For My Other Mom and Dad

His fingers are so thick, he would have trouble hitting one key at a time on the piano. Hers are petite, requiring a size 3 ring for her pinkie and perfectly manicured. Their hands are evidence of the striking contrasts between them and yet they've been entwined for 50 years today.

50 years. A lifetime.

My husband's parents celebrate their 50th wedding anniversary today. Fifty years of knowing who would greet them at the end of a long day. Fifty years of gritting their teeth and pushing through. Fifty years of having someone in their corner. Fifty years of putting someone else's needs ahead of their own. Fifty years of tense moments in hospital waiting rooms and pinching pennies and waiting on each other. Fifty years of a constant, comforting presence in bed each night.

It is a milestone and a blessing, not only for them, but for those who know and love them. We are the better for their example, for making it look easy even when it wasn't. They are a lamp post saying, "Yes, it can be done. Things can get better. There is reward for a life lived right." So we celebrate with them. We raise our glasses high and say "Cheers!" And we bow low in humble gratitude for the God who made it all happen.

Happy Anniversary, Mom and Dad. Thank you for your tremendous example. You impact the lives of many, many people and have enriched mine in countless ways. You are truly special people. I am proud and honored to call you my family. May God bless us all with many more years of your union. I love you.


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Learning to Fight

Hormones kick in and my resistance is low. I entertain thoughts from the Enemy.

"You aren't what you should be. It doesn't matter what you do. Nobody cares."

I brood and mumble under my breath and do my best to push through, but do I fight? Do I claim my birth right in God's name and stand tall or do I cower, just getting by?

"Under the banner of God, victory is always assured; but apart from it, defeat is a certainty. When the banner of God's rod was not held high, Amalek prevailed.
You can't do battle against the flesh under your own power."

~ Kay Arthur ~
Lord, I Want to Know

Could I fight merely by uttering His name?


Visit Loni for more thoughts on this quote.

On the Way to Us

We would walk into Village Inn laughing so hard, people would turn to look. Then we'd get a piece of French silk pie and talk for hours about life and how God works. He listened. He talked. He laughed. He made me comfortable. He thought what I had to say was important and funny.

We were content to spend an evening making cookies and talking until very, very late, which made his grandma think I was a hussy. I PROMISE we were only talking until 3:AM! Laughter and conversation has always been the hallmark of our relationship. We have always been friends first.

But he was a romantic too, sending me mushy cards and taking me on long walks in the moonlight. We often ended up at the huge stained glass window on campus, a picture of Jesus knocking on the door. We would sit on the lawn outside of it and dream together, discussing where God might be taking each of us and our desires to use our gifts for His service. We recognized a divine touch in each other and pointed out the strengths we saw, even the ones that may separate us, as his did for a while.

I realize now this is what attracted me most to my husband. God and His call has always been more important to him than me. I haven't always appreciated that. I mean, c'mon, shouldn't I be the world to him?! But I understand a man learns to be a good husband by looking to the best example, not by doting on his wife. An ordinary man becomes an extraordinary husband by hitching his trailer to the One who loves perfectly. I am blessed because I am not his first love. His first love enables him to love me better.

The first time she met him, my grandma told me, "That Kevin is a nice, young fellow. You set your cap toward him!" She was right. He is a nice, young fellow, but most importantly, he is a man who strives to follow his Lord. I may not always like what that means for me, but in the long run it has proven to be a huge gift.


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A Prayer

Lord, I feel weary, not tired, weary. My head is spinning with everything that needs to be done. There are phone calls I should make and a living room to paint and a birthday party to plan and laundry to do and appointments to be set up and an open house to get ready for and a script to finish and homework to help with and Bible study preparations and blog posts to work on and a family to feed and cleaning and. . .why is my spirit so uneasy this morning? It is still and quiet. I even got up extra early today, but the stillness does not soothe me. I need Your peace.

He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not faint.

Keep talking, Lord.

Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.

That's what I'm trying to do, Lord.

. . .let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. Let us fix our eyes on Jesus. . .

Okay. . .I'm listening.

So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. For I am the Lord, your God, who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, Do not fear; I will help you.

Mmm. . .thank You, Lord. One thing at a time. Guide me through this day. I love You.


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There's No Place Like Home

Ten minutes into the parents' meeting, I started getting a headache. They were throwing out more dates than I cared to think about, passing around sign up sheets, discussing competitions and parties and future plans and my stomach churned. "Here we go again," I thought, realizing the rat race had officially begun and this was only one of many activities our family is involved in. In that very night, four of us were pulled in three different directions and I knew the juggling act was only beginning. OY! Though I didn't feel quite ready to jump on the merry-go-round, I put my name on a few sheets. It's the right thing to do whether I feel like it or not. Then I left in a surly mood.

