7 Quick Takes (Volume 137)

1) After taking the picture of the instruments in my kitchen last week, I got to thinking about how many other instruments we have in the house. There's a piano and guitar in the living room, an electric guitar in Ladies Man's room, a soprano sax, a tenor sax, a flute, a recorder and another clarinet in the foyer closet, an alto sax on the upstairs porch, another trombone in our guest room and an antique pump organ in our foyer. Oh, and that doesn't count the trap set and oboe we've loaned out.

But we're not musical. Oh brother.

2) And speaking of the foyer closet, I'm happy to say I finally got it organized. This was no small feat as this closet wraps under the front staircase. It houses pictures, coats, folding chairs, shoes, toys and instruments. It's the place we dump things when we don't know what else to do with. I know I did a good job because Miss Innocent One opened the door looking for her shoes and went, "Whoa! Who cleaned out the closet?"

Of course that was about the dumbest question I ever heard. Really, there's any doubt who did it? Who else in my family would even THINK about cleaning out a closet? (If you're offended, my dear loved ones, feel free to prove me wrong!)

This anti-hoarder thing has been great for my house and knowing I have to report to you is just enough motivation to keep going. Plus on those days I'm feeling uninspired in my writing and the hours tick away as I stare at my computer screen, I feel less stressed about the time I spend thinking instead of putting my house in order. The way I look at it, having an organized, de-hoarded house will make me a better writer. (One can dream, right?)

3) Get this. Ladies Man is even growing out of his socks! They barely stay on his heel! I've been noticing tons and tons of holes all over his socks in places one doesn't normally get them, like the bottom of his foot, not the heel or the ball, but the arch or the side. I couldn't understand it until I saw this and realized he's stretching them out so bad they spring holes wherever.


He tells me the new shoes he got in January are ripping out and feeling a little tight too. Yikes!

I thought it might be fun to take another picture of our feet next to each other. As you look at this, keep in mind that my foot is no small potato. I wear a size 10 shoe!


As Drummer Boy says, "That kid is huge."

4) This week we caught an episode of Extreme Makeover: Weight Loss Edition. Talk about inspiring! This 23-year-old kid lost around 250 pounds in one year! He basically got a whole new life. With his weight loss came more confidence in himself and a greater willingness to put himself out there and experience all life has to offer. It was an amazing transformation, not only physically, but emotionally. I was so happy for him and his new found freedom.

5) My children thoroughly enjoyed watching me watch Extreme Makeover: Weight Loss Edition. They mock me on a consistent basis. There must be a secret code for adolescents, requiring them to make fun of their parents. They noticed me getting a little teary over the show and couldn't let it go.

Drama Queen: Are you crying, Mommy (Hint: Use of the word "Mommy" is a dead giveaway I'm in for it.)?

Ladies Man: Are you going to be okay, Mommy?

Drama Queen (sticking her face into mine): Are you?

Ladies Man: Do you need a kleenex?

Me: You people are mean to me.

Ladies Man: SHUT . . . UP!

That got a big laugh out of Drama Queen who went to Ladies Man immediately for high fives. Then the two of them bombarded me in a gigantic hug nearly smothering me to death.

Drama Queen: Oh, Mommy, it's okay. We love you.

Ladies Man: Yeah, we love you, Mommy.

Yeah, yeah, whatever. Love me by not treating my like an idiot!

6) Drummer Boy is not living at home this summer and I have to admit I kinda miss him. With his busy, busy schedule, we didn't see him much this last semester. I know he's in good hands, though, as he moved in with my mom last week. He's already told us he enjoys being spoiled by Grandma with food.

Just in case you're reading this Drummer Boy, make sure you don't take your wonderful grandmother for granted and buy some groceries yourself every once in a while.

Oh, and yeah, we love you.

