Beating Ourselves Up

One friend speaks often about how fat she is, and she's not. Another tells me she doesn't feel worthy and it isn't true. Then there's the friend who worries about having too many chins in photographs and I have no idea what that's about. Or the girl concerned about losing more weight before a big event because she's afraid of her pooch showing.

I want to slap them. I want to take shake them. I want to face them to the mirror and shout, "What is the matter with you?! Would you look at yourself?!" Do you see how wonderful you are?

Only when I look in the mirror . . .

Uh huh. I do the same thing.

What is the matter with us? Where does all this self-berating get us? What good does it do?

Why are we able to see the good in others but not ourselves?

It's a sneaky trick. If Satan can keep us preoccupied with our weaknesses, we aren't as likely to put ourselves out there, to shine our light, to shine God's light. If we're consumed with all we aren't, we tend to hide ourselves, and how does that benefit His kingdom?

It's time to rein in those yucky, destructive thoughts about ourselves, friends. It's time to apply truth.

We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.

2 Corinthians 10:5

And that includes thoughts about ourselves. I know it's not easy to ignore imperfections, but why can't we accept things about ourselves without judgment? I'm bottom heavy. Always have been. I can lose weight, but still I carry it there. It's just how I'm made. Why have I spent so many years feeling inadequate because of it? I have big feet too, but it doesn't bother me. Why can't I look at other problems the same way? I have big feet. I'm bottom heavy. My mouth drops open when I sleep. My hair gets bushy in humidity. I'm small chested. Aren't these things part of a unique me? Weren't they placed there with some good stuff too?

Why don't we accept the good with the bad? Yes, I'm bottom heavy, but does that alter my good listening skills? It's true my hair gets kinky and bushy in the humidity, but it doesn't affect my ability to be a good friend. I wish I was more endowed in the chest department, but does that matter when I sit at my computer cranking out words to build others up?

We can't be perfect. God gives us deficiencies to keep us humble, not hold us down. Chances are nobody else is noticing your flaws because they're too focused on their own. Why don't we give ourselves the same courtesy we give others? How about believing the best about ourselves? Why don't we look for our strengths instead of dwelling on our negatives?

Can you imagine what would happen if we would? If we started taking our bad thoughts about ourselves captive, would we be happier? Would we be more effective? Would we enjoy life more?

I challenge you to try it.



Photo Credit: creedbean

Looking Beyond This Earthly Suit

I look in the mirror and instead of admiring the good qualities God has given me, my eyes gravitate to the "ew" zones, the glaring flaws I'm sure all are noticing and commenting about behind my back, the places I wish I could take a do over.

Every woman I know does it. Both of my beautiful daughters, only seventeen and twelve are familiar with the angst. Sigh. What is the matter with us?

“It’s important we don’t get so caught up in our earthly suit that we miss our eternal heritage.”

Wayne Corderio

Are we stuck in our earthly suits? Have we gotten bogged down in the temporary instead of focused on the eternal? How do we shock ourselves back into princess mode, acting as daughters of the Most High God?

We focus on what is true. My thighs may pack more cellulite than mashed potatoes do lumps, but my legs are strong and better than they used to be. My face carries more wrinkles, but they reveal a life of laughter. I may have bony, old lady hands, but they've been used well, bringing loved ones close, helping me complete tasks both here and for eternity.

What is true?

The King is enthralled with your beauty.

You are fearfully and wonderfully made.

No eye has seen, no ear has heard, no mind has conceived what God has prepared for those who love Him.

This is not all there is.

The best is yet to come.

What lies beyond this earthly suit? Something way better than the reflection in our mirrors. It's time we lived like we believed it.

So hold your head up high, friend. You are a cherished child of the King. You ain't seen nothing yet.

Join our host Karen at In Love W.I.T.H. Jesus for more ideas about this quote.

There is No Condemnation

“When we are going through desperate, difficult times, the hardest thing can be hearing the voices of condemnation, rejection, and shame from others. The Enemy – the accuser of our brothers – loves to use people to kick us in the stomach when we’re down. The Enemy loves to use our sin to condemn us rather than allow us to hear the conviction of the Holy Spirit . . . Jesus silences the condemning voices and commands them to leave. Listen to the kindness in His voice as He says in John 8:10-11:
Jesus straightened up and asked her, 'Woman, where are they? Has no one condemned you?'
'No one, sir,' she said.
'Then neither do I condemn you,' Jesus declared. 'Go now and leave your life of sin.'”

