Leaning

I lean into her chair.

On those days I feel emotional, inadequate, tired, I lean into her chair, gaining strength from her presence. Sometimes she'll pat my hand, my arm, my thigh, but mostly she just sits there letting me invade her space. Though nothing is said, I find assurance and comfort being near a friend who knows me well.

I do it with my husband too. When I'm anxious or uncertain or insecure, I'll lean into him, soaking in his unspoken acceptance and love. No matter how weak I feel, I know where I stand with him. I know he's on my team, faithful, strong, consistent.

But sometimes the chair next to me is empty.


Sometimes I feel alone in a room full of people, my real self cowering within as I listen. I'm not sure those present would give me the benefit of the doubt, would give the grace or mercy I long for when the day's been long or the night too short and my own strength wanes. And I can't overlook the fact that sometimes you have to do things by yourself. What about those days? When the people who give me comfort are not near and I find myself alone, then where do I lean? How can I find the oomph to carry on with no person who believes the best nearby?

Is it possible to lean into God? It sounds weird, really, the idea of leaning into a Presence you cannot see. How do I learn to lean into Him?

Cause me to hear Your loving-kindness in the morning, for on You do I lean and in You do I trust. Cause me to know the way wherein I should walk, for I lift up my inner self to You.

Psalm 143:8 (AMP)

I hear His loving-kindness? How? Do I saturate myself with His Word? Do I listen to Truth in song and watch for His goodness and rest in what I know to be true? Do I lay my concerns before Him and cry it out and wait patiently? Will this bring the same peace I feel leaning into a person I love? Will it make my spirit sigh and my breathing slow? Will it usher in calm?

I say yes. And so on the days I find no one to lean into, on the days the task seems scary and my stomach churns, I will lean into Him. I will believe He loves and accepts me. I will be still and know that He is God. I will remember in quietness and trust is my strength. I will search for gratitude when I don't understand and recite His Word when anxiety swells. I will know He never leaves me.

I will lean into Him.

And He will be there.

How do YOU lean into God?



Photo Credit: ana branca

Who Am I Supposed to Be?

I was a shy little girl, one who made my little sister buy our lunch tickets because I was too chicken to talk to the school secretary, the adolescent who ducked into the next aisle to avoid talking to my friends' parents, the young woman who stressed about speaking to customers in my first job as a grocery store clerk.

And now as an adult, God has placed me in a very public position. I regularly reveal my thoughts and weaknesses as a Bible study leader. I open myself up BIG TIME on this blog. Many Sundays I stand before hundreds of people on my church's worship team, on display, exposed, left wondering if I measure up, feeling as small as I did in my little girl days. When I close my eyes to praise God and shut out the crowd, I ask Him what I'm supposed to be. How am I to handle the attention that comes my way? I ask what He sees in me that very moment, vulnerable to the eyes of so many.

He says I am the shy little girl others have never known, the woman spending many hours alone, persistently banging out words on a computer, or studying for the next lesson. I am intimate moments with friends, sleepless nights, struggles with my kids, tears and joy and pain. I am my failures, my battles, my soft spots, my improvements, my every effort. Though my fellow congregants see only my best attempts to look nice on a Sunday morning, God looks past my public persona. He sees ALL of me, who I really am.

Somehow that takes the pressure off. I don't have to be any more on a Sunday morning than I am right now, alone in my office typing away. Who I am is not dependent on the impressions others have of me. Their view is very small. God's is all-encompassing. The person I'm supposed to be is everything I've ever been, following God's leading each day.

Does thinking of it this way take the pressure off of you? Does it empower you as it does me? How does it affect your view of yourself?

The Best Way to Hide

As a child I was good at hiding, both in the physical sense and emotionally. Along with any quiet kid comes an ability to retreat into themselves and I took advantage of mine. It was super easy to sit in a crowded room and watch without getting involved. Nobody worried about what I thought. No one gave it a consideration. I learned a lot about human behavior and body language and communication. Taking in so much and keeping it secret felt powerful. All my impressions were mine alone. I had no reason to fear criticism or judgment.

But time changed me. College professors encouraged expressions of opinion. My work as a teacher put me front and center with a responsibility to release my inner assessments. I married a man in ministry, thrusting our family into the public eye on a regular basis. I helped with a Bible study and found when I admitted to personal thoughts and emotions, even the ugly ones, others related and found comfort. Slowly I emerged, embracing each change as part of growing up, as a step in making me who God had in mind.

But there are days I miss those hiding years, the years as a child when no one knew what ideas ran through my head and no expectations were placed on me because of them. Being stuck at home sick last week brought back the comfort of hiding and made me wonder what God expects of me. Am I to follow my natural instinct to hide or accept where God placed me and allow myself to be out there?

You are the light of the world. A town built on a hill cannot be hidden. Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven.

Matthew 5:14-16

Doesn't sound like much room for hiding there, huh? Yet I know He's designed me as an introvert. This doesn't get me off the hook from shining His light, but how can I stay true to His creation in me yet faithful to the call He's placed on my life?

I do all my hiding in Him.

How abundant are the good things that you have stored up for those who fear you, that you bestow in the sight of all, on those who take refuge in you.
In the shelter of your presence you hide them from all human intrigues; you keep them safe in your dwelling from accusing tongues.

Psalm 31:19-20

When I want to escape, I don't run for the privacy of my mind, I run to His presence.

