Giving Your Heart Away

I've had lots of good friends over the years.

And I've LOST lots of good friends over the years.

People I love are taken away for jobs or love or personal pursuits. Circumstances change. Misunderstandings and hurt feelings alter relationships. People come and go into our lives and personally, it's always rough on my heart.

In today's transient world, giving our hearts to others feels like too much to ask, so many of us don't. It's tempting to protect ourselves by guarding our emotions and not letting many people in. We're merely defending our sensitive hearts. If we're vulnerable, we're bound to get hurt. It's likely, of course and probably prudent to distance ourselves to prevent it, except for one thing.

We NEED other people. Something within us craves to be known. We desire others to come to us, to wonder what we think, to be interested in our lives. When we guard our hearts, protecting our real thoughts and feelings, saying what we should instead of what we really think, we don't give any indication of who we are or what is unique about us. We don't encourage inquiry.

And we suffer for it. We're left feeling very alone. We may be protecting ourselves from future hurt, but mostly we're depriving ourselves of present joy.

My life is richer because I've risked the pain, because I've let people in, shared personally and allowed myself to care. Yes, it has and will cause heartache, but I think it's worth it. As Tennyson said, "Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all."

Do you have trouble giving your heart away?



Photo Credit: bored-now

A Tricky Temptation

“We deny Jesus every time we disregard His truth and put ourselves down. That hurts us. We deny Him every time we fail to see our value in Him. That hurts us. We deny Him every time we continue to hang on to our self-condemning thoughts and lies. That hurts us too. And then, it’s as if Jesus turns and looks straight at us with His eyes of love and compassion, and something dawns on us. We have, in a sense, denied our Lord Jesus, and I wonder if that hurts Him.”

by Marilyn Hontz
Shame Lifter

Ow. Ow. Ow.

I'm guilty, VERY guilty, I-have-no-business-writing-this-post guilty.

But I know I'm not alone. Show me any woman and I'll show you someone who struggles with self-image. The problem is not in understanding we are uniquely made in God's image, but in believing it.

My head knows I am "fearfully and wonderfully made," but my mirror reveals dark circles under my wrinkled eyes. My thighs still dimple after countless hours on elliptical machines, exercise bikes, crosstrainers, miles around the track and hundreds of pounds lifted faithfully. My spirit cringes every time I say something stupid. I am smack dab in the middle of my failures every stinkin' moment. I know who I am.

I'm not trying to deny Jesus or tell Him He did a bad job on me.

Or am I?

Oh boy, we've got to stop, ladies. Our self-centered attitudes are hampering His work. What's a woman who loves her God and desperately wants to please Him to do? It's as easy as ABC.

Allow and delight in the gifts of others.
As much as I would like to, I will never be a professional dancer, but I can take pleasure in watching the grace in others. Instead of envying her beautiful skin, I should enjoy the view. Her insightful comments should bring a smile to my face.

Believe the Truth.
I AM fearfully and wonderfully made. He has given me special skills and talents. HE enables me. He is the reason I can do or be anything. I am everything in Him.

Change my focus.
Where am I looking? Am I concentrating on myself or a perfect God who lives in me?

Deny the lies.
Do dark circles and wrinkles, dimpled thighs or mistakes make me unusable or unworthy? Perhaps He shines brighter because of my weaknesses. His glory is clearly seen through our inadequacies.

Eliminate wandering eyes.
God's wasn't looking around when He made me. It isn't fair to myself or others when I try to compare results of His work.

I know this is tough, friends. Believe me, I know (you IRL friends are fully aware of my struggles)! But if we don't work on it, how are we failing God?

Lord, we are guilty. I am guilty. Forgive us. Show us clearly who we are in You. Enable our hearts and minds to believe it. Give us the proper perspective. And use us as You see fit. May we be faithful.


Join our host, Loni, at Writing Canvas for more In "Other" Words.

What if we Believe Them?

I tell her she's beautiful and she laughs with a "Yeah, right."

After I express my respect and admiration, she quietly responds, "That's kind of you to say."

When I greet her with a "How's this classy lady today?" she giggles nervously and shakes her head.

I point out her good qualities and hear, "I don't know why you say that."

Before any of you start waving madly and shouting at me, I know, I know. I'm guilty too.

When compliments come my way, I want to believe them, I really do, but often shrug them off, thinking others are only being nice. Or I think them blissfully ignorant to the real me. If only they knew, they'd change their tune.

But what if I believed it?

Is there any danger in accepting a compliment at face value? How would our lives be different if we truly believed the nice things people say about us?

Would we stand taller, live better, relish more? Would we be happier? Worry less? Would our interactions with others be more meaningful? Would we represent our Creator better? Would we be more effective?

Why the struggle? What is Satan trying to squelch?