Pulling out of the parking lot, I clicked off the radio so I could sulk in peace. The sun was setting and the western sky was bathed in purple (and you know how I LOVE purple). It felt like God saying, "Breathe, Tam, breathe. One day at a time." For a brief moment I was still, but it didn't last nearly long enough.

I got home and needed to do some laundry, get a few kids ready for bed and clean up the kitchen I hadn't quite finished before running off to the meeting. I felt a little punchy when I finally sat down next to my husband.

"How was the meeting?" he asked.

I rolled my eyes, sighed and said, "All I want to do is make out with my husband and forget about everything."

But suddenly it occurred to me God was right there again. He provided this home, this reprieve from the world, not necessarily escape from the busyness and craziness, as it gets pretty crazy at our house some days, but relief from expectations and being anything other than me. And I get to live here. Everyday. I know every morning I can sit quietly in God's presence and be refreshed for the day. I know He will give me the shot in the arm I need to get through the busiest weeks. No matter how hectic the days become, I know at the end of each one I can crash on the couch next to a really good guy and be who I am, happy or grouchy, tired or talkative. God has given me a sanctuary in my home and THAT is reason to breathe deeply and relax. Aaaahhhhh. . .


Photo Credit: Timmy =D

A Blogging Award

Over two weeks ago I was pleasantly surprised by my blogging buddy from "across the pond", MiPa, who awarded me the thoughtful blogger award. This award is to recognize people who are encouraging in both their blogs and their comments to others. (For the official rules regarding these awards, click here). This was truly special to me because of MiPa's kind words (see her post entitled "Thank you" from August 6, 2007), but also because of my respect for her. She thinks deeply about life and looks for Christ in her every day. So thank you, my friend. I am touched.

The rules specify that you are to share the bloggy love with five others you feel deserve to be recognized. This part was fun for me. I have found some friends in this strange little blog world and am happy to have a reason to point you their way.

E-mom is one of the most thoughtful bloggers around. She includes a variety of topics and resources on Chrysalis and must spend 90% of her time reading. She is one well-informed woman! One of the best things about her is that if you leave a comment on her blog, she always responds back to you. She also thinks through the comments she leaves on the blogs of others, making a word from her a treat.

I've found a kindred spirit in Dianne. I admire how she has disabled the comment section on her blog, Unfinished Work. She is apparently much more secure in herself than I! She is quick to praise others, however, and often leaves comments that enhance what has already been said. If you check out her blog (and I certainly hope you do) you can leave a good word for her by clicking the e-mail link.

Victoria always encourages me. Her blog, Light for the Writer's Soul, is just what the doctor ordered on most days, nudging me to keep going in this work I feel called to. Whenever I have left a comment on her site, she has always visited mine and left kind words. If you are a writer or someone with writing aspirations, put her on your list of daily visits. You won't be disappointed.

If you want to be challenged in your thought process, you've got to check out Seek First His Kingdom. Rachelle's blog gives us a glimpse into her pretty little head which I personally find refreshingly honest. She never tells you what to think, but throws ideas out there for you to mull over. As a professional editor and writer she often shares valuable information regarding writing as well. Rachelle's comments on my blog pack a lot of punch with me. They are never generic, but always add to the discussion at hand.

Though I'm not sure why, I have found a big fan in Hopeful Spirit. She boosts my ego considerably by leaving comments containing words like "brilliant". She is very unselfish in On the Horizon, frequently providing links like this one to the blogs of other writers. I appreciate her candor, her willingness to be vulnerable and the courage she displays when saying things which may not be popular. She inspires me with her seeking nature.

And there you have it. I sincerely hope you check out these great blogs and meet some new friends.

Changing. . .Again

I am a wussy, wimp head.

My kids started school today.

And I am full of mixed emotions.

This year brings lots of uncharted territory for my family. I have one kid starting high school, one starting middle school and one who will be alone in the elementary for the first time. But the hardest pill to swallow is my oldest is a senior. We'll be navigating through college visits and scholarship applications and senior pictures and ACT tests and financial aid reports. The year this kid started kindergarten I went through two weeks of feeling like my heart would break because it was the first step of letting him go. Now, we reach a new milestone, a big one, getting him ready to leave and start his own life apart from us. I already got a little weepy hearing Mark Harris' song. . ."let my love give you roots and help you find your wings." It could be a tough year ahead.

