No Need for Proof

We sat on a bus in the middle of Pennsylvania, making our way back to Nebraska from a college band tour. It was late and dark with many hours ahead of us, an environment conducive to deep discussions.

"Tell me about your faith," he suddenly asked me.

"What do you want to know?"

"Are you one of those people who is saving themselves for marriage?"

I took a deep breath and answered, "Yes."

"Let's say there was some kind of tragedy in my family and I was really hurting. Being with someone could be very comforting. Wouldn't that be a loving thing to do?"

My jittery fingers were grateful for the dark. "I don't think so."

"It's not?! Sex can be very soothing. What a sacrificial thing to do for a friend."

"I don't know. I would never do that."

"So if I was distraught and needed comfort, you're saying you wouldn't sleep with me?"

"No."

"You're more concerned about your ideals than me then."

"It has nothing to do with you. God reserves sex for marriage. As a Christian I have to obey Him first."

"But isn't God a god of love?"

"Yes."

"Then it doesn't make sense. Making love is the deepest way of loving another person."

"I don't know what to tell you. All I know is the Bible says it is for marriage only."

"But that only applies if the Bible is true."

And boom, our conversation turned into debate. All I could stand on was what I knew to be true in scripture. I couldn't explain it and understood he may not be able to grasp it even if I tried since he wasn't a Christian. He waxed poetic about his enlightened state of mind while I felt very small and uncultured and ignorant.

You've been there too, I imagine, feeling like you're under a spotlight, someone challenging your "narrow" way of thinking, saying in essence, "Prove it."

But God IS. He is alive and working. His Word is Truth. I don't have to prove it any more than I have to explain how my e-mail ends up in my inbox.

If God said that Jonah was swallowed by a whale, then the whale swallowed Jonah, and we do not need a scientist to measure the gullet of a whale.

~ A. W. Tozer ~

Why do we Christians feel the need to explain God? To justify our faith? To prove our position is correct? If we believe our God is so big and powerful, is human logic and reasoning really necessary? God can reveal Himself quite nicely without us. Yes, we need to be ready to give an answer to sincere questions, but there is no need for us to get defensive and beaten down.

Jesus didn't succumb to the taunts of the devil either. He spoke truth and left it at that until Satan gave up.

Then the devil left Him, and angels came and attended Him.

Matthew 4:11

We would do well to follow His example. Let the Truth speak for itself.


To read more impressions of this quote, visit Chocolate and Coffee.

Change Can be Good

A major change came to our family this fall. Since I talked about it ad nauseum for months, I decided to let it lay for a while, but those of you who have faithfully prayed for our family deserve to know the impact of your prayers.

The boy's doing well in college.

It hasn't been easy, but he's finding his way. Quite honestly, he's surprised me in many ways. He can and DOES do laundry. He has learned to navigate in a new town. He's not intimidated by "flippant" drivers, drunk classmates or cursing transvestites (Nebraska isn't all cornfields and football, people).

The most exciting thing I'm seeing in him is a determination to follow God. I knew he would try, but I didn't fully grasp his resolve to do so. His blog posts Kicked out of the Bird's Nest and Alleviating the Ictus show me he is taking less than ideal circumstances, frustrations and worries and trusting them to God, letting Him be his ultimate source of comfort and strength. He's going to be okay. He really is. Thank You, Jesus.

And the rest of us?

My heart has been warmed to see his siblings miss him. They DO love each other. Can you hear "The Hallelujah Chorus"? Our older daughter has become our fount of information as they text back and forth daily. (She's seeing he won't forget her.) Thanks to technology, we are all staying connected pretty easily, and in some ways better than when he actually lived here. We miss him and his fun-loving nature around the house, but it does allow for other personalities to show through. I'm seeing things in my other kids I haven't noticed before too.

And believe it or not, I'm discovering the art of backing off can be quite freeing. Not knowing the specific happenings of his every day gives me less to worry about. I like seeing his desire to handle things on his own and can respect it. He's becoming a man. I enjoy hearing his already older sounding voice and love it when he pops in to chat if he sees me on Facebook. Our relationship is changing, for the better. Who wouldn't be happy about that?