Are you like me? Do you have days you yearn to hide? Call out to Him. Immerse yourself in prayer. Put yourself in His presence. Ignore the expectations around you and focus on One thing.

Find the best way to hide.



Photo Credit: Susan NYC

You Can Always Come Home

You can always come home.

"We don't care what you do or what kind of trouble you get into," my parents said, "You can always come home."

Did their open door make me wild? Did I do whatever I wanted without regard for the consequences? Did I make bad decisions because it didn't matter what I did? Not at all. I wanted to make them proud. I did what I could to warrant their trust. I figured if they thought me worthy no matter what, I must have it in me to do what was right.

I didn't know at the time the foundation my parents laid. In a few simple words, they communicated my worth, their unconditional love, and wonderful security. They impacted not only my relationship with them, but my relationship with God, for He offers us the same peace of mind.

“Won’t the awareness God loves us no matter what lead to spiritual laziness and moral laxity? Theoretically, this seems a reasonable fear, but in reality the opposite is true…the more rooted we are in the love of God, the more generously we will live our faith.”

Brennan Manning
Lion and Lamb

My parents' love motivated me to be better, just like God's love. When I truly understand how He loves me, I want to make Him proud. I want to return His affection. His grace does not cause me to run amok. It inspires me to be all I can.

You can always come home.

Have you wandered from God's path? Have you gotten in some trouble? Are you ashamed of what you've done? Don't continually beat yourself up about it. Don't be afraid. Follow the example of the Prodigal Son. Return to the Lord and see how much He loves you.

Isn't that why Jesus came, so we could always come home?


In "Other" Words is hosted today by Patricia at Typing One-Handed. Pop over and see what others have to say about God's great love.

Have a great Tuesday, friends and never ever forget.

You can always come home.



Photo Credit: Eloise Mason

In This Moment

My husband drops into bed with a sigh. Everyone is worried about money these days and our family is no different.

I snuggle in close. In the quiet of the night, the tasks of the day completed, the warmth of my true love next to me, I ask him.

In this moment, does it matter?

If we concentrate on the good, the beautiful, the eternal, can we silence the anxiety?

I think of my wonderful mother, whose birthday is today (HAPPY BIRTHDAY MOM! I LOVE YOU!), and in my quiet reflection of the consistent blessing she is, in this moment, my empty wallet means nothing.

Watching my family banter back and forth at the dinner table, in wonder of the way God is shaping my kids, in this moment, who cares what my bank account registers?

I sing praise to God on a Sunday morning, flanked by some of my favorite people, the voices of hundreds filling the room in one purpose. The presence of God overwhelms me and a tear slips out, not because I fear my economic future, but because I know in this moment God holds me in the palm of His hand.

The baby reaches for me, his chubby hands brushing my cheek, his wiry hair just begging to be rubbed and in this moment, in God's beauty flowing out of this precious child, the world seems simple and right. All I feel is great gratitude for God's goodness, not concern over providing for the future.

At the end of a long day, exhausted and spent, I fall into an oversized chair with my husband, our limbs tangled comfortably. He laughs at my stupid comments about the t.v. show we're watching and the cares of the day float away. In this moment I don't worry about how to pay for the rising costs of a growing family. I see His faithfulness before me.

Do money stresses wear you down? Do you worry about how you'll pay for upcoming bills? Do dollar signs flash in your weary mind? Don't go there. Live now. Live here, in the middle of your blessings.

In this moment.

Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

Matthew 6:34

Photo Credit: The Wandering Angel

A Prescription for Confidence

It was a lovely scene, my nine-year-old niece (let's call her Sweet Cheeks) getting a phone call from her dad. She talked to him easily, answering his questions and relating her day, then hung up with a smile.

Me: Your dad must miss you.

Sweet Cheeks: Yeah, he probably does. He loves me very much. I'm his favorite kid. (She has three older brothers.)

Me: How can you tell?

Sweet Cheeks: He just loves talking to me and loves me very, very much.

She wasn't bragging or showing off, but said it very matter-of-factly as if everyone knew it to be true. I marveled at the confidence in a nine-year-old girl certain her daddy loved her. What a gift he's given her, one that will no doubt influence her entire life.

And I wondered. Can a little girl who hasn't had that kind of relationship with her father find it in a heavenly One? Is it possible for little girls with broken hearts and damaged lives to find confidence and security in a Father they cannot see or touch?

My niece has grown up talking with her dad, hearing his words and believing them. Can we cultivate the same kind of relationship with our heavenly Father by following her example? If I talk with God often and believe what He says as truth, can I share her stability?

Is confidence and security the byproduct of an active prayer life and faith in God's Word?

Scripture would say yes.

He sent forth his word and healed them. . .

Psalm 107:20

Our hurts can be healed by His Word, but only if we believe it. I can't say I had the same confidence as my niece when I was nine or even twenty-nine, but it's getting better. The more I talk with my Father and believe His Word (is this where we falter, in our inability to believe?), the greater sense of security I carry with me. Maybe by the time I'm forty-nine I'll have a handle on it.

So here's to knowing we are loved very, very much by our heavenly Father and a few verses to practice believing.

The Lord is close to the broken-hearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.

Psalm 34:18

. . . I have loved you with an everlasting love; I have drawn you with loving-kindness.

Jeremiah 31:3

Talk to Him. Believe Him. Let yourself bloom.