7) I think we may actually have a full Saturday with nothing on the agenda. My girls are talking about hitting the water park and after seeing my bare, white shoulders and legs, I think I may need to join them. I need some sun, people! Now watch, it will rain or be like 50 degrees. If so, we'll make the best of it and this lady will make a cleaning list for us to complete.

Or just sit around the living room on computers. We're pretty good at that.

Whatever you do, ENJOY your weekend, friends. Take a peek at more Quick Takes at Conversion Diary.

The Curse

Childbearing was only the tip of the iceberg. Genesis 3 doesn't come out and say it, but when Adam and Eve bit into that stinkin' piece of fruit, we women inherited raging hormones. Think about it. If all was butterflies and roses before then, Eve certainly didn't do the ugly a few weeks each month like I do, right? That came AFTER the Fall. And what makes childbearing painful? Don't unstable hormones play a part? The curse brought on much worse than tough birthing. The pain of childbearing passes. Hormones keep coming back.

Ugh.

Last week my hormones convinced me life was too hard and everything looked terrible. This week life seems manageable. What made the difference? Yeah, you know what I'm talking about, that is, if you're female! I HATE the mood fluctuations. Shouldn't I be able to be more consistent in my emotions? What kind of weak sap am I if I can't overcome the way I feel? Isn't the Holy Spirit within me? Am I not relying on His power? Am I some kind of wimpy Christian? Does falling victim to fluctuating hormones make me unspiritual?

But see, there he is again, that crafty serpent suggesting I may as well give up. What's that verse about smacking him with our heels? Get kickin', girls, we have truth on our side.

The truth is, though I had a tough week emotionally, I used self-control and didn't rip anybody's head off like I wanted to. My family still got fed (maybe not well, but nobody starved). I was a fairly functional adult if you don't count my little weepy bouts. Though it was tougher, I DID keep it together. I DID.

I think God smiles at that. He knows we women struggle. He knows we must rise above a lot of yuck on some days. He knows we're giving the best we can and even though we don't feel too lovable, He sees us through the eyes of our Savior, Jesus, who made us holy, and says, "Isn't she beautiful?"

It's true the curse makes life harder for us. It presents us with a continual temptation to give into our feelings and I know how easy it is to go there friends. Believe me! But we need to remember WHOSE we are. We are daughters of the Most High God. He has declared us holy and righteous through the blood of Jesus. The battle is already won. We need only to press on, stuff the ugly and endure.

I'm right there with you girls! May He continue to give us strength and self-control. Hang in there, you awesome women, deeply loved by God.

The Little Stuff

Life wears on me.

Last week nothing monumental happened, nothing tragic or earth shattering, yet I deemed it a rotten week. Trouble in a relationship, unexpected major expenses, growing pains in our family, raging hormones and inconveniences which felt like they might send me over the edge, sapped my strength.

I asked God more than once, "Why does life have to be so hard?"

Can you guess the answer? I know I've talked about it before.

It doesn't have to be. TRUST ME!

If we can trust God for our eternal salvation, how can we not trust Him to provide for the “little” things of life?”

M.E. Howard

It's not that I don't trust Him, but Satan masterfully uses the "little stuff" to distract me from what I know to be true. He's the one who suggests I may lose it. He gets my mental calculator humming. He brings the worries to mind and throws in annoyances to keep me off kilter. He knows all he has to do is adjust my eyesight slightly and I'm a goner.

And I let him do it!

It's time to start fighting back and remembering what is true instead of falling for what isn't. Will you join me? When the "little stuff" wears on you, will you gain peace of mind and freedom from anxiety by focusing on God's promises instead of the problem? I gotta admit I really stink at this. I'm a dweller. I'll need your help. Remind me to rest in words like this, okay?

. . . those who hope in me will not be disappointed.

Isaiah 49:23

Amen Lord. Renew our hope. Keep us focused on Your Truth.

Join our host, Urailak, at Living for God for more takes on this quote.

Why Can't It Ever Be Good Enough?