I thank you, my friends, for your prayers. They have truly made a difference for this family. I praise our Almighty God who captured the heart of my son and allowed me to see it.

He's going to be okay. He really is. And so are we. Thank You, Jesus.


Related links:
Letting Go, But Holding On
Not As Tough As She Seems
We Made It!
Un-nesting
I Survived

For more Thankful Thursday posts, visit Iris. While you're there, wish her a great big "HAPPY BIRTHDAY!"

The Art of Hospitality

“Hospitality is becoming an almost forgotten Christian virtue in our style of life today… In the New Testament, however, hospitality was a distinctive mark of Christians and Christian communities.”

~Alexander Strauch
from The Hospitality Commands~

In any given week, lots of people pass through my house. My kids bring friends over. Bible study ladies come every Wednesday night. It's not uncommon for people to drop by unannounced (which I love, by the way). Yet, when I read this quote, I felt like a failure.

I don't do a lot of purposeful entertaining. It's not that I mind it. I love cooking. I love the actual evening of conversation. The cleaning...well, that's another story, but I'm willing to do it for the payoff of a wonderful time with friends. I like having people in our home, but finding the time to do it is another thing entirely.

Yet again, Satan strikes. This time with a blow known as busyness.

Or is it?

Maybe he's really hitting us with inadequacy. As I think back over last week, I fed supper to three friends of my daughter's (and she took plates for three more). My younger kids had friends over to play and a couple nights they stayed to eat with us. Bible study brought another 15 people in. It's pretty common to have a few extra kids running around the house after school. So why do I think I fail? Is it because Satan has fooled me into thinking "real" hospitality involves planning, a clean house and food cooked from scratch?

I learned a lot about this subject when we hosted a college study every week. College kids are impressed with ANYTHING. They think midnight nachos are fun and they don't care if all you have to put on them is cheese. They enjoy sudden ice cream runs. They don't notice the furniture is decrepit and even take dibs on who gets it when you can finally replace it. They showed me hospitality has more to do with being available than being Martha Stewart. The biggest compliment they paid was the way they lingered (And BOY, did they linger! We stopped doing this study over a year ago and I STILL have the bags under my eyes to show for it!)

To me the main goal of hospitality is warmth. I want those who enter our home to feel comfortable enough to linger like our college kids and confident they're welcome to come back any time. My mom says a sign of a good host is when guests get into her refrigerator without asking because it shows she's made them feel at home. Hospitality is more about a feeling you provide than the environment you create.

I wish I could say my house is perfectly clean, but it isn't. Gourmet meals are rarely on the menu. The lawn needs to be mowed and my closets are embarrassing. These things aren't a priority for me and I don't think they need to be. These should not be prerequisites for inviting people in. My main goal is to make people feel welcome and comfortable. Some people find it refreshing when they catch my house in a mess (I think I've done my duty now, Linda.). I figure I do them a favor answering the door with smelly work-out clothes and no makeup. You can believe they feel better about themselves in an instant!

And let's not let the Bible intimidate us when it comes to this issue. We don't have to slaughter an animal or bake bread to practice the virtue of hospitality. Microwave popcorn and a listening ear may be all a person needs to feel welcome. Opening our homes requires opening our very selves to the people who grace our doors. THAT is where true hospitality lies.


To read more impressions of this quote, visit Joyfully Living for His Glory.

Morning Fun

My husband (most definitely NOT a morning person) shuffles into the kitchen at the same time my daughter exits.

"She didn't want any of my beautiful eggs. Look at 'em," I say, bringing the pan closer, "Aren't they beautiful?"

He drags his not-yet-awake body my way, wraps his arms around my waist and mumbles, "not as beautiful as you."

Yeah. He can be a suck-up, but I'm no fool. I'll take it and play along. "Ooh, keep talking."

He buries his sleepy eyes in my neck and admits, "That's all I got."

And I laugh. You gotta love a guy who keeps it real.