I'm not crazy about change, and yet it's the only constant in my life. Sheesh, God, what kind of ironic genius is that?! Why, o why, Lord, must everything keep changing? Sometimes my heart just can't take it. But God reminds me this day I don't navigate and adjust alone. We take one day at a time. He will guide me, comfort me and breathe His peace into my otherwise wimpy self.

And He touches my soul with beautiful words, making me confident all will be well. I can't help but share them with you today. May they soothe you as well.

Hear, O Lord, and answer me, for I am poor and needy.
Guard my life, for I am devoted to you.
You are my God; save your servant who trusts in you.
Have mercy on me, O Lord, for I call to you all day long.
Bring joy to your servant, for to you, O Lord, I lift up my soul.
You are forgiving and good, O Lord, abounding in love to all who call to you.
Hear my prayer, O Lord; listen to my cry for mercy.
In the day of my trouble I will call to you, for you will answer me. . .
For you are great and do marvelous deeds; you alone are God.
Teach me your way, O Lord, and I will walk in your truth; give me an undivided heart, that I may fear your name.
I will praise you, O Lord my God, with all my heart; I will glorify your name forever.
For great is your love toward me. . .
you, O Lord, are a compassionate and gracious God, slow to anger, abounding in love and faithfulness.
Turn to me and have mercy on me; grant your strength to your servant. .
Psalm 86.

Mmmmm. . .okay, Lord, I can get through today. Thank You.


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Blessed Be His Name

"Blessed Be Your name
When I'm found in the desert place
Though I walk through the wilderness
Blessed Be Your name..."
~ Matt Redman ~
Lyrics from "Blessed be Your Name"

I could barely get the words out through my tears. That first Sunday after my world had been shaken was almost more than I could take. Here I was, standing in front of a room of people, feeling so unworthy, wondering how many knew what I had done, how stupid I had been.

I had already been walking through the wilderness of grief when it happened and this felt like someone had taken my canteen and knapsack, leaving me completely exposed. It seemed like too much, more than I could bear. Yet I remembered praying for God to make me humble and knew this was His answer. So I forced myself to sing. He deserved it. He is blessed and holy and just. He is in control.

Now, many, many Sundays later, too many to count, I've finally cleared the desert. I still don't understand. I'm still not certain what I was supposed to learn. I can't come close to explaining it, but I know I am changed. And that is cause to celebrate. So today I sing, not through tears, but with robust,

"Blessed Be Your name
When I'm found in the desert place
Though I walk through the wilderness
Blessed Be Your name..."

He is God in the good AND the bad. He is God in our understanding or lack thereof. Worshipping Him is always the right answer. Praising Him in everything will sustain us. Press on, my friends, and keep singin', even if you do it through tears.

I will praise you, O Lord my God, with all my heart; I will glorify your name forever.
Psalm 86:12


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In Sickness and in Health

He didn't even ask how I was feeling. He got up, took a shower and was gone. When the door shut I wanted to throw something at it, hoping he'd hear it and come running back in. But I didn't. I shoved the anger down letting self-pity replace it. How could he leave me with the kids when he knew I'd been sick? I'd never expect him to take care of little ones when he was feeling lousy. Even with me running a fever the extent of his sympathy was "maybe you should go to the doctor." I knew it was an especially busy week for him. I understood a lot of people were counting on him to get the job done. I knew how his mind worked one thing at a time. I knew if I made an issue of it, his stress level would only rise. He didn't need one more thing to worry about. He didn't have time for it.

But the worst of it is I never told him. He never knew how I felt. I let him do what he had to do, did what I could, and stuffed the resentment.

About six months later, a minor conflict became a major explosion and guess what came spewing forth? The guy didn't know what hit him! When the emotion subsided, real communication took place.

"Why didn't you say anything?" he asked.

"I didn't think I should have to. Besides, you couldn't really take off work that week."

"Maybe, maybe not, but you never gave me a chance."

Dang. He was right. We gave our apologies and learned two very important lessons.

For him, ask, even if she looks fine.

For me, don't assume anything and COMMUNICATE!!

I still have a hard time telling him when I'm angry with him. I'm working on it though, and I've made an important discovery. Every time I tell him things that are hard for me to spit out, he always responds in a positive way. I'm forcing myself to say something when I start to feel resentment creeping in. At the very least I've learned to huff up the attitude so there's no question I'm upset. He, on the other hand, is doing MUCH better than I (gotta admit that chaps my hide a little, but then again I am the recipient so I don't really lose). Since my dad became very ill and eventually died nearly two years ago, I don't think a day has gone by without him asking me, "You okay?"