By Beth Redman
God Knows My Name: Never Forgotten, Forever Loved

Chances are you've been hurt by a fellow Christian.

I have.

It's likely you've offended a brother yourself.

Yep, raising my hand on that one too. Guilty. So very guilty. Ugh.

How does that happen?! How do we wreak havoc on each other so easily? How can people committed to the same God, immersed in the same Bible, see things so differently? Aren't we supposed to be united by our love? How do we hurt each other? How do we become tools of evil instead of beacons of light?

An Enemy prowls around us. He points out our faults, our poor judgment, our weaknesses. How do we fight?

We remember truth.

For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.
Ephesians 6:12
You, dear children, are from God and have overcome them, because the one who is in you is greater than the one who is in the world.
1 John 4:4
Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus,
Romans 8:1
. . . I have loved you with an everlasting love; I have drawn you with lovingkindness. I will build you up again . . .
Jeremiah 31:3-4
Jesus is in your corner friends. Go and leave your life of sin. Greater is He that is in you than He that is in the world.

Join this week's host, Loni, at Writing Canvas for more thoughts on this quote.

Duplicity

duplicitous: marked by duplicity : deceptive in words or action

duplicity: 1 : contradictory doubleness of thought, speech, or action; especially : the belying of one's true intentions by deceptive words or action 2 : the quality or state of being double or twofold

Duplicity according to Tami: Saying one thing and doing another.

I'm guilty. Some might say I'm duplicitous on this blog, only sharing positive stories of my family, creating a rosy picture for all to admire when there's plenty of ugly that goes on in my house too. I wax poetic about God's blessings in my life, then complain to my husband. One of my kids says something out of line to their sibling and instead of dealing with it as I should, I make a quick parental sounding remark and turn away in weariness. I tell God I'm His girl, then get frustrated following His plan. I say I want to point people to Him, yet try to gain recognition for myself.

When I want to do good, evil is right there with me.

"No one man, for any considerable period, can wear one face to himself, and another to the multitude, without finally getting bewildered as to which may be the true."

Nathaniel Hawthorne

I confuse myself. I don't set out to be deceptive. I don't mean to slide into duplicitous behavior. Why do I cultivate bad habits and let my attitudes slide in the privacy of my own home? How will I put the old self behind if I hang onto it? How will I ever win this battle between flesh and Spirit?

What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body of death?

No wonder I spin my wheels. I try to live for Him while I'm living for me. I am duplicity personified. I leave a bad taste in my own mouth. How can I escape myself? How can I be what I should be for Him, what He deserves? How can I be a true servant? How can I learn to be selfless?

Thanks be to God—through Jesus Christ our Lord!

Only HE can make me single-minded. Only HE can purify my dirty heart. Only HE can make me pure and righteous. Only HE can clean up my duplicitous ways.

Make it so Lord. Make me into YOUR image of me, not mine.

Create in me a pure heart, O God . . .

Psalm 51:10

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Photo Credit: The Doctr

Soothing Sounds

A sleeping house.
Thunder mumbling in the distance.
The words "I love you."
A gurgling stream.
A fan softly whooshing.
Rain cascading to earth.
Blessed quiet. (Is silence a sound?)
The Truth.

So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

Isaiah 41:10

May you soothe your soul with some Truth today.



Photo Credit: A Brief Moment in Time

The Benefit of Watching Court TV

My family has this bad habit of watching court television shows while eating lunch. Before you think ill of me and call me an immoral pagan, let me tell you it opens up some great discussions with our kids about how NOT to conduct relationships.

Eighty percent of the property disputes deal with couples who were living together and split. Nearly every day I can get in a word about the dangers of cohabitation.

Me: Yep. There it is again. Do you see how many of these people's problems come from living with someone? Do you see how it doesn't work? Even Judge Judy says if they want to play house they should get married.

It's so easy to point out the errors in judgment and faulty thinking. The other day on Divorce Court, a woman went off about how her husband was the biggest baby in the world, the ultimate mama's boy. As she spoke I watched the demeanor of her husband and pointed it out to my daughters.

Me: You see? You see the way he's reacting to what she's saying. Look at him. He's getting angry. He can hardly stand there. Look at his shoulders starting to droop. See how she's making him feel like a little boy? No man wants to feel like a little boy. Men need respect. Are you hearing me, girls? Men need respect.