The king is enthralled by your beauty; honor him, for he is your lord.

Psalm 45:11

Believe it.

And see how your light can shine.

7 Quick Takes (Volume 51)

1) "I think I finally found my funk to studying," Ladies Man announced.

To him "funk" was a good thing. He found his groove. It only took 8 years, but at least he got there. The answer? Making his own flash cards with index cards to review terms.

Now, since he's found his funk, can I get out of mine?

2) It's time for the Facebook war report. As of this moment, I am in the lead by 10 friends. TEN! Yee Haw! I was feeling content, thinking I was pulling away from him, knowing just a little more would make him concede, and then Drama Queen had to pipe up.

"I'm WAY ahead of you both," she said, with a little patronizing grin.

"Oooh, well whoop de do," I bristled, "Now that I'm beating him, maybe I should come after you next."

"There's NO WAY you'll get ahead of me," she said.

You know what has to happen now, right?

This is for all you mothers out there dying to put a smug little girl in her place. Game ON!

3) I heard on K-Love that the No. 1 baby boy name in London is now Mohammed, providing evidence of the rise in the Muslim population. The name was two times as popular as the No. 2 name, Daniel. I'm not sure what, if any, other conclusions should be drawn from this or what it means, but it certainly is interesting. It got a "hmm" out of me.

4) I enjoyed a wonderful, LONG phone conversation with my college roommate this week. She called because she'd been going through old stuff and found a letter I'd written her in 1998 when I was pregnant with my youngest child. She said it reminded her of things I'd been talking about on this blog lately.

As she read a portion of the letter where I described my anxiety about having enough money to raise four children and how it meant I needed to rely even more on God's faithfulness and provision, I got a little choked up. Eleven years later I have seen His hand clearly on our family. He HAS provided. He has done what I couldn't see possible and I STILL worry about how we'll get them through college and into their adult years. Have I learned nothing?!

Oh Lord, I need Your forgiveness for my lack of faith. You have always been the Master of the Impossible for us. Why do I worry about anything?

5) Drummer Boy is FINALLY coming home for a weekend. He hasn't been here since he moved to college over a month ago. While I've been stressing and moping and sad, he's been in plenty of transition himself. Take a peek at it on his blog, The Drummer Diaries. God is at work in him. I'm so proud of his attitude and so thankful, so very, very thankful (Like I said, why do I worry about anything?!).

6) Ten minutes after I dropped Miss Innocent One off with detailed instructions on what would be taking place in her little world, she called my cell phone.

"Mom, I was trying to remember what you said, but I thought I better make sure."

I went through the litany again.

"Sorry, I got to thinking, now what and I couldn't remember . . ."

And she was off, telling me every tiny thing that went through her head, leaving me to wonder if she recalled yet what I actually told her instead of what her thought process was.

"Do you got it now?" I asked.

"Okay, yeah, well I just couldn't remember, so I thought I better call."

"Yeah, you said that already."

"Well, I wanted to make sure. . ." Yet another explanation came forth.

I couldn't help it. I started laughing. She does this. She can look right at you, nod, agree, say okay and still doesn't remember specifics, yet her explanation of WHY she doesn't goes on forever.

"Why are you laughing?" she asked mid sentence.

"Nothing, it's just funny," I said.

"What?"

"Nothing."

"Well, I thought I better call."

"I know, " I said, smiling, "Good idea. You got it now?"

"Yeah, I wanted to make sure."

"Okay. See ya later."

"Okay. I love you."

I love you too, babe, quirks and all.

7) Since I've talked about everyone else in my family, it seems only right to mention my dear husband. His birthday is Monday. Though he thinks he's getting old, I think he's getting better and better. I won't let you be a fuddy duddy, babe!

He's not perfect (for one thing, he's got the most frustrating wife!), but I sure do love him. So very much.

I watched an interview with Patrick Swayze and his wife before his death and Barbara Walters asked her, "Have you come to terms with the possibility of life without him?" She had a hard time answering the question, and as I thought about my own response, I had to leave the room. The thought of living without Kevin. . .well, let's just say I'm trusting God for more than providing for my kids.

Happy Birthday, honey. I would not be who I am today without your consistent, patient, faithful love. I adore you.


Have a splendid weekend, my friends. Catch more Quick Takes at Conversion Diary.

Do My Expectations of Myself Give the Wrong Message?

For as long as I can remember, truly, since I was a kid, I've struggled with my weight. I've prayed for God to make it a non-issue over and over and over, but He doesn't. I guess it's my "thorn in the flesh," my eternal weakness God doesn't take away so I am forced to rely on Him.

Okay.

Yeah, I say that now. Believe me, I've had plenty of temper tantrums about it. I wish I could say I've quit obsessing about it, but I'd be lying. I'm working on not, or rather, God's working on me. Today He brought me a new reason to get over it already.