Shining For Him

It is quieter than normal in her living room. Though her smile normally lights up a room, today it is absent. Instead there are tears and confusion and deep, deep thought. She says something then stares at the floor. I hate to break the quiet and something in me tells me to wait, so I do. More pain comes gushing out and then more silence. The pattern continues and soon I find myself in wonder. My beautiful, beautiful friend is processing past hurt and emotions she has tried to avoid, simply because God says it is time.

He tells her, "Let it out, deal with it, feel it." While it cuts to her core, she decides she must because as she puts it, "I feel worse, but I know it's going to be better." Amid the sorrow there is hope. And I see the desire in her to know God more, to experience the freedom only He can give.

She knows it won't be fun. She's sure He'll ask her to do things she doesn't want to, but she'll do them. She's determined to follow Him wherever He leads. She has to. Her heart truly belongs to Him.

“Still, accepting God’s existence is one thing; honoring his command is another matter entirely, especially if we’re required to go back when we’d rather go forward.”

~Liz Curtis Higgs

And here I am, sitting on her couch, watching God do His thing, seeing her respond with humility and trust. She has never been more beautiful. My already high esteem jumps up considerably and I thank God I know this woman who challenges me to be better. God's touch is evident. I am so proud of her.

I can't help but wonder if I have that courage. Would I be willing to take a step back for God? Could I walk through pain only because God said it was necessary? I'd like to think I would, but just in case, I'll keep hanging with this girl. She's sure to lead the way.


For more impressions on this week's quote, visit Miriam Pauline's Monologue.

Mesmerized

I can hardly take it.

Really.

God is just too much.

The last two days have brought me up close and personal with His Spirit at work in people I love. Unexpected glimpses of Him have left me speechless. Wow.

Wow.

I'm completely jazzed and amazed and consumed with reflective thoughts. I find myself staring into space thinking. I linger in a chair, gazing out the window, lost in my head. (To my IRL friends--I know what you're thinking. Trust me. It's worse than usual.) I can't sleep, recalling what I've seen. And I'm not getting squat done at my house!

But you know what? I really don't care. I don't care that my kitchen's a mess and I only got two loads of clothes washed today. I have no guilt for spending a fortune on lunch or slapping together nachos for dinner. It doesn't matter that I need to lose a little weight or have a zit forming on my chin. Having a title or amazing credits to my name means nothing.

None of it matters because I've seen God!

I've had a front row seat to His transforming power. I know, I know my Redeemer lives. My body is actually tingly with excitement.

Therefore my heart is glad and my tongue rejoices; my body also will rest secure.
Psalm 16:9
Wow.

He is real. He is living. He is working.

You know I have to sing again, right?

How can I keep from singing Your praise?
How can I ever say enough?
How amazing is Your love.
How can I keep from shouting Your name?
I know I am loved by the King
and it makes my heart want to sing.

Keep doing Your thing, God. Wow.

Watching the Spirit Move

God

is

working.

All around us.

Every day.

I see Him in the resolve I never knew existed in my grown son. He shines in the courage, faithfulness and trust of my dear mother-in-law. I almost hold my breath as He draws near to a woman willing to feel the pain of her past because her heart wants more of Him.

And I am in awe. He redeems tears. He holds hearts tenderly. He speaks softly. He turns meager human effort into the supernatural.

I am sucked in. I want to shake everyone around me and say, "Do you see it? Do you feel it? Can you believe it?" I can't look away. My eyes mist, yet a smile won't leave my face. I am mesmerized by His presence and my heart is pierced with one thought.

Who am I, that I get to sit so close?

Everything in me wants to sing,

There is none like You.
No one else can touch my heart like You do.
I could search for all eternity long and find
there is none like You.

I see You, Lord, and I am moved.


Find more thankful hearts at Sting My Heart.

Why Romance Matters

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When we were dating, we'd take long walks under starry skies, hand in hand, discussing our future and our dreams. We'd stay up until 3:AM, soft music playing in the background, talking about where God was taking us. We got married and I'd surprise him with special romantic dinners in our teeny apartment, getting so gussied up, dinner would inevitably get cold (wink, wink).