Every week someone's sad tale illustrates how sex before marriage can have life long consequences.

Me: Having a baby with that guy totally screwed up her life. She's tied to him forever and all for a temporary thrill. See what can happen? See?!

Judge Judy is a particular favorite of ours. She has taught us lessons like:

Don't lend money to family or friends to gain their love and appreciation. It's best not to expect them to pay you back.

Don't bail the bum out of jail and don't believe him when he says he'll pay you back as soon as he gets his tax return money.

No matter how sweet and trustworthy your new boyfriend seems, never hand over your credit card.

If it doesn't make sense, it's not true.

I could go on and on, but I'll spare you and explain our court TV addiction very simply.

Nothing showcases Truth, and the destruction which results from not following it, like real life. Court TV is a quick study in what NOT to do.

Speaking the Truth

I hear the weariness, the resignation in her voice. I see the sparkle missing in her eyes. She's worn down, tired, asking God for relief He doesn't seem to give. She tells me the latest and I listen intently, trying to understand, looking for a different approach only an outsider could see, yet it's complicated and I feel inept and helpless. I've got no solutions, no way to fix her situation. I've prayed with her and for her and see little change. God is working, I have no doubt, but. . .

What's a friend to do when there's nothing to do? What's left when you've listened and prayed and have no advice, when all you can do is wait on God? How can you be a good friend when words sound trite and completely inadequate?

As the rain and the snow come down from heaven, and do not return to it without watering the earth and making it bud and flourish, so that it yields seed for the sower and bread for the eater, so is my word that goes out from my mouth: It will not return to me empty, but will accomplish what I desire and achieve the purpose for which I sent it.

Isaiah 55:10-11

Speak the Truth. Remind her what is true. She may already know it, but bringing it before her again helps her focus. It buoys her whether she recognizes it or not. Uttering the Word of God is the kindest thing I can do, for it is the only thing promised to yield her ultimate good even if she doesn't accept it or like it or fails to see immediate relief or inspiration. His Word will not return empty. It will accomplish what He desires. It will achieve His purposes.

A friend offers the Word of God.

I know this is not easy and often feels awkward. What if it's a hard word she doesn't want to hear? Do I pour salt in her wound? What if she thinks I'm off my rocker or finds me "too spiritual?" What if she rolls her eyes at my offering and tells me I don't understand?

But what if my holding back deprives her of God's message? If I truly love her and want what's best for her, I will give her the best salve I have.

Be a real friend.

Speak the Truth.

Offer the Word of God.



Photo Credit: Donnaphoto

Feelings and Faith

“How we respond to difficulties will determine whether we are a winner or a whiner. One of Satan’s first temptations when our life appears to be on hold like Joseph is to tempt us to live by feelings instead of faith.”

by ~ Michael Yousse

My feelings say I don't matter.

Faith says, "You are fearfully and wonderfully made." (Psalm 139:14)

My feelings say God doesn't care.

Faith says, "I have loved you with an everlasting love; I have drawn you with lovingkindness." (Jeremiah 31:3)

My feelings say I can't do it.

Faith says, "With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible," (Matthew 19:26) and "I can do everything through him who gives me strength." (Philippians 4:13)

My feelings say I don't measure up.

Faith says, "The Lord does not look at the things man looks at. Man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart." (1 Samuel 16:7)

My feelings say I'm nothing special. God doesn't need me.

Faith says, "I took you from the ends of the earth, from its farthest corners I called you. I said, 'You are my servant'; I have chosen you and not rejected you." (Isaiah 41:9)

My feelings say this doesn't make sense.

Faith says, "But God chose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise; God chose the weak things of the world to shame the strong." (1 Corinthians 1:27)

My feelings say God's forgotten about me.

Faith says, "Because of the Lord's great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness." (Lamentations 3:22-23)

Satan works hard to devour us, to make us ineffective, to rob us of the joy and privilege in being who God's created us to be. We must resist him, friends. We must have faith.

We must believe the Truth.

But my righteous one will live by faith. And if he shrinks back, I will not be pleased with him. But we are not of those who shrink back and are destroyed, but of those who believe and are saved.

Hebrews 10:38-39

Join Karen at In Love W.I.T.H. Jesus for more ideas on this quote.

