When I realized the latest guy I had fallen for was only being nice, I fell to my dorm room floor and cried for what seemed like forever. God had a way of slamming the door in my face when it came to men. I had always been afraid I would not find "true love." My experiences with the opposite sex fueled that fear. "Why, Lord," I asked, "I do it Your way. I only fall for the ones who love You. Why do You keep saying no? Will it ever be my turn?"
What if that's not what I want for you? Are you willing to accept that?"But Your word says, 'Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart.' You promised."
Do you love Me enough to give up that dream?More tears. Lots and lots of tears.
"What choice do I have, Lord? How can I get along without You?"
Then trust Me.I nearly cried myself to sleep on that hard floor, too weary to fight Him anymore. I reasoned with myself that if He created me, His plan would bring me the greatest happiness, whether it fit my dreams or not.
"Okay, Lord, You win. I give up. If You want me to be single, I'll be single."
A month later my future husband, who I had known for years, knocked on my door unexpectedly. The rest, as they say, is history.

Except that over twenty years later I sit again, not able to sleep, wondering what God is asking of me now. The desire is so similar--a certainty that God can do the impossible despite my feelings of insignificance, yet a continual slamming of the door as I get my hopes up. "What are we doing here, Lord?"
Be faithful to what I have given you."I'm trying to, Lord, and working hard to press on and be patient."
Then trust Me."I do, I really do. I just get distracted by the people around me and Satan dogs me at every turn. He really does a number on me sometimes, making me believe all sorts of things, confusing me until I'm not sure what to do anymore."
Trust God from the bottom of your heart; don't try to figure out everything on your own. Listen for God's voice in everything you do, everywhere you go; he's the one who will keep you on track.Just like last time, I'm not sure I can really give it up, but I recognize I have no choice. His plan is perfect. Right thinking, correct action is made one choice at a time, so for today I choose to trust Him. I will give Him my desire to be used for His purposes, in His timing, not my own. I'll make the choice again tomorrow and the next day and the one after that until one day, the fulfillment of that desire may unexpectedly knock on my door.
And if it never does?
Have I really wasted my time trusting God? Have I missed anything by walking with Him, basking in His presence? No. I may feel disappointed, but I can take heart that this world is temporary and the one to come will bring something much better.
Press on, my friends. Waiting on God is win-win.
Photo:
mayr