FAR from Perfect and Used Anyway

Because I am loved by God, I can confess my flaws – laziness, grouchiness, self-doubt- and trust God to keep on transforming me. I no longer need to appear perfect to friends, family, and anyone who attends my high-school reunion.”
~Jan Johnson~

Oh boy. This is one of those quotes that makes me squirm a little.

I don't have trouble confessing my flaws to God. Not at all. I know who I am. And who I'm not. I learned a long time ago that without His intervention, my weaknesses will not go away. I need Him to make me better.

But I can't say in doing so that I lose my desire to look good to others. Heaven forbid anyone think bad of me. (See? Another flaw!) Does this mean I don't fully grasp how God loves me? Do I not understand His unique call on my life? Do I miss His every day workings, blinded by my own pursuit to be good in others' eyes?

I could miss the mark and stay stuck in self-centeredness, but God, in His loving, transforming power shows me time and time again it's okay to be me, flaws and all. There's a weird feeling of relief when I acknowledge my faults, releasing the pressure to be perfect. I suppose this is why I blog. It's my way of saying, "See? I'm not all that and God still loves me. God still shows me His goodness." I find when I openly talk about my shortcomings here, people relate. God uses me more when I admit to the whole world I am not perfect. God uses my failures, my mistakes, my flaws to display His power to overcome.

So I shouldn't be afraid to let others see the real me. For when they see me, they see the work God is doing and has done. When I let truly expose the real me, I show God's transforming work too.

What a picture of love, to take my weaknesses and use them for His good. God can be trusted to make the best of us and bring others closer to Him as He does it. Amazing.

Join this week's host, Deborah, at Chocolate and Coffee for more thoughts on this quote.

To Be More Like Mary

When God asked her to do the unthinkable, Mary asked a logistical question, then said, "I am Your servant."

She lived through the gossip, the scorn, the humiliation, the doubt and did what God asked, fulfilling His call. Literally seeing the fruit of her labor and receiving confirmation from others, she looked at how God used her sacrifice and pondered. No questions. No explanations. No words at all.

Only pondering.

She let God have His way, treasuring it in her heart.

How I want to be more like her. God asks me to do something hard and I beg for help. I look to others for validation. I worry my sacrifice is not good enough. Instead I should be a servant and do the work. I should watch for how God uses it.

And ponder.



Photo Credit: Sunfrog1

7 Quick Takes (Volume 96)

1) Happy Birthday to Miss Innocent One!


She turns 12 today. She was 21 inches long when she was born. All wrapped in a pink blanket, Kevin thought she looked like a hot dog. He never lived it down when he uttered it in church one day.

But she's the sweetest hot dog ever. We're so proud of you, babe! WE LOVE YOU!

2) Miss Innocent One celebrated her birthday with her friends last weekend because this weekend my brother gets married. We'll spend her birthday at the rehearsal dinner. We've been telling her this one will be extra special because she'll spend it with our whole family and get an aunt for her birthday!

And speaking of her celebration with friends. When did I get so old that recovering from a slumber party takes me at least a week?! I've been walking in a fog since Sunday.

Note to self: You're not as young as you used to be. GUARD YOUR BEAUTY REST!

3) Drama Queen is growing up before my very eyes. She got a new job a few weeks before school started and has been putting in lots of hours, but LOVES it. She leaves the house for work all dressed up and professional looking. She keeps up with her homework. She even sang the national anthem at a softball game last night saying, "I'm a senior. I figure it's time I stepped up."

Look out, world. This girl's ready to take you on and will shine bright. It's just too bad she has to leave my house to do it. I love you, babe. You amaze me.

4) We attended the UNL Marching Band Exhibition last Friday night. Drummer Boy made the drum line again and is thrilled to be back at it with his buddies. This will give you an idea of the size of this band. I think I counted twenty tubas. TWENTY! If you add in the flag corp and twirlers I believe the group is around 300 strong!


The drum line has a solo in the pregame show. Drummer Boy is the snare player on the right end.


At one point they jam a little.


Here's a close up of him in action.


