What Do You Do With the Grrrr?

Sometimes things eat at me. I'll think I've put them behind me and then out of no where I find myself talking about them again. With passion and anger, guilt and tears. We have many ways to describe our letting it all out.

Venting
Seeking counsel
Whining
Gaining perspective
Complaining
Confiding in a trusted adviser
Releasing the tension

We use pretty terms to rationalize (and excuse?) our behavior, but what is the right way to handle pent up feelings? Is it necessary to let them out? What happens when we don't? What is the Biblical way to deal with them?

When words are many, sin is not absent, but he who holds his tongue is wise.
Proverbs 10:19

Do everything without complaining or arguing
Philippians 2:14

Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.
Ephesians 4:29

I know these verses and have recited them to myself for years, but there's something about getting it out that feels better. Once I've spoken it I can let it go easier. Often as I'm spewing my junk, I hear how ridiculous it sounds out loud and am shamed into silence. If I only vent to my husband, isn't that okay? I mean, we are as one, so technically I'm talking to myself, right?

Hmmm. I have noticed though, that just like potato chips (you can't eat just one), once I open my mouth I'm more tempted to do it again and the problem with that is, not only can it border on gossip, but I'm tainting the opinion of the person I'm venting to. Will they get a bad taste in their mouth over something I've said?

But often someone gives me a different perspective, helps me make better sense of a situation, shows me the error in my thinking, sets me straight. In that case, saying something is worth it. How long would I have carried the grrr with me otherwise?

Once I'd been upset with my husband and held it in for six months when it exploded all over him. I never want to repeat that. Oooh. So ugly. And definitely not healthy for our marriage. How was our union affected that six months?

But here's my biggest struggle. I can't find scripture to support venting. Can I use verses like these? Talking things over with a trusted friend can help.

Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work: If one falls down, his friend can help him up. But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up!
Ecclesiastes 4:9-10

As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another.
Proverbs 27:17

Ugh. Do you see my dilemma? I want to handle this correctly. Can you do it with a trusted few you know will not repeat your angst? Should you never utter negativity? If I have a problem with someone, should I only talk to that person? But what if you can't? What do you do with the grrr then? I don't know the answer. At times I've been encouraged by sharing my pent up feelings, but others times I've carried guilt afterward. I've worked on this post for at least six weeks, waiting for God to bring the answer and so far have heard nothing. I figure I need help. Has He spoken to you on the issue?

What is your opinion on venting?



Photo Credit: Artworks Creative Communities

It Doesn't Happen Overnight

Are you knee deep in resolutions? Have you scrapped them already? Hiding your head in the sand, waiting for the first week of the year to be over and all this talk about change with it?

I'm not big on resolutions, mostly because I've never been good at keeping them. There's something depressing about setting lofty goals and never seeing them come to fruition. It only serves to make me feel like more of a failure. And I don't need that!

Yet as I look over my life, I DO see some improvement. How? Somewhere along the way God got through to me in different areas. As I search for an explanation I realize one thing is true about any metamorphosis.

It doesn't happen overnight.

My love of T.V. didn't vanish instantly one January. I didn't suddenly develop a love for the gym. My patience level has never significantly risen at the start of a new year. I didn't become a better wife, mother, friend in two weeks time.

I can't lose twenty pounds in a day, a week, or even a month and expect it to last. I can't say I'll keep my closets sparkling clean, but only attend them once a year. I can't exercise really hard in January, but do nothing the rest of the year and think I'll reap benefits.

It doesn't happen overnight.

Lasting change comes with daily, consistent choices. I can't wait for inspiration to hit. I have to choose THIS day the right way to go. Then tomorrow, I have to choose again and the next day and the next. The change has to occur forever, not just for a few weeks at the beginning of a new year. In order for that to happen, I may have to ask myself what I'm willing to give up for real change to take place.

Ouch. I know, right?! This is tough! I don't want to give anything up. I know how fickle I am. I look for an easy way out and take it at first chance. But if I want to reach any kind of resolution, I have to prepare myself for a process.

It doesn't happen overnight.

It takes supernatural help, which is why my word for the year (along with TRUST) is SEEK. If I'm not seeking God I'll never be able to make choosing wisely a habit in any area of my life.

It doesn't happen overnight.

It starts every day, every moment with a choice. It's all about being consistent, faithful, committed.

It doesn't happen overnight.

Will this be your year to kick a bad habit or start a good one? Can you put forth effort for the long haul? Are you willing to give something up to make it happen? Will you commit yourself to seeking after the only One who can help you do it?

It doesn't happen overnight.