A Balm of Truth

I've had a rough week feeling lousy about myself.

I know I'm not the only one to struggle with this. On the days you feel less than you want to be, I see it in your eyes. The sparkle is gone. You cross your arms. You speak less. You take more notice of women around you. Your lips do not open when you smile. You hide a little bit.

And you wish you were more.

In the moment we determine ourselves lacking, what does God think? What does He see? If He chose to audibly speak to us, what would He say?

I have loved you with an everlasting love; I have drawn you with loving-kindness. I will build you up again. . .

Come to Me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.

The Lord your God is with you, He is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, He will quiet you with His love, He will rejoice over you with singing.*

We don't have to understand.

We are only to believe it.



*God's Truth from Jeremiah 31:3-4, Matthew 11:28, Zephaniah 3:17

Falling for Jesus

I put the poster in an inconspicuous place in my room, a spot easy to miss if anyone visited, saving me any explanations. It seemed a little childish, this sheet I made myself with plain white paper and markers, but I couldn't bring myself to get rid of it. I worked hard on it as an assignment for VBS, even though I resented I had to attend as a seventh grader. There was no picture, only a Bible verse I drew out of a hat. It said,

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him and he will make your paths straight.
Proverbs 3:5-6 (NIV)

But the placement of it in a little corner opposite my bed, made it the last thing I saw when I laid down to sleep and the first thing I read when I arose each morning. When a bad day hit and I questioned my place in life, there it was.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him and he will make your paths straight.
Proverbs 3:5-6 (NIV)

When I wished I was as funny and thin as my sister, it told me:

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him and he will make your paths straight.
Proverbs 3:5-6 (NIV)

And when I sat through confirmation classes, hearing things I'd never heard before, things too good to be true, that silly poster urged me to believe it. My pastor said, "God has a special plan for your life." He said, "You were created uniquely" and "God knows everything about you. Nothing in your life is a mistake. He has a specific purpose just for you." Though everything in me wanted it, how could God be intimately involved in the lives of so many people? How could I be special? How could my weaknesses be there for a reason?

But there it was, every day, in black and white (or actually purple and white) on the wall of my bedroom, the same answer to every question.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him and he will make your paths straight.
Proverbs 3:5-6 (NIV)

One day I sat on my bed pondering it all. Pastor said we could claim these promises as our very own if we asked Jesus to be a part of our lives. How could it be that easy? I stared at that poster until my vision became blurry and something in me stirred.

Believe it.

I closed my eyes, bowed my head and prayed, "Jesus, I don't understand all this. I don't know if this is real, but if it is, please come into my life. Please make me special and unique. Give me purpose. Make me more than what I am."

I didn't feel any different when I finished. No angels sang. No confetti fell from the ceiling. I didn't tell a single person.

Yet I was changed forever.

And I realized if this one verse held such power, I should be reading the rest of my Bible. The words were a balm to my young heart, confirming the things my pastor said. Some thirty years later, I can easily see the impact of God's Word on my life. I do have purpose. I do feel unique and sometimes even special.

Yet some things haven't changed. I still don't understand a lot. Sometimes it seems too good to be true. I always have tons of questions for God.

And He consistently gives me the same answer.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him and he will make your paths straight.
Proverbs 3:5-6 (NIV)

Believe it.

An Unexpected Epiphany

I only come to tell my dad Happy Birthday.

But as I stare at his grave, old thoughts rush.

Oh, Dad, you've missed so much--a grandson you never knew who bears your name, grandchildren growing up, developing distinct personalities, learning to drive, going to college...confirmations, graduations, baptisms...and we've missed you, your presence, your humor, your laugh. If only you could see who they are becoming. You'd be proud. You'd watch and you'd chuckle.

Do you see them?

The familiar doubt creeps in.

Oh, Lord, I pray he's in heaven with You.

Why do I vacillate on this?

My mind searches for a marker to link my father's salvation to and recalls a vivid picture. Dad reclines in a chair, chemotherapy drugs dripping into his veins. He is reading some papers I gave him about how to know if you're going to heaven. We discussed it the week before and I knew he didn't get the assurance he was needing (nor did I). As he shuffles to the next page, he peers over his glasses and says, "I think I asked the right person this question." I knew the words that filled the pages, things like "if you confess with your mouth, 'Jesus is Lord,' and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved" (Romans 10:9) and "Yet to all who received him, to those who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God (John 1:12) and "Believe in the Lord Jesus Christ and you will be saved" (Acts 16:31). He finishes reading and as we talk some more I see a peace come over him I have never seen before.