Congratulations, Drummer Boy. Watching you in the band is pure joy.

5) Just as I suspected, the "wiggle" in my ice maker came back to haunt me. The freezer door wasn't shutting right and one morning I got up to a half-thawed mess. So I dismantled the whole smack again, and this time fixed the problem. One piece which was supposed to slip INSIDE the container I had attached outside.

Now all is well in Boesiger Iceland. Life may continue. Aren't you relieved?

6) Ladies Man is enjoying high school. One day I went to pick him up and he was "hanging" in a friend's car talking. Yesterday a girl who's a junior called out, "Bye, ultra friend." He's asked to have the trombone players over next week. (Apparently like instruments need to bond.) And so far the Homework Nazi hasn't had to come out. Let's pray he's staying on top of things.

It's SO satisfying to see him transition smoothly. When he was a child we had WAY too many days I wondered how he'd ever make it in life being fearful of new situations. God has taught him to put himself out there and I just sit back in wonder.

Pushing yourself was worth it, wasn't it Ladies Man? We are thrilled with how far you've come.

7) I'm still going through some withdrawal since Drummer Boy moved out, but always get a kick out of his e-mails. Somehow the guy captures himself in his words. I got one last night whose subject line read "SHTUFF." He started it out like this:

Moooommmmm,

I can totally hear him saying it (and so can any of you who know him, right?!). It takes so little to warm my heart.

I am a blessed, grateful, overcome mother. God is so good to me with my children.

And now the mush fest must end. Enjoy your weekend and read some other Quick Takes at Conversion Diary.

A Picture of Beauty

I watch her and feel out of my league.

The light behind her illuminates hair perfectly framing her face. Her eyes thoughtful and penetrating confirm she's hearing me. When she speaks, wisdom and confidence and compassion flow out. The lines that form around her mouth and the crinkles at her eyes when she laughs make me love her even more for her depth and character. Being in her presence alone makes everything better.

This is beauty.

To think.
To ask.
To listen.
To be genuine.
To risk giving an opinion.
To be tender.
To encourage.
To be open.
To be an individual.
To obey.
To be vulnerable.
To speak truth.
To love.

If it's true that no man is poor who has a friend, I am a billionaire. The stunning women I call my friends enrich and soothe my soul. They make me better.

I am in awe of their beauty, captured by their lovely spirits, blessed beyond measure.

How I love and treasure you, my friends.

When the Task Seems Beyond You

The Lord Himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.

Deuteronomy 31:8

You can do it. You are not alone.



Photo Credit: cosmic_spanner

Littleness vs. Consecration

Consecrate: dedicate formally to a religious or divine purpose

“The littleness of Christians of this age results from the littleness of their consecration to Christ.”

~C. H. Spurgeon
Samson Conquered
a sermon from November 21, 1858

Do I live as a little Christian or a consecrated one? Am I small or dedicated?


Littleness is easily annoyed.
Consecration lets it go.

Littleness finds reasons to complain.
Consecration finds the good.

Littleness loses patience.
Consecration knows how to wait.

Littleness wants its own way.
Consecration thinks of others first.

Littleness harbors resentment.
Consecration forgives.

Littleness notices slights.
Consecration overlooks them.

Littleness is critical.
Consecration is loving.

Littleness is myopic.
Consecration dreams big.

Littleness reacts.
Consecration rests.

Sigh. I have work to do. How can I be consecrated? How can I grow up? What steps must I take to be more dedicated?

Rather, clothe yourselves with the Lord Jesus Christ, and do not think about how to gratify the desires of the sinful nature.

Romans 13:14

Consecration seeks.
I seek you with all my heart; do not let me stray from your commands. Psalm 119:10

Consecration finds.
You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. Jeremiah 29:13

Consecration clings.
My soul clings to you; your right hand upholds me. Psalm 63:8


The antidote to my littleness is nothing more than holding tight to God.


Join my friend MiPa at Miriam Pauline's Monologue for more thoughts on this quote.



Photo Credits: higetiger, urtica

Adventures with the Ice Maker

Ladies Man got some ice and brought me a cup full of yuck. Chunks of brown and black resided with the cubes. There was even some tiny pieces of paper.

