that.

Apparently now I am janked.

4) We have this hot water dispenser in our kitchen that automatically dispenses hot water at the push of the handle--we're talking almost boiling, the perfect temperature for tea (yay!). Last week the handle broke and wouldn't shut off. The water ran until it got cold. The only way to get it to stop was to actually turn off the cold water under the sink (I know. It makes no sense.). So now we have this strange phenomenon with our faucets in the kitchen. When you turn the main faucet on cold you get nothing.


When you turn the main faucet to hot you get water than eventually turns hot.


But when you put the main faucet handle in the middle, you get water out of both spouts!


It's the best of all worlds without racking up a huge plumbing bill. I may live with this hillbilly situation for a while.

5) Do you think I should be worried about Ladies Man becoming a food hoarder?


He's got that bag clipped to his pocket!

6) Miss Innocent One has been filling her time doing craft projects. She's made some cool things, but always leaves remnants of her work on the living room carpet. So the other day I asked her to vacuum our enormous living room, a task each of the kids groans upon being assigned. Much to my surprise, she didn't complain, but got out the vacuum and got to it. A few minutes later she was back in the kitchen putting it away.

Me: Uh, did you do a good job?

Miss Innocent One: Yeah. I got all the paper.

Me: You were supposed to do the whole room, not just get the slivers of paper you left behind.

Miss Innocent One: Ugh. But why? It looks clean.

Me: But is it?

She stopped for a moment and gave me puppy eyes. I strategically returned with raised eyebrows. We locked stares until she couldn't take it anymore.

Miss Innocent One (dragging the vacuum behind her into the living room): Fine. Be a mother.

One battle down, 5,298,331 to go!

7) Look what Drummer Boy did to commemorate another year of band camp.


He shaved off ALL HIS HAIR! Wow. You can imagine what Drama Queen had to say about that (think of the new phrases you've been taught)!

And with that we better call it quits before it gets really ugly. Find more Quick Takes at Conversion Diary. Have a great weekend, friends!