And then life kicked into gear. Jobs required more of our time. We added kids. And activities. And stress.

And now romance is not so easily attained. It requires effort. It has to be thought about and planned. While sometimes it's one more thing to do (please, no more!), the benefits always outweigh the hassle. Society jokes that romance ends with marriage, but I think God designed marriage to include romance for very specific reasons.

Romance identifies you as belonging to each other.

Maybe because I spent so many high school and wedding dances watching everybody else have a good time, I find dancing very romantic. It's you and him on the dance floor surrounded by people, yet you only have eyes for each other. You are cheek to cheek. You smell the cologne on his neck. His arm pulls you in close, clinging tightly to your waist and he clutches your hand in his. Your legs tangle in step together, your bodies gently sway in synch. You whisper in each other's ear and laugh at private jokes.

And there is no doubt you are tight and very together.

I don't know about you, but I like being identified with my husband. I like knowing we go together. Every romantic encounter cements the idea of "US" in our heads, helping us behave and act like a unit, like one, as God intended.

Romance provides memories to bond you.

I can think of several special encounters with my husband--a kiss in the fog by the pond after we first uttered "I love you", his arranging the delivery of a gift and handwritten note for me each day he was gone on a 12-day trip, the way he grabs my hand under the table when we pray over meals, sleeping in our living room next to the lit Christmas tree, eating dinner outside in Ancient Rome with rain lightly falling on the awning over us, unexpected and touching e-mails, a hot tub in Louisiana...These make up who we are as a couple. Romantic moments build memories to fall back on in tough days. When times are not so idyllic, they serve to remind us who we have been, who we are. I may think him insensitive today, but recalling a thoughtful gesture or special night in the past reminds me what is true about him. Focusing on truth sustains a marriage.

Romance provides emotional connection.

When I asked my husband what he thought about romance in marriage, whether he felt it was necessary or not, he reflected for a moment (he's becoming more like me every day--woo hoo!) and then he said, "Yeah...it's fun. It's a good way for guys in particular to get in touch with their emotions." Can you believe this guy? I couldn't get better answers if I was feeding them myself!

But I think he's on to something. As I've been pondering this topic the last few days, one thing that came to mind was how often romantic interludes include or lead to sexual intimacy. There's no coincidence there. Romantic moves make women feel special, loved and more apt to offer themselves to their husbands. The emotional connection draws us to one another, enhancing our physical relationship. And who would say the extra effort was not well worth it when it leads to more satisfying and meaningful sexual encounters? This could be a whole topic in itself (Trust me, you don't want to get me started on this one.). The sexual union is a critical component in any marriage and is too often dismissed. Sex is not just for fun. It also builds unity, oneness and trust. Any additional help we can give to this area is vital to the health of our marriages. Are you hearing what I'm saying?!

Romance provides retreat and sanctuary.

Life is tough. Responsibilities wear us down. We get tired, at least I do, of the same routine, the same work, the same duties. Perhaps it is a personal weakness of mine, but I often long to escape the ordinary. An enchanted evening gives me a break from the everyday. It doesn't have to be much, dinner together, a walk on a summer evening. Even the suggestion of romance offers reprieve. Every so often my husband will snuggle into me and whisper, "I wish I could take you away somewhere". It gets me every time. To know he thinks of it (at least as often as I) is almost as good as actually going.

A little romance reminds us there is more to life than work and responsibilities. When I'm able to have time alone with my man, I let down. I feel like me again and know there's more to me than any of the roles I fill. Romantic time with my husband makes me feel special and important. We find refreshment and fun, relaxation and joy. There is sanctuary from the outside world. How beautiful of God to design marriage to accommodate this need for retreat. There is something very good about finding solace from life's problems in each other.


Lest you think me a complete idealist, let me tell you I'm completely aware of how difficult it can be to cultivate romance in marriage. We have four kids. We know all about hectic schedules and good intentions and interruptions! I wish I could say we have it all figured out, but then I'd be lying. As hard as it can be, every effort, whether successfully executed or not, tells our mate they are important. Times reserved for the two of you are never wasted. Maintaining romance in our unions will sustain and greatly enhance the enjoyment in our marriages. It's worth fighting for.