Me: What in the world is that?!

Ladies Man: It came out of the ice maker.

Being the ever sleuthful mother, I took a sniff.

Me: It smells like peanut butter.

Suddenly Drama Queen had a confession.

Drama Queen: That's my fault. The Boyfriend and I were eating Reese's Peanut Butter Cups and put one on the ice to harden up. We forgot all about it.

Me: And WHEN was this?

Drama Queen: I don't know. Last week?

Sure enough, when I investigated, I saw she was right. That perfectly wonderful treat of chocolatey smoothness survived countless dumps of ice over top of it and traveled all the way down to the dispenser.

Now for anybody this would be an annoying pain in the wahzoo, but at our house it's actually dangerous. Ladies Man is allergic to peanuts. I couldn't just fish out the wrapper and live with wonky tasting ice for a while. I had to get the puppy scrubbed completely clean which meant I had to take the whole thing apart.

Are you scared for me yet? With every screw I removed (and there were around a dozen) I took mental note. I kept praying I'd be able to get the goofy thing back together. This isn't my first crack at dismantling appliances though. I've taken apart my vacuum few times too. There's something very satisfying about figuring out a minor mechanical problem yourself. Does that make me a man?

Anyway, I used a toothbrush to scrub the blades deep inside and managed to get the whole smack sparkling clean. (Don't you love my organized piles of screws?)


See?


Then panic hit. A rectangular plastic piece fell from I'm not even sure where and my husband stepped in to see what I was doing and mixed up my screws. Don't worry though, all the screws were the same and fit in any hole, but I took advantage of the opportunity to make Kevin aware that any failure to get the ice maker back to proper working order would probably be his fault.

It proved to be unnecessary as I found screws for every hole. Voilà!


But the real test was when I put it back in the freezer. It didn't fit terribly snug, wiggling more than I remembered it doing before. I held my breath and got a glass.


Ta da! I did it! Now pray it works past Thursday. That wiggle's bound to be a problem some time, right?

I'm not going to think about it. May your Monday bring you clean ice, friends!

7 Quick Takes (Volume 95)

1) Everyone except Drummer Boy started school this week. He's spent the last eight days at drum line and band camp doing what he loves most. Guess who we haven't heard from much? He's loving apartment living, telling Kevin on Tuesday he'd had friends over three nights in a row to "pad" (drumspeak for practicing on their drum pads) and play Xbox.

You'd be proud of me. I haven't asked him even once if he's eaten!

2) The rest of the kids were subjected to my embarrassing first day of school photo shoot.

Doesn't Miss Innocent One look cute for her first day of middle school? She's only gotten lost a few times and has the locker thing down pat. It'll be a great year, babe!


Can you tell how much Ladies Man has grown over the summer?! You can't see it in this picture, but his shirt actually sprouts colors in the sun. Freaky! This boy's totally ready for high school and the independence it brings, although he's figured out he's at his sister's mercy until he's driving himself.


When I asked Drama Queen what she was wearing for her first day of school I got this.

Drama Queen: Pssht. T-shirt and shorts. School's not worth dressing up for.

You think she's got senior-itis already?


Do you see how she's mocking me for taking this pic? Here's a better shot.


3) Want to embarrass your son on his first day of high school? Hit a classmate's car in the parking lot when you pick him up.

I'm such an idiot.

4) One night in tears, Miss Innocent One confessed her anxiety about starting middle school. In an effort to soothe her I told her of my own night-before-the-first-day-of-school angst.

Every fall I'd have dreams about getting lost in cattle lots instead of my classroom or mean kids who called me bad names or friends snubbing me for my sister. But the scariest one happened in kindergarten. My teacher was pretty strict and sometimes in kindergarten kids had accidents, of the bathroom nature. I must have been worried about controlling my own bodily functions, because one night I dreamed my teacher glued my butt shut.

The story did the trick, making Miss Innocent One burst out laughing, even days later. She tells me whenever she gets nervous at school, she just remembers me getting my butt glued shut and she calms right down.