So why do I still wonder?

I stare at the grave and say it again.

Lord, I pray he's in heaven with You.

I close my eyes, breathe deeply and wait for an answer.

The sunshine warms my face. A gentle breeze blows. The aroma of autumn fills the air.

And I wait.

Then a thought pops into my head. It's okay.

But, Lord, is that me or is it You? How do I make sure I'm not telling myself what I want to hear?

Trust Me.

THAT again?! Why is that always the answer?

Trust My Word.

If you can't trust My Word, what else do you have? How can anything you believe be true?

Of course. You're right, Lord. I have to accept it. Your Word is my only foundation. He did believe in Your name. He did confess You as Lord and believe in his heart You were raised from the dead. He did believe in You, Lord Jesus Christ.

Which means...

I open my eyes, bend down and run my fingers over his nameplate.

Happy Birthday, Dad. Give Jesus a hug from me.




Photo Credit: Celine

Reflecting Truth

She looks in the mirror and sighs. With every exhaled breath her shoulders sag a little more. Her faults are glaring.

The eye is the lamp of the body. If your eyes are good, your whole body will be full of light. But if your eyes are bad, your whole body will be full of darkness.
Matthew 6:22-23

Is she seeing it wrong? Are her eyes bad? Are they preventing her from being who God has created her to be? If all she sees when she looks in the mirror is darkness, is that what comes out? Does wallowing in her weakness snuff out the only light that can make her truly beautiful?

This is the message we have heard from him and declare to you: God is light; in him there is no darkness at all. If we claim to have fellowship with him yet walk in the darkness, we lie and do not live by the truth.
1 John 1:5-6

No more walking in the dark. No more.

How can she turn the light on?

She must look for truth. What is TRUE?

The broad hips she hates served her well when bringing new life into the world. The creases in her face and eyes give her character. Each scar and gray hair was earned and represent experience which brings wisdom. Her thick thighs and big feet make her sturdy. Some might think her skinny neck stately and elegant.

But those things don't touch the surface of who she is. There is more to her than what she sees in the mirror, much more. There is compassion behind her eyes. A sincere love for others beats in her chest. She possesses desire and passion for her God. Her mind discerns the truth. This must be her focus.

The woman in the mirror is not the shell appearing in the glass. The woman is God's dearly loved creation, crafted exactly as He planned. If she focuses on the good, on truth, on her value in His eyes, will her body be full of light? Will she then reflect REAL beauty? Is that what it takes to impact her world?



Thank You, Lord, for Truth.

And one more thing: If beauty is in the eye of the beholder, what are you beholding and how is it holding you back?

Press on in truth, my friends.


For more Thankful Thursday posts, visit Sting My Heart.

The Moment of Truth

I caught a new television show last night I've not seen before called The Moment of Truth. The gist of the show is that contestants answer very personal questions, in front of their spouses and families for a chance to win half a million dollars. They can only advance if their answers are completely truthful as determined by a polygraph.

Apparently last night's show was more dramatic than usual, as the host actually gave a disclaimer about half way through saying this was his most uncomfortable moment in his entire career and if it had been up to him it would never have aired. The woman playing revealed before her husband, her parents and her siblings that she knew secrets about her father that she kept from her mother, she was in love with another man on her wedding day, she thought she should be married to an old boyfriend and she had slept with someone other than her husband since their wedding two years ago. The host kept saying things like, "Are you sure you want to continue? I don't think you know how tough these questions are going to get." She insisted on going on and I got the feeling it was because she wanted to get all of it off her chest. It was her way of telling her husband everything she couldn't alone.

You have to give the woman credit for doing whatever it took to confess.

The ironic thing is the question that tripped her up was, "Do you think you're a good person?" She answered yes, but the polygraph said it was a false answer which meant she went home without a cent.

I have to admit I'd like to get my husband in that chair for a few questions. No, I don't think he's harboring any deep, dark secrets from me, but I often wonder if there are things he doesn't tell me in order to spare my feelings. How do you know if he's just being nice?

And then I have to ask myself, do I really want to know? Is it better to have my feelings protected or is it better to know the truth?

What do you think?