Romance matters. Indeed.

Visit Chrysalis for more Marriage Monday posts.

Not Missing the Best by Looking Too Hard

I sit in the van waiting for my daughter to get out of school. The temperatures have been cooler in my corner of the world lately, a perfect 72 degrees this afternoon. The sun is shining, a slight breeze blowing and I am thankful for this little delay in my day. I put the window down, prop a leg on the door, lean my head back on the seat and breathe deeply.

Aaah.

I rack my brain trying to come up with a good analogy to my spiritual life (something good for the blog, you know) and it occurs to me the moment itself is enough. I am thankful for the gift of a beautiful day and a brief break to soak in its splendor.

Thank You, Lord. Your beauty soothes my spirit.

The heavens declare the glory of God; the skies proclaim the work of his hands. Day after day they pour forth speech; night after night they display knowledge.

Psalm 19:1-2

To read more Thankful Thursday posts, visit Sting My Heart.

Heart Flutters

Every time my husband called, the news got worse.

It started with, "Dad fell off a ladder. They think he broke his leg or hip. I'm headed up to the hospital."

Then I got, "The leg isn't broken, but he may have messed up his knee and he has a pretty good gash on the back of his head."

Next, "The leg is fine, but there's a thoracic fracture."

And before the afternoon was over it became, "He's fractured several vertebrae and broke ribs, which punctured his lung. His left leg is weak and they think there's some pressure on his spinal cord. He's going into surgery as soon as the room is available."

Thus began a very tough week for our family.

My father-in-law is your quintessential good guy. He's always there to help, works hard and never complains. He comes in, gets the job done (VERY well), and then goes about his business. He calls himself rent-a-husband and he's paid his dues at our house, for sure. He's strong, but tender-hearted, tough, yet gentle. Though he's quiet, he says a lot when he speaks. With the same hands he'll fix my dryer, wipe tears from his eyes, replace a broken window or pray with hurting people.

But my favorite quality is what I call the Boesiger charm. Whenever they've eaten at our house, he never leaves without a hug and a kiss on my cheek. He'll flash me his cock-eyed grin, give me a wink and say, "Thank you, Tami." At church he'll sidle up next to me, put an arm around my waist, cock an eyebrow and ask, "How are you?" I'm not sure how he does it, but he melts my heart like a little girl every stinkin' time he grins my way. Don't tell him (or my mother-in-law), but I think he could get me to do about anything with only that smile.

It was tough seeing him lay in the ICU and it got worse day after day as there seemed to be no change. His fall occurring on my daughter's tenth birthday brought back bad memories of my own father dying on my son's tenth birthday. Seeing him hooked up to so many machines and missing his essence in his eyes when they were open caused me to plead, "Oh, God, please, I can't do this again already."

On his fifth day in ICU, his ventilator tube was removed and he was finally able to communicate some, but his voice was very weak and raspy. He spent most of the day sleeping and looked completely spent as my husband and I were leaving. I teased my mother-in-law about messing with him all the time and told her to watch out because before too long he was liable to side swipe her to leave him alone. He didn't say a thing or open his eyes, but he smiled and nodded his head. I felt a little relief seeing his humor coming back. I bent down, kissed his cheek and turned to leave, thinking he was asleep, when out of nowhere he said softly, "Made my day."

Mine too. Wow. He did it to me again, half-conscious.

I saw a glimpse of HIM again that night and was encouraged. God is good. He has turned a corner, but please continue to pray for he and my mother-in-law. There's a long road ahead with plenty of anxiety and questions and pain. We praise God for bringing him this far and trust His faithfulness to bring them through each day. Thank You, Lord.

Because of the Lord's great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. I say to myself, "The Lord is my portion; therefore I will wait for him." The Lord is good to those whose hope is in him, to the one who seeks him; it is good to wait quietly for the salvation of the Lord.

Lamentations 3:22-26