People say I'm hard on myself.

I suppose it's true. The race I talked about last week was just a taste of how I struggle being satisfied with anything I've done. In my eyes, most everything I do is never quite good enough. If there's anybody who's ever done it better, then I think my efforts worthless.

I suppose there's nothing wrong with understanding who you are (and aren't), but it means I don't celebrate much. There's no satisfaction in reaching a goal, only a nagging thought that someone else could do it better. And while there's a benefit to continually wanting to improve yourself, it can get old to feel like you'll never arrive. So when the issue came up again at the race, I had to ask myself.

What is the matter with me?! Why can't I be happy with anything I do?

I've been reading The Search For Significance by Robert S. McGee and finding some disturbing insight. McGee says most Christians mistakenly define their self worth this way:

Self Worth = Performance + Others' Opinions

I'm probably guilty of that, but here's the quote that really smacked me upside the head.

Our behavior is often a reflection of our beliefs about who we are . . . if we base our worth on our abilities or the fickle approval of others, then our behavior will reflect the insecurity, fear, and anger that comes from such instability.

Busted.

Why was the race so hard for me? I was one of the last to finish. I didn't feel my "performance" would be deemed respectable in the eyes of others. Why was I angry? I was doing my best and it wasn't good enough.

No wonder I'm frustrated so often. I'm looking for significance from an unstable, ever-changing source through people with differing opinions. My lack of satisfaction comes from trying to find my self worth apart from God.

Ouch.

Now to show good faith that I'm working on this, I must tell you that McGee also says this is a problem for all of humanity (not just me) ever since the Fall of man. When Adam and Eve took that fateful bite, our security and significance in God alone took a big hit. We will all struggle with this. Please tell me I'm not alone!

What is the antidote? How can we find our worth in Him alone?

We must learn what is TRUE. Only when we correct our faulty vision through the lens of His Word, will we gain right thinking and find our meaning. We will never be good enough. That's why we needed Jesus in the first place. And once we have Him, we don't have to be or do anything to prove ourselves. We may actually find it easier to live a life pleasing to Him because of the Holy Spirit within, guiding our every step.

God doesn't want us living defeated lives. His word speaks of victory and praise. I want to know triumphant living. I want to be free from performing and trying to prove my worth to others. I want to feel happy about something I've finished. I want to feel satisfaction and joy at a job well done.

I want to find my significance in God alone.


Photo Credit: eschipul

7 Quick Takes (Volume 136)

1) Ladies Man is on a new bike riding kick. He bought himself a bike last week and has been getting up early to take it out. Yesterday morning he was out of the house before 6:AM! I'm not sure why he insists on doing it so early. It's not like his schedule is so jammed that it's the only time he can fit it in. He says there aren't a lot of people out at that time of day, but in a town of 13,000, traffic is really not an issue. In his words, he's planning to get "buff" this summer. I'm not sure his plan is going to work if he gets up early only to sack out on the couch the rest of the morning, but more power to ya, bud! Ride like the wind.

2) There wasn't much anti-hoarding going on this week unless you count cleaning the papers off of my bread box. Other than that, I'm not sure what I spent my time on this week.

I need to be working on our Christmas musical and am feeling the pressure of it, but I'm in the beginning bang-your-head-on-the-table stage that requires lots of deep thinking and divine inspiration which hasn't come yet. It's so tough! When I have no ideas, I revert to research, looking up Bible verses on the theme of the show and reading other related material. But soon an outline must be done and I am SWEATING IT! Let's move on before I depress myself, shall we? Prayers are appreciated!

3) Kevin and Drama Queen had a GREAT trip to Chicago with the high school choir. One of the highlights was Drama Queen getting brought on stage at a Blue Man Group performance.


I'm sure she gave them lots of great reactions.