5) Want to see the progress in Drama Queen's room? Don't think we're nuts when you see the color scheme. Trust me. It goes GREAT with the comforter set.


There's still a little trim work and touch ups that need to be done.


We have SOME of the furniture, but not all of it. Here's a piece we picked up as a total surprise.


I'm anxious to see the finished product with everything in place. She can't wait to get into it!

6) While eating breakfast, Drama Queen tells me The Boyfriend may be stopping by.

Drama Queen: He's bringing over something I forgot at his house.

Me: This morning, like NOW?

Drama Queen: Yeah.

Me: I guess I better put a bra on then, huh?

Miss Innocent One starts laughing.

Me: What?

Miss Innocent One: You should have seen Ladies Man's face. He looked totally disgusted.

Your mom's got boobs, buddy. Get used to it.

(Wow. Butts and boobs all in the same post. Are you still with me?!)

7) We're headed to Drummer Boy's band exhibition at the University of Nebraska tonight. Any of you in my vicinity looking for something to do tonight head on over to Memorial Stadium at 7:00 for a free show. Watch for pictures next week!

And that's a wrap, folks. Have a terrific weekend and peek at other Quick Takes at Conversion Diary.

Another Way to "Earn" Money

I don't make any money.

I am completely reliant on my husband to bring home the bacon. Can I confess that sometimes that bothers me? It's not that my husband cares at all about how I spend the money he brings home. It's not that I don't get any say in how it's distributed. He hands me the checks and I take care of them. What gets under my skin occasionally is that I don't contribute to our family's finances at all.

I know my worth is not based on the money I bring in (Good thing!), and I know the work I do is important. I would have found a paying job a long time ago if I wasn't convinced I'm following God's plan for my life. My husband tells me all the time he thinks I should keep doing what I do, but I'd be lying if I said I don't feel tinges of insignificance sometimes for my lack of bread earning.

I remember feeling my "value" acutely when we were getting life insurance. The agent was very nice about pointing out how much money it would cost my husband if I were to die and he had to replace the services I provide, yet the life insurance policy we have on him is five times the one we have on me. What does that say to you?

Last week as I painted my daughter's room, I lamented to myself again about my lack of contribution to my family's financial resources when an encouraging thought made one of those cartoon light bulbs glow above my head.

I may not MAKE any money for my family, but I sure do SAVE them some. Isn't that almost as good? I SAVE my family money by cooking meals at home, by taping the drywall and taking care of the painting in Drama Queen's room myself. Collecting and keeping track of the coupons from retail stores has saved us hundreds of dollars. Why on Saturday alone, this tactic kept $57 in our bank account.

Saving money for them is a way of earning it, don't you think?

So this is for all you stay-at-home moms who get to feeling unimportant because you don't earn a paycheck. What you do matters. You are a vital part of your family's well-being even though you never deposit a check with your name on it. Your efforts to SAVE money for your family is another way of earning it.

The Benefit of Watching Court TV

My family has this bad habit of watching court television shows while eating lunch. Before you think ill of me and call me an immoral pagan, let me tell you it opens up some great discussions with our kids about how NOT to conduct relationships.

Eighty percent of the property disputes deal with couples who were living together and split. Nearly every day I can get in a word about the dangers of cohabitation.

Me: Yep. There it is again. Do you see how many of these people's problems come from living with someone? Do you see how it doesn't work? Even Judge Judy says if they want to play house they should get married.

It's so easy to point out the errors in judgment and faulty thinking. The other day on Divorce Court, a woman went off about how her husband was the biggest baby in the world, the ultimate mama's boy. As she spoke I watched the demeanor of her husband and pointed it out to my daughters.

Me: You see? You see the way he's reacting to what she's saying. Look at him. He's getting angry. He can hardly stand there. Look at his shoulders starting to droop. See how she's making him feel like a little boy? No man wants to feel like a little boy. Men need respect. Are you hearing me, girls? Men need respect.

Every week someone's sad tale illustrates how sex before marriage can have life long consequences.

Me: Having a baby with that guy totally screwed up her life. She's tied to him forever and all for a temporary thrill. See what can happen? See?!