Photo Credit: jeff_golden

Pulling Away

“Remember this. When people choose to withdraw far from a fire, the fire continues to give warmth, but they grow cold. When people choose to withdraw far from light, the light continues to be bright in itself but they are in darkness. This is also the case when people withdraw from God.”

~Augustine~

Some people blatantly turn their back on God, thinking they know better. Some dare Him to prove them wrong. Some deny His existence all together.

But most of us don't CHOOSE to withdraw. We don't make a conscious decision to step out of the light. We're slowly pulled away by our own desires, our own ideas. The temptations offered from a clever devil woo us. We may not even sense our departure until we're cold, until the darkness surrounds us.

"Where are You, God?" we plead.

I'm where I've always been. Where are you?

When we hear His voice we realize we've done it again. I don't need to be told I wander from the fire. I know who I am. I feel the cold. I need to be told when I make the first step away.

Lord, show us when we start turning. Stop us as we lift our foot to walk away. Make us aware of our choices that pull us away from You.


Join Kathryn at Expectant Hearts for more on this quote.

The Moment of Decision

“If we’re going to become the women God wants us to be, we’re going to have to begin being consciously selective, which means we ask ourselves questions like: Is this the best use of my time, money, energy, and resources? Is this God’s highest and best for me? Is it the healthiest thing for my spirit, soul, and body? … Do my daily choices reflect my true values or am I taking the path of least resistance simply to avoid the hard work of making conscious selections?”

by Donna Partow
Becoming the Woman God Wants Me to Be: A 90-Day Guide to Living the Proverbs 31 Life

When I get snippy with my family, I don't think of myself as making a choice. Getting snarky with pokey drivers in front of me surely can't be controlled, can it? Do I purposely neglect others? Can't I call it forgetfulness? The heavy sigh at my husband's remark isn't a conscious decision, is it? Have I really exercised my will when I absentmindedly pop the last cookie in my mouth?

I know the correct answers (YES!), but WOW is that defeating. I don't think before I act or speak or even let my mind dwell somewhere. I completely understand Paul's lament--"For what I do is not the good I want to do; no, the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing." (Romans 7:19)

But if I can't do the simplest of tasks with purpose, how can God use me? How can His Spirit reside in someone with so little self-control? How can I become a woman of "conscious selection?"

I pray for Him to show me the moment of decision, that instant where I make a choice. I pray He stops and reminds me I choose to utter derogatory comments at slow poke drivers or inflame a sticky situation at home saying something that doesn't need to be said or ignore someone who may need a hug. I pray for an awareness of what I'm about to do.

I pray for the moment of decision.

God is faithful, of course, but as soon as He started answering this prayer I found a greater need to pray for discipline and courage to make the right choice, but that's a whole other story.

May God make us people of awareness, people consciously choosing His best. May He show us our moments of decision.

Join our host Patricia at Typing One-Handed to see more impressions of this quote.

Feeling Like Martha

One more batch of cookies. Another round of peppermint patties. One more gift. Another stocking stuffer. I should pick up some extra tissue paper, batteries, ice melt. I keep pushing myself to complete everything so I can relax, and while the list gets shorter, little after thoughts make it never ending. This constant going steals the season. The busyness, the stress of getting it all done takes away from what Christmas should be.

There's been no time for gazing at the lit Christmas tree in the dark, for imagining THE silent night, for pondering thoughts like Mary. A few moments in the morning do not satisfy my soul. I need to sit quietly in His presence.

I think of another Mary, resting at Jesus' feet while her sister, Martha, scurried about as I do now. I feel Martha's frustration as I look at my family stretched out across the living room while I whip up party mix. Pangs of jealousy strike as I'm wrapping gifts and my kids are watching movies. I want to sit, to soak in the environment of my home, to cherish the blessing of my family. I want to be Mary. Jesus gently whispers to my weary soul, "Mary has CHOSEN what is better. . ."

Ah. And so will I. My list will be done TODAY, this morning if I can do it. The preparations will be finished. I choose to call it good. No more Martha racing. It's time for Mary adoring.

It's time to celebrate Christmas.

O come let us adore Him.
O come let us adore Him.
O come let us adore Him,
Christ, the Lord.

Photo Credit: Flowery *L*u*z*a*

What do you reveal about yourself in the way you handle criticism?

It was obvious she wasn't there for help. She wouldn't take our suggestions. She got defensive and even a little irritated. Why would a person come to a writing group if they weren't willing to consider how readers interpret the work?

But then I wondered, what do I reveal about myself in the way I take criticism?