4) I wanted to crawl under the covers more than a few times this week and ignore life. It started when Ladies Man discovered a flat on his new bike. Of course, this became the central problem in our lives and had to be taken care of immediately if we wanted to live with him peaceably, so we took it in right away. When we went to pick it up, I left my van because it was overdue to have the tires rotated. I decided to walk home and get the van later and Ladies Man set off on his bike. Ten minutes later he calls me and says his brakes are a mess and they bent the wheel or something, forcing him to walk the bike home too. We both got home but couldn't return the bike because we had no vehicle and didn't feel like hoofing it back. Shortly after, the tire place called to say they found a "surprise" on the van when they put it on the lift. To make a long story short, my free tire rotation turned into a $650 bill!

On top of all this, my laptop has been having some issues and basically I've been without it for five weeks (This, of course, is a problem for a person who spends a substantial amount of time writing and has a major production to crank out this summer.). The same day I got the fateful call from the tire place, the computer place told me the CHEAPEST route was to send it in to the company who would fix all its issues for a flat rate of $479.95! I BOUGHT it for less than that! Thankfully I have a friend who says he can fix it for a fraction of the cost. THANK YOU BRENT!

ARG! Money stuff completely stresses me out. Add on top of this my kids' ever changing schedules and plans I can hardly keep track of. I never know how many people I'll find in my house at any given moment. And it didn't help that it was a hormonal week either. Sigh. One day at a time.

Obviously I have not hit my summer groove yet. Maybe a sunburn would make me feel better.

5) A little guy who's not quite two years old hung out at our house a few hours this week and we had a HOOT with him. How does a person forget how entertaining small kids can be in the way they repeat your words and find something new every time they turn around?

It made me think being a grandma might be okay some day. SOME day. Since none of my kids are married, it better not be soon. Are you hearing me, kids?

6) People often make comments about how our family is "musical" which confuses me because I don't think we're more musical than any other family. Then yesterday I noticed this in my kitchen.


How many families have a clarinet, a trombone, a french horn and a marching snare drum sitting in their kitchen on an ordinary Thursday? Okay, now I get it.

7) Our weekend is full with a bridal shower, a baby shower, a wedding, a graduation party and my nephews spending the night. (Hmm, little kids twice in one week. You don't think God's getting me ready for the grandma thing, do you? Yikes.)

I'll try not to think about it too much and just enjoy the weekend. I hope you do too. Start it off right by taking a gander at more Quick Takes at Conversion Diary.

The Race

Thanks for the well wishes for my first 5K race last Saturday. I wish I could say I enjoyed it, but I'd be lying. Gotta say it was tough. Tougher than I thought it would be. Here's me with my running buddy, before the race, LONG before we knew what we were in for, I mean, look at us, we're smiling!


This woman deserves BOTH our medals and a thousand dollars for talking sense and speaking truth to me the last half of the race. (More on that later.)

It all started on a cool, cloudy morning. And we're off . . .


I've run three miles (and more) lots of times, but I guess the pressure of finishing respectably among a bunch of strangers got to me. About halfway through the race, my emotions tanked. I was doing my best, giving my all, but found myself at the back of the pack. As I watched people ahead of me stopping to walk a bit then run, walk, then run and still be ahead of me though I was running the whole time, discouragement set in.

"I totally suck at this," I told my running friend.

"What are you talking about? You're doing it!" she replied.

"I hate this. I really hate this. Why did we think this was good idea?"

"You've got this. You can do it."

"I'll do it. I'm not going to quit, but I'm SO BAD at it."

"Stop that right now. Do you know how many people never even try this?"

"What kind of stupid person does something they're terrible at?"

"It takes a lot more courage to do things you're bad at than those that come easy to you."

I knew she was right, but my stomach knotted and emotion welled up inside, causing me to fight back tears the entire last mile. My friend kept speaking truth and I tried to believe it. Six months ago I couldn't run half a mile straight and here I was running a 5K, over THREE miles, but all I could see was the hoards of people ahead of me. Soon God started screaming at me.