Judge Judy is a particular favorite of ours. She has taught us lessons like:

Don't lend money to family or friends to gain their love and appreciation. It's best not to expect them to pay you back.

Don't bail the bum out of jail and don't believe him when he says he'll pay you back as soon as he gets his tax return money.

No matter how sweet and trustworthy your new boyfriend seems, never hand over your credit card.

If it doesn't make sense, it's not true.

I could go on and on, but I'll spare you and explain our court TV addiction very simply.

Nothing showcases Truth, and the destruction which results from not following it, like real life. Court TV is a quick study in what NOT to do.

Scott

I met Scott in one of my college classes. A starting tackle on the football team who was a special education major, I thought him a tough teddy bear. Scott was quiet, kind, respectful and had a smile which brought out the pink in my cheeks.

He escorted me to a sorority ball impressing me with his charm and easy-going nature. It was a beautiful night complete with a sweet kiss when he brought me home. I went to bed thinking maybe God FINALLY brought someone along for me.

A week passed and I heard nothing from him. I dismissed it thinking he was busy with school and football and work, but my friends saw it eat at me and told me I should call him. Just ask him to go get ice cream with you or something, they said. Though it wasn't my style or even slightly in my comfort zone, I took their advice.

But the ice cream outing was uncomfortable and forced. He didn't say much and I tried to pick up the slack. After an awkward goodbye, I understood perfectly.

He was only being nice.

I was crushed. What was God doing? Why get my hopes up only to be squelched again? I chose carefully. I followed His guidelines, yet time after time God slammed the door to any romantic life for me. Scott was the last straw sending me into a crisis of faith.

I cried my eyes out laying prostrate on my bedroom floor.

What is wrong with me?
Why can't I have a relationship?
What do You want for me, God?
Are you telling me You want me to be single?
Are You asking me to give up the only thing I'm sure I want, to be married?

Only when we understand that God has ordained our suffering can we begin to make sense of it. Only then can we be certain that He has a purpose in it. When tragedy comes, when adversity strikes, we will not be shaken. Yes, we will cry. Yes, we will grieve. But we will move on confidently knowing that God is on His throne, that we are in His hand, that our circumstances are His doing, and He is working them for our good.

Terry L. Johnson, When Grace Comes Home

God let me cry it out (or were we wrestling like He did with Jacob?) until I finally gave up and said it.

If You want me to be single, I'll be single. You are God. What choice do I have?

I've always thought that moment nearly as significant as the day I told Jesus I needed Him in my life. For in one statement of surrender, I put my money where my mouth was. I ACTED on my faith. I let it take priority over my own desires. The suffering sent me to surrender. Was it easy? If I still remember it twenty-seven years later, what do you think? That night I understood what real trust is and began an authentic relationship with God.

What is God asking you to walk through today? What suffering has He put in your life? Is that pain His way of calling You to begin a real faith journey with Him? Don't let the pain deter you. Don't believe the lie that God doesn't care. Let your sadness lead you to experience God in a new way.

Visit Jennifer at Scraps and Snippets to see how others interpreted this quote.

The Reinforcement

Poor Drama Queen. She can't catch a break, even from her boyfriend.

Drama Queen: The other night I was telling him what to do and he said, "No. I don't want to do that" and I said, "Oh, that's right, I'm supposed to be submissive to you."

The Boyfriend: What did you say?

Drama Queen: Technically, if we're in a relationship like this, I'm supposed to be submissive to you.

The Boyfriend looked at Sympathetic Guy.

The Boyfriend: Get your phone. We need to record this.

Sympathetic Guy preserved it for posterity and now whenever Drama Queen gets a little high and mighty, The Boyfriend turns to Sympathetic Guy who plays her words back to her.

I knew this boy had her number the day he was waiting for her in the kitchen and she started barking orders.

Me: Man, she can be bossy.

The Boyfriend: She talks big, but she's a teddy bear on the inside.

Drama Queen: Shut up.