Yep. We're okay and we're learning. Thank You, Lord.


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A Long Walk

Discouragement set in and she dug in her heels, determined to push through. Unable to shake it, she decided a long walk was in order. Taking advantage of her aloneness, she muttered all her questions aloud to God until she found herself regurgitating the same things over and over. Having no more to say, she listened, but heard nothing, so she kept walking and walking and walking, waiting for something, anything to address her conflicting emotions.

There were cats on porches, beautifully manicured lawns and dogs making their presence known. She heard the birds and noticed squirrels scurrying through trees. As her feet crunched over wilted leaves and gravel, it occurred to her.

Humans are the only element of creation that questions God.

Grass doesn't ask why it is green. Cats don't look for the meaning of hairballs. Mosquitoes don't wonder what their purpose is. Dirt doesn't ask God to make it more exciting.

Then she remembered the other unique quality of humans. They are created in the image of God. Does that mean He has a hard time understanding too? Suddenly God spoke.

Why don't you trust Me?
Why must you understand everything?
When will you realize there is more to My plan than you?
What more must I do to demonstrate my love for you?

And she fell silent.

"You asked,'Who is this that obscures my counsel without knowledge?'
Surely I spoke of things I did not understand, things too wonderful for me to know." -- Job 42:3



Photo Credit: ibeatty

Still

He still holds my hand.

He still laughs at the stupid things I say.

His clothes still can't find the hamper.

He still asks for my opinion.

I still can't listen to him eat cereal.

He still smiles when I enter a room.

Having our conversations interrupted by the kids still annoys him.

He still tells me I think too much.

He still listens as I think out loud.

Laundry is still a mystery to him.

Each day still brings "I love you"s.

He still won't eat seafood or Chinese.

We still go to Red Lobster for my birthday.

His tender kisses still send shivers through me, making me catch my breath.

I am still in love.

Happy Anniversary, honey. I still love being married to you.




For more Thankful Thursday posts, visit Sting My Heart.

Thank you, Kara, for the picture!

My Girls

We've spent nearly every Monday night together for years. There have been countless "porch times" where we've shared "the juice." We've put each other to the mat and revealed dark secrets. We've laughed. We've cried. We've prayed, sometimes not even knowing what to say. We've sent each other to God's Word, counseled when asked and consoled when necessary. We've lunched, sent the guys on ice cream runs and had plenty of cappuccino and chai (Christmas in your mouth). We've boogied the night away, talked until very late and thoroughly enjoyed each other. We have truly loved.

It has been my incredible privilege to watch them. I've seen their beauty. I've delighted in their candor and spunk and need for authenticity. I've seen them discover God can get them through trials even when it isn't easy or rather, especially when it isn't easy. I've seen them push through the tough stuff and persevere. I've prayed for them, worried about them, hugged them and wanted to slap them at times. I've seen them blossom and grow and "bloop" (my way of saying they've finally let their true selves pop out).

They've taught me love means saying some hard things sometimes. I've learned being hip isn't important, but being available and consistent are. They've loved me for who I am, not who I'm supposed to be. In their presence I feel so me, so valued.

And now life dictates they move on, each to discover God's plans for themselves, each finding their next step, each being better for having known one another. It is bittersweet. While I can't wait to see what they become, I am sad to see them go. We've had an awesome run.

I will miss you, my friends, but am so excited to see what God has in store for you. You are special, special women and my heart will always hold a special fondness for you. I love you, girls.

Dead Giveaway

His head comes up to my eyeballs. I tell him in another year he could be taller than me which is no small thing since I'm 5'8" and he's only 11. He's never been one to tell me exactly what's on his mind and as adolescence approaches I fear I will get less and less. He enters middle school this fall and it saddens me to think in the next few years he will figure things out his own way. He may not need me as much. His friends will soon be more exciting than his mother.

Yet he still wanders into the kitchen giving me a "Hey, Mom." He looks like he wants to ask me something as he sidles up close and I get the picture. I grab him in a big hug and though he tries to hide it, I see the smile. I feel his arms take hold and he lingers. The next few years may bring big changes for us and he will not be my "little" boy for long, but his smile tells me volumes. I think we'll make it through these upcoming, sometimes tumultuous teen years. The kid's got a soft spot for his mom. Thank You, Lord.



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