GET YOUR EYES OFF OTHER PEOPLE! RUN YOUR OWN RACE!

My problem was not my slow, old lady legs, but my wandering eyes. My frustration came from comparing myself and coming up short.

"You are totally robbing yourself of the joy of this moment," my friend chided, "You're doing something you've never done before. Now stop it. You're going to cross that finish line and be happy about what you've accomplished!"

I tried, but sadly I couldn't muster up any pride in myself. Kevin said he could tell I was mad as I crossed the finish line. What do you think?


Though the race was tough, I was glad to have run it with these great friends. They were the best part of the day. Here we are AFTER it was all done. We don't look too worse for wear.


And you'll never believe it (I'm still doubting it myself), but I won my age division! I HAD to have been the only person in the 40-49 group.


I think God is trying to tell me something through this running torture adventure. Apparently I have a lot to learn about humility and running my own race. This is not about a fitness regimen. He's working on a spiritual issue within me. So even though I hate it and completely suck at it, I'll keep running. I'll try another race. I can't ignore God's consistent message.

I want you to do something that's hard for you.

I'm not sure why He's asking this of me, but I'll stay at it. I'll persevere and give my best, even if my best is last. If it will make me a better person, the pain (and humiliation) is worth it, right?

Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us.

Hebrews 12:1

I will run the race marked out for me and I pray He makes something good of it.

A Bloggiversary!

Five years ago today, FIVE YEARS AGO!, The Next Step was born. For five years people have been reading my mind here, discovering my flaws, hearing way more information than they ever wanted to know about my family.

WHY?!

I started this blog in response to God's nudging. You can read that story by clicking here. I had no idea what I was doing. I only knew I was supposed to do it. I could never have predicted my first post would set the tone for years to come, articulating my goal in this blogging adventure. I want to point people to God. Though I've tried not to make it all about me, I know the nature of the medium brings attention to the writer. I pray you are able to look past me and see God working in an ordinary woman. I hope by reading my thoughts you see how He fits into everyday, ugly, real life.

Over 800 posts later, I still have no idea what I'm doing, but I've discovered we humans are alike in many ways. As I admit to my struggles, others chime in to say I'm not alone, that they struggle too. When I open up about my fears and weaknesses and anxieties, I find others battle the same way. Being transparent and vulnerable gives others permission to do the same and suddenly there is relief among us all. I love that. If the time I spend here helps us relate to each other better and enables us to be who we really are, it is time very well spent.

I know it sounds weird, but sometimes I think I can sense the people who read this blog, even if they've never said anything. They carry a knowing smile. They look at me differently. They react softer to me, like they have a better idea of who I am. It's like they know my demons and how I fight them and have some kind of respect for me, though they have little contact with me in person. Because I put it all out there, they have better understanding. I wish everybody could know that feeling, to be given that benefit of the doubt.

Hmmm, want to start a blog and share your guts? I'd read it!

I would be remiss if I didn't thank you, the person reading these words right now. It baffles me why you come back day after day to read my babbling, but I am grateful for the opportunity to interact with you. I often feel sad I don't get to know you the way you know me. Be assured your thoughtful comments are treasured. They matter. They spur me on. They affirm God's nudging. If this blog has any effect on any lives, you have a huge part in it. Thank you for giving me permission to be who I am and somehow accepting me for it.

I could never have predicted five years ago I would have so much to say, especially since I spend many days staring at a blank screen wondering what in the world I'll talk about. But as I faithfully approach my computer, God faithfully brings the words and the courage to put them out there. So I must thank Him, for not giving me an out, for stretching me and teaching me about trust and discipline, for showing me vulnerability not only opens me up for hurt, but also for authentic, satisfying interaction.

He has been good to me. If you read this blog consistently, I hope you see that. And I hope you see that He is good to you too. Thanks for joining me on this journey.

Soli deo Gloria.

To God be the glory.