When I dismiss it, am I arrogant?
When it crushes me, am I weak?
When I'm ready to take it on, am I belligerent?
When I let it define me, am I a people pleaser?

How can we use criticism in a God-honoring way?

Listen to advice and accept instruction, and in the end you will be wise.

Proverbs 19:20

Amen. Lord, protect our hearts and give us the courage.

Have a Heart

I just woke from a dream that has my heart feeling very heavy.

I dreamt my husband and I had to leave our children in a shelter over night. Apparently we were having a hard time with money and made them sleep there because we thought it would be better for them. The next day as I saw what conditions they were in, I was absolutely sick. The room was dingy and dark. My girls had slept on a hard platform with a bunch of other girls and my boys had sacked out wherever they could find a space. I imagined the older ones comforting the youngest as best they could and looking out for each other. I was horrified at how they must have felt--alone and insignificant and forgotten. Wracked with guilt, I gathered my kids around me and apologized through tears. I told them how sorry I was and how it would never happen again, how I would keep us all together no matter what.

And I woke up.

I think it's God's way of telling me to be compassionate. You see we have in a new chapter in the saga of that stinkin' house. We discovered yesterday our renters have cleared out. No explanation, no money (and they owe us a lot), but TONS of junk and garbage and well, let's just say it truly is a stinkin' house now.

But I'm not mad. I'm not questioning God. I couldn't even bring myself to leave a nasty message on her voicemail--"It looks like you've skipped town on us. . .Wow." (I am a force to be reckoned with, I tell you!) I'm definitely not looking forward to the massive cleaning job ahead and not sure what steps to take past that, but my dream reminds me sometimes people feel forced to make hard choices. Whether it is right or wrong, leaving us in the lurch was a desperate attempt to ease their family's burden. I can't imagine the stress and worry that accompany them every day. Even my eleven-year-old recognized it when he asked, "How could you live like that?" Granted, they have created some of it themselves by poor choices of the past, but realizing that doesn't take away the anxiety.

I'll never figure out God works and I can't come up with any reason why He would have put these people in our path or why He would allow them to do this to us when we have gone out of our way to be patient and merciful with them. But it's okay. God is teaching me to move on without the answers and you know how hard that is for me. Hey, progress! I am confident He is working.

There is one thing I wonder, though. Did I fail? Did I pass? How do you measure your faithfulness to a particular task like this? I have no control over the behavior of others, but I can learn how to make my own behavior more pleasing in His sight. The problem is I never knew God's purpose here. Did I say enough? Did we do the best for them? I tried my hardest to love them without strings and say things that weren't easy to say in hopes of helping them. She seemed to like talking to me, but I doubt she was always telling me the whole truth. It seems nothing was accomplished here. I know, don't say it--only God knows. I may have "planted a seed" and all that. Sigh. It's one more thing I'll have to leave in God's hands.

Tonight, as that helpless feeling I had in my dream lingers, I am compelled to pray for them. They have made a hard choice, perhaps in desperation, perhaps without thought to their actions. It doesn't really matter. What matters is there are three kids dependent on them, three kids needing to feel safe and be fed. Would you offer up a prayer on their behalf as well? We may not see results, but God doesn't ask for results. He asks for action.

Lord Jesus, may this family stumble across You in their running. Block their path until they recognize they can't flee from You. Heal them. Give them hope. Protect those children.

Thank you for your prayers, friends.


Photo Credit: brainsluice

The Moment of Decision

"Every time you make a choice you are turning the central part of you, the part of you that chooses, into something a little different from what it was before... either into a creature that is in harmony with God, ...or into one that is in a state of war with God. Each of us at each moment is progressing to the one state or the other."
~ C.S. Lewis ~
Mere Christianity

I walk in the door and see the muffins sitting on the counter and before I know what I'm doing, I'm popping one into my mouth.

One of my kids frustrates me and without thinking, I react in anger.

Engrossed in conversation, I utter the first thing that comes to mind without following the thought through in my head first.

I'm not a completely undisciplined person, but I swear I lose my head sometimes. Why don't I recognize I have a choice and exercise it before I do something stupid? Satan has distracted me. Instead of stopping to contemplate my next move, I do what comes naturally in my human self. It almost feels out of my control. How can I combat this?

One way. I don't pray to make good choices. He has already equipped me to to do this. I have to see the moment the choice presents itself. I pray God will help me recognize the moment of decision, the instant I realize I decide if I'll be in harmony with God or at war with Him.

Lord, give us eyes to see the moment of decision. Show us where we have a choice and give us the courage to make the right one.



Thanks to Christine at Fruit in Season for hosting this week.