If I obsess about it publicly, even if it's only with my closest friends, do I project my expectations of myself onto them? If I expect myself to look a certain way, will my friends think they should too? If I cannot be happy with myself, will they start to believe they must be a certain way to gain my love and acceptance?

Even worse, what do I say to my daughters?

Do I inadvertently place expectations on my loved ones when I put them on myself? I don't want that. I don't want to place ANY expectations on those I love. I want them to feel valued and important no matter what. I want them to know I'm in their corner at all times, that they are deeply loved , that they are safe and esteemed, no matter what their circumstances.

But if I don't give myself the same courtesy, why should they expect me to give it to them?

Which Way Will Your Troubles Take You?

"Affliction will either warm you up toward spiritual things or turn you cold."

Joni Eareckson Tada

My grandfather was a scary man.

When I was a child, he would pinch my sister and me, pinch us hard, just to see what we'd do. He'd say terrible things to my mother. He'd get angry easily and go on verbal tirades, red-faced, spit flying. My mother has horrible stories from her childhood, stories of beatings and fleeing his anger. The first word that comes to mind when I think of my grandpa is evil.

After I became an adult I learned he came from a family with a rich Christian heritage. I heard him sing old Baptist hymns with passion and fervor. His grandparents even set money aside for him to attend seminary--my evil, abusive grandfather! What happened?!

My mom tells stories of sporadic church attendance as a child. When things were going well, they'd go to church, until something unexpected happened, like a hailstorm wiping out a crop. Then Grandpa would scream to the heavens and be mad at God for a while and they'd be out of church until he got over it.

His afflictions made him cold. He spent his life fighting God, trying to prove he didn't need a Savior, making himself miserable and angry.

And evil.

He left a legacy of hurt when he should have left one of light.

He makes me realize I have a choice and so do you. I can let my afflictions make me bitter and angry and hurt everyone around me, or I can use them to bring me into the lap of Jesus. I've seen first hand how cold it can be to turn the other way, how destructive and life sucking bitterness is, how it affects generations. I won't do that do my family and I praise God my mother didn't either.

My grandfather led a tormented life, but he didn't have to. If he would have chosen to turn TOWARDS God in his troubles instead of away from Him, he could have had more peace. If he accepted the afflictions were not personal, were not a punishment, but meant to bring him closer to his Savior, his life would have been different. And so would have my mother's.

"Choose this day whom you will serve," Joshua said.

Which will you pick, a life of peace or one of torment?

"In this life you will have trouble," Jesus tells us.

Which way will your troubles take you?

Join our host Debbie at Heart Choices for more In "Other" Words.

Surviving This Life of Grief

I miss my son. It's silly, I know. I saw him Saturday and he lives less than an hour away, but still I miss him and the ability to fix his problems or ease his stress level. I want to take care of everything for him the way I did when he was little, but I can't and I shouldn't. He has to learn to be an adult on his own, but it hurts my heart to know he will have struggles like we all do. I grieve his loss of childhood. And I miss him.

I dread what the next few years brings. In two, too short years, our daughter will join her brother into young adulthood and move out of our house. Just the thought puts a pit in my stomach and fills my eyes with tears. I have to let four children go. I want them to experience all life has to offer and am excited to see what God has planned for them, but my heart just can't take it, this gradual pilgrimage of my children out into the world. It feels like we've started a slow leak that leads to my heart becoming flat. I know it's part of life and natural and that good things will come from it, but every child's exodus will start another grieving process.

Then I hear of friends having cancer and losing their jobs and couples splitting up and kids who've lost their way and I'm aware in any tough circumstance, people grieve for what was, for the safety of before. It's hard to live in this world, this cruel place, full of pain and changes. Today is one of those days I'm not sure I have it in me to be here a lifetime. Today I fully recognize my need for power beyond what I have and I cling to my only life line.

Forever God is faithful.

He will supply what we need.

Forever God is strong.

He will lift us above the muck.

Forever God is with us.

We never walk alone.

Forever.

Forever.

We will make it, friends. If we lay our hearts into the hands of a merciful, compassionate God, we will make it through. Besides, what is the alternative? I know I don't have it in me to do it alone. I choose to latch onto THE source of strength, the same power which has comforted generations.

I remember my affliction and my wandering, the bitterness and the gall. I well remember them, and my soul is downcast within me. Yet this I call to mind and therefore I have hope: Because of the Lord's great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. (Lamentations 3:19-23)

Because of the Lord's great love we are not consumed. Because of the Lord's great love, we will survive this life of grief and move on to something beyond our imagination.

Forever God is faithful.
Forever God is strong.
Forever God is with us.
Forever.
Forever.