Undeterred, he started laughing and shook his head. I'm going to miss his help in keeping Drama Queen in line when he leaves for college this week. He knows how to dish her stuff right back and it's so good for her.

So I feel it necessary to say a few words to The Boyfriend: Thanks for understanding who our daughter is and being so good to her. We'll miss your face around here. Be sure to stop in and say hi when you're in town.

7 Quick Takes (Volume 94)

1) Here's a picture from last week's Band Camp Exhibition.


Drummer Boy is on the left, facing the band with the drum sticks hanging out his back pocket (he's such a drummer). Ladies Man is the first trombone player directly to his right (can you tell he's a titch taller than his brother now?) and Drama Queen is standing in front of the third tuba player. She's the snare player on the left.

At the Band Exhibition potluck, we met a very nice family new to our community. When the daughter told us she was a freshman, we said, "Our son is a freshman."

"Oh, I know Ladies Man," she said, "He's kind of hard to miss."

"Uh oh."

She added with a smile, "No, he's funny."

When I told Ladies Man about it, he said, "Man, I knew I was a little out there. I must be REALLY out there."

After watching him at high school orientation the other night, I wholeheartedly concur! Yikes!

2) Miss Innocent One, our little note fairy taped this to the kitchen cabinet so we'd see it after our anniversary date.


She's a sweetheart.

3) As I admitted my sadness over Drummer Boy moving out, Ladies Man offered these words of wisdom.

Ladies Man: You gotta let the cubs grow up.

Oh brother.

Kevin: If the cub is grown, when do we stop calling him a cub?

Ladies Man ignored him to make his own point.

Ladies Man: A cub's got to grow up and catch their own fish.

Does this mean the cubs will fry their own fish too? I'm all for that!

4) She may have inherited her hysterics from her father, but this week I found evidence Drama Queen as gotten something from me too.


I found these words on the side of this pan after she made popcorn. It's part of the popcorn bag! She's inherited my melting gene!

5) Since she has painting experience from our summer musical (and wields a pretty good paint roller), Miss Innocent One offered to help me paint in Drama Queen's new attic bedroom.

Me: Great. It'll go much faster with help. You better get to bed so we can get up and go to town.

Miss Innocent One: For what?

Me: Honey, "go to town" means get to work.

She thought for a second and started giggling.

Miss Innocent One: Obviously I'm tired.

Later she came into our room still laughing about it.

Me: Yeah. Don't be a ditz, babe.

She gave a nervous laugh and I knew.

Me: It means don't be a blond.

Miss Innocent One: Hey!

(My apologies to you smart blonds out there. It's a term she understands!)

6) Speaking of Drama Queen's room, here's the priming we got done yesterday.


It's starting to look like something!


You'll never believe the wild colors we decided on for the finish coat. Stay tuned.

7) How about one more story about Drama Queen? We're sitting around the dinner table the other night when suddenly she screams.

Drama Queen: Oh my gosh! Deja vu!

Ladies Man: What?

Drama Queen: We've had this conversation before. Totally.

Miss Innocent One: Nuh uh.

Drama Queen: Yes, we did. We even fought about whether it was deja vu or not.

Of course she'd make deja vu a debate! She saw Inception recently. You suppose the movie's seeping into her subconscious?

Ack. Thinking about it too much makes my head hurt and that movie's not worth giving too much thought to. Guess who was annoyed by the ending? Total cop out!

And that's all I'm going to say about it. Enjoy your last weekend of summer, friends, and wander over to our substitute host, Betty Beguiles, for some other Quick Takes.

Proof I Don't Take Myself Too Seriously

I must be completely nuts to publish this or groping for a quick post. Take your pick. No, I'm not getting ready to put on a clown nose. It's a shot of me after sanding in the attic room, no makeup, grimy, grimy, GRIMY hair matted with drywall dust and fine white powder covering my body. Beautiful, huh?

I'm thinking of taping it to the mirror in my kids' bathroom to see if I can freak them out in the middle of the night, you know, 000 000 000, the ghost of Mom sees everything! Maybe I could keep Drama Queen and Ladies Man in their beds that way!

Got any good uses